This is Day 7 of the 21-Day Positivity Challenge held in March 2012, where we work on being positive for 21 days. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the tasks.
21DPC Day 7 Question
Today’s positivity question is:
What Stresses You?
… and…
Why?
(Even if you are normally not stressed, there will always be certain situations that push our buttons more than others. Do you know what they are?
For the second question, there are 10,000 possible situations that can stress someone. Why do the particular situations you mentioned above stress you, above all else?)
Your Task:
- Reflect and answer today’s question(s). Write as few or as many words as needed to fully express yourself.
- Give yourself a break. Today, instead of pushing yourself to oblivion as you may do every day, cut yourself some slack. Take a break. Leave work earlier than you normally do. Go take a walk. Hug yourself. Do something fun. And take some time to reflect over the questions for today.
- Identify at least one positive thing about your day. It may be something small or something big – as long as you deem it as something positive, it counts. If you have more than 1 thing to share, then by all means, go for it!
Share Your Answers!
After you are done, share your answers in the comments area.
If you’re doing this at the start of the day, you can post your answer for today’s question first, then work on your positivity task throughout the day, then return at the end of the day to share your results for your positivity task and your end-of-day positive reflection.
Check out other participants’ answers. Pick 1-2 participants’ answers and make a meaningful reply to them. Engage in the discussions. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days!
Look forward to reading your responses!
(Images: Happy girl in the field, Girl trapped)
What stresses me out:
The first thing that comes to mind is public speaking, especially in class. I have noticed that to perform for me is easier infront of people I don’t know, because I guess they won’t judge me then. Stupid it is but I feel peer pressure and when I have to get infront of then I just sound like crap and nothing helps.
School, meaning the things I have to do and exams, doesn’t stress me as much as my classmates. I hate one guys stupid jokes and I’m just trying to ignore it now but I have no idea when it will end, taking the fact that he’s life is such a bore, that he can at least make a idiotic joke so everyone will laugh. Never mind. I don’t give a damn of what others think of me because – hey – they don’t matter. I’m not gonna deal with them in the future.
And I guess in other situations I am pretty chill because I can handle then myself. I guess what I cannot handle, makes me stressy. Well, now I know. :twisted:
Break today:Best day for it, because I even am not going to school. I’m gonna realx, read a book. :D
Positive today:
I went to the swimming pool and after my muscles really hurt and I was happy because – new, fresh ones are growing!
i easily get stressed when lot of work remains to do while time is short.then things easily get on my nerves.i soon get angry.the positive thing is that i know its all about my lacking of time management,setting of priorities,& disorganized.
hope i’ll control all this very soon.
today positive thing is that today i am very positive . :D
I’m going to write my entry early for day 7. It’s almost 1:00 am March 7th so it’s close enough. Mainly because tonight after my work dinner, I came back to my hotel to think about my action plans for my marriage. I have reached the point where, I know it’s completely over. The stress is not that the marriage is over. The stress is how can I separate from a wife that has such low self-esteem in herself. She has been going to therapy, doing things out side the house, making new friends. But my wife from the past is the complete 180 from the wife I have now. She was so independent, she had a strong will go get anything done, she wasn’t needy. She even felt so confident in herself, she ended up cheating on me with one of her co-workers. We did separate for a period of time. Again she had the confidence to live on her own, so her leaving the house was easy back then. But then we started to talk. After around 6 months of living separately, we said we will try to work things out. Now we are 6 years since we tried and I don’t think it was a mistake we tried again, but I am stressed because I feel that decision back that is what put me I’m in the situation that I am in now. And uncomfortable, awkward situation at home. I’m stressed because I’m in a hotel room now and I actually enjoy it. It’s not a guilty feeling, but more sadness that a husband could feel this way.
Positive thing for today, I will have to get back to this. March 7th just started. The one positive thing from the night of March 6th is that, my best friend worked out tonight. It’s not a goal for her, like I have for myself, but she knows it’s something she wants to/should work on. I’m just happy she took the baby steps tonight and she felt comfortable about doing it. I’m very proud of her.
My positive thing for today is that I made a speech in my training class. I did open myself up with a journal I did earlier in the morning. But this journal entry was just full of ideas that my best friend planted as seeds in my mind. And finally I got to show off what grew.
it was something completely out of my comfort zone and it was scary, but it felt good.
Thank you to my BF for helping me get to this point in my life!
What’s stressful is thinking! Thinking what if, day dreaming, thinking what other’s are thinking, thinking about the future=worrying! Why do I do it? Well, I guess I’m not too good at being present. I guess it’s habit. It’s a distraction, an unhealthy one, I know….
My break to myself was being able to watch a movie tonight and talk via Skype to my sister. Gotta love it :heart:
A positive: I miss my boyfriend :p
What stresses me out is my finances – if i have any unexpected things to pay for that I didnt budget for – I always have a back up plan now .
Positive thing for the day – got to work on time even tho I woke up sooo late .
-I’m in my last year of high school so the thought of final exams really stresses me out. I’ve tried holistic learning, yet it seems like I’ll never finish studying&learning EVERYTHING. At least I’ve tuned into my work way more compared to before (I’ve finally got rid of procrastination), so I’m learning at a faster pace.
Another thing which stresses me out is money. My parents work a lot, 10 hours per day, and they get average salaries which sometimes aren’t enough to pay all our taxes, debts, plus monthly needs. In certain moments I stop and ask myself “How do they actually *pay* everything?”, but I know the answer: “It’s not easy for them, they work hard for it”. I’ve tried several times getting a part time job, but we don’t have many options here and existing ones aren’t suitable for persons like me (for example, in constructions). I really wish I could help out with the money in the house, especially since a considerable amount of the money my parents gather goes for my schooling and other school-related things.
-My best friend is coming over today, we’re gonna watch a movie and catch up. :D
-I’ve almost finished my material for literature (that’s the biggest part of my final exams studies) and today I meditated for almost 20 minutes – it’s the first time when I really, really relaxed and managed to clear my mind. ^^
I am often stressed by a lack of money, but another big stressor is not being able to follow through on a promise I make to another person.
I believe that it is honorable to pay one’s bills and when I am not able to I feel shame. I believe that my word is the most important quality I possess. People know that I will do what I say I will do. Even when circumstances are beyond my control, I feel I must abide by my promise.
I had a wonderful day today. I spent most of it with my husband. We went to a movie, ate popcorn, and later found a new Chinese restaurant where the food actually tasted good! We also spent a little time in a bookstore. These are all things I like to do. I need to spend some time thinking about why I don’t spend more time doing the things I love.
What stresses you and why?
A lot of little things, of course, but most of all I’m stressed out because of the fact that my loved ones are going to be gone one day. I can’t help thinking about it and, what is even worse, I can do nothing about it. Whenever I look at them, I catch myself thinking that maybe it’s the last time I see them. This is horrible, I know, but at the same time it’s true. I’ve never been told that my family wouldn’t be with me forever – I knew that most people don’t live to be a hundred, but I just didn’t think about the people I love. So when the time comes, you begin to see things differently. I feel really sad because my grandparents are getting older and one day they will be gone :( Can’t help thinking about it, I would give up my life just to prolong their lives and let them be healthy and happy for 5-10 more years…
What good thing happened to me?
I honestly feel as if nothing good happened… Well, maybe the fact that I wrote 2 poems may be considered good. They were about my Grandmother who is gone now, so I doubt that it’s a good thing writing sad stuff…
The only thing that i can suggest for you is to tell your family every day that you love them. Before they leave for work, or any time they are going somewhere. Tell them to drive safe, and you love them. When they come home greet them at the door, because you are happy to see them, and you appreciate them.
I tell my best friend every day when she is leaving for work to drive home safe. I’m sure sometimes this drive her crazy, but I tell her good night before she leaves for work, because we never know if we will be able to catch up later that night. So I will make it my best effort to tell her to have a good night and sweet dreams.
Because you are right. You never know when that time comes. But if the last words to them is something from your heart, they will rest peacefully, and you will be able to concentrate on celebrating their life, appreciate every moment/interactions you had with them. And you never spend one moment of your life regretting that you didn’t get to say those three little words. I love you.
When my father passed away when I was 23 years old. I never got to tell him I appreciated everything he taught me. I regret this more than not telling him I love him. Because he knew I loved him. But some times I do feel I never told him I appreciated him. Ever since then, a lot of my achievements that I have made in my career is because of him. I know he would be proud. But all that energy I wasted because I regretted not telling him I appreciated him, I could have spent that energy helping other people reach their goals.
That is why for my best friend, I will make sure she knows that I appreciate her, love her as my best friend, and thankful that she lets me be a part of her life.
This is true when you think about your own mortality. This is a paragraph from Steve Jobs Commencement Speech at Stanford. I read this almost every night, or anytime I need positive energy in my life. I apply this philosophy to the people in my life that I love, and appreciate.
“When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right. It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today? And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”
Thank you Ken, this is a very meaningful reply! And I love this Steve Jobs’ Speech too! It’s extremely inspirational! The only thing I wouldn’t do on my last day is being upset with people or things.
My stress comes from things i do to myself, like compare myself to others or try to live in the past — and i hate this about myself which stresses me out even more! Then i worry that i will live like this forever and get even more stressed out!
So today, I went out with friends. I almost didn’t.. I almost just stayed home alone. I only knew one person there and was afraid that I wouldn’t get along with anyone or that everyone would think I was dumb. But, I motivated myself to go “just for a little bit” so I could relax and get out of the apt and out of my head!
It worked! I had a great time and that is my positive thing for today. I did bar trivia with a group of people that i didnt know anyone except for one friend and by the end of the night, we all exchanged numbers and made plans to meet up again next week. And we won trivia! I definitely felt like I contributed and that people liked me (that sounds goofy but… it’s a fear that they won’t). All in all, I am glad I left, I wasn’t feeling stressed out there and I had a good time!
What stresses me and Why?
My work itself is some times very stressful, its because i am not over loaded with work. Its becuase i am not fully engagaed in office as i have the tendency to finish of the work on hand on time and some times i am left with no work to do, which is highhly irritating and stress ful :cry: [ So please i welcome ideas for relieveing out of this stress and suggest me some useful tips through which i can utilise my time properly during my office hours] :P
Secondly, my home – bcos i want the things to be in the place where they are as it will help us in saving time by not searching for each and every time when we need them. But my hubby is exactly is opposite to me and so end of the day, i am the one who needs to set things right at the proper place. Most of the times i am stressed because of this :angry:
Thirdly, i was practising yoga for quiet some time. For past few MONTHS!!! :( its because of the cold climate here i am not able to get up early and practise yoga.Even if i get up early, morning time is sufficient time to prepare lunch and breakfast and to get ready to office :( :cry: This actually stresses me a lottt… even i tried few methids to wake up early (actually i was getting up early and practising it) but nothing works and i end up waking up at only by 5.30 to 6 AM which is not sufficient for me to do the same.
So friends pls suggest me to get back to my practise of Yoga :)
Positive for the day : This is my start of the day. Climate is too good and i am feeling very fresh & energetic looking forward for the day :) I will update end of the day regarding the activity which i took for the day and also about the positivity :) :)
Positive for the day:
I pracised yoga after coming back from stress..:) It helped me to reduce the back ache and relieved me…:)
Uncertainty stresses me out. Not seeing my family for a long time stresses me out. Sometimes work stresses me out and other times its being over critical of myself. I try not to think about future but it somehow comes back to me. I don’t want to be over critical and i want to accept myself the way i am but sometimes i just think a lot and that stresses me.
One positive thing about today – Saw cherry blossoms and sunshine :)
What Stresses Me Out and Why:
I experience stress when I feel like I have to complete a number of tasks in a short amount of time. The stress is often self-produced, such as when I set a deadline to complete something and the clock is ticking. What happens is that I go on automatic, try to speed up, tense up. The “why” comes from a sense of low self worth, as if my sense of self will be defined by completing these tasks. I’m learning now that in the midst of this I can stop this habitual motion, transform the stress that arises into an opportunity for reflection. Embracing the stress slows the process down, gives me a sense of detachment. When I then realize what I am doing to myself, I can now back off, breathe, and then return to what I’m doing.
Positive Thing That Happened Today
I called a dear friend whose wife for some time has been experiencing slowly declining mental functioning due to a rare form of Alzheimer’s. We shared a lot of things and then his wife wanted to talk with me. She started by saying: “You’re a wonderful man, a truly special person.” This touched me deeply, I hadn’t received a complement like that in some time.
I am going to try your way of learning to embrace stress, reflect on it and slow it down. It sounds respectful about yourself and also respectful to the stress, which I suppose is only our bodies/minds trying to signpost to us that something is not ok. I think stress arises for a reason and it seems impolite to hate it and try and get rid of it as soon as possible. So thank you for your post today – it’s given me something to think about.
And your positive experience today was very moving indeed to read.
First, sustained loud noise stresses me. The reason is that it breaks my concentration, and it annoys me. Second, finding that people in my household have left a big mess and have not cleaned up after themselves stresses me. The reason is that it violates one of my primary rules of human behavior, that one should clean up after oneself if others share the environment. A second reason is that I cannot relax in my home if it is not clean and orderly, which prompts me to clean up the other person’s mess, since they won’t do it, just so I can feel comfortable in my home. This then leads to resentment. Since I have chosen not to eject those persons from my home or my life, I just live with it. A positive thing about today is that when I came home from work, there was no mess in the kitchen today. That is unusual, but at least I didn’t have to clean when I got home.
First, sustained load noise stresses me. The reason is that it breaks my concentration, and it annoys me. Second, finding that people in my household have left a big mess and have not cleaned up after themselves stresses me. The reason is that it violates one of my primary rules of human behavior, that one should clean up after oneself if others share the environment. A second reason is that I cannot relax in my home if it is not clean and orderly, which prompts me to clean up the other person’s mess, since they won’t do it, just so I can feel comfortable in my home. This then leads to resentment. Since I have chosen not to eject those persons from my home or my life, I just live with it. A positive thing about today is that when I came home from work, there was no mess in the kitchen today. That is unusual, but at least I didn’t have to clean when I got home.
Heh Susan,
What you have written above exactly reflects the same thing happening around my home and even i also like you who wants to relax only when the home is THAT messed up :) :)
As you said, we can eject these persons from our life and hence we are some way or other forced to ladjust these things and live with them :)
Some times i feel that since we are giving too much importance to these kind of disciplines, it ends up affecting the lovely realtionship which we have with our husband, children and others.
I’d say it would be some aspects of my job. It is so out of my element that it sometimes just can’t be helped. But most of the time I manage to stay cheerful throughout the day when I work.
Its only sometimes that I just don’t feel up to pushing myself to cope with a working environment that so different from the creative flexible environment that I’m used to. That’s when I start to get weary and feel old and wonder where my life is going.
But it becomes ok when I reminder myself of all the good that comes out of this job and the plans I have for my future. There is a cool quote that my friend Nimi always uses, “This too shall pass”. I repeat this quote to myself whenever need be.
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For sure, I’m gonna get out of the house today and have fun. I had actually applied for a leave today. So today’s task is just perfect! I love the timing!!
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1 positive thing? Simple! Today is my day off!
:dance:
My lack of self confidence stresses me…and I know I am good at what I do…..i know I’m a good person so why should I be stressed?? I’m constantly worried about not being good enough…not measuring up..getting in over me head….failing to meet the expectations that others have of me….and the list goes on….
My biggest source of stress is school. I am 53 years old & will finally complete my bachelor’s degree in June. This adult learning stuff is difficult! But I will be sooooooo happy when I’m finished! Serval projects left to complete then bye, bye to a huge source of stress in my life!
On a good note, I spent a wonderful day with my wonderful husband today. I was off work (for school) & he took me out to lunch & we spent several hours together!
My children are healthy & happy & I have the most wonderful daughters in law in the world!
All in all, life is wonderful!
Congratulations for completing your degree soon!
Not many people will have the courage to study at this age. You and your family must be proud of yourself.
Good Luck for the next few months..
Ahhhh! That’s so exciting!! Congratulations!! How will you be using your degree?? Good job!
All of the stress in my life goes back to having a lack of funds. I grew up poor, but never really knew it at the time. To me money wasn’t real, and didn’t actually matter until I became an adult. Even today money is a big issue. It started with a trip to see my therapist, which lead to a trip back home for money to pay for the appointment. Then after looking at my lack of cash and empty fridge I took out my last prepped meal to eat for lunch, telling myself that I could come home and make a quick dinner. On my lunch break though I found myself running errands and breaking my last $20 for food leaving $10 for the rising gas prices that are sucked up by my SUV and small scooter bike. Even a stop at the pharmacy to pick up a few perscriptions to ease my anxiety, I got the bad news that one of them would run me over $500. Yeah that one stayed there, but another one cost me roughly $70 which is way more then the five or ten bucks I would rather pay for medication. The only real positive thing about today was giving up and stopping for a hamburger, which though it was made incorrectly still had a good taste.
Sorry, not really feeling positive today. More just stressed.
I understand what you mean about growing up poor but not realizing it! The perception of money is still something I struggle with today. Having a budget/tracking my spending has helped me a lot to reduce stress about money. Seeing exactly where my money goes, means that I can control it — instead of the stress controlling me!
Yes, me too. I had to reprogram what I believed to be true about money and finances and social standing and careers…! It took a long time, too, but my finances have improved considerably since I took the time to really examine my beliefs.
i get stressed when i feel unable to control my own feelings of inadequacy – esp with relationships – when i begin to look to far inward and not realize that many factors collide to bring about a positive relations – work and family do not bring stress and i have open communication – all good
I have to say that my work is stressing me out lately, actually it is causing a lot of fear, which I believe is the root of my stress. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be really good at what I do and when I cannot be that and risk failure ( in my eyes) I get scared and depressed. I feel a bit helpless and that stresses me. I like being a doer and getting the job done right, and when I have to wait for something, that really makes me panic. I like results and expect to achieve them.
I have to say the nicest thing about my day was having lunch with my parents. Seeing them puts a lot of things into perspective. :hug:
1. As I mentioned in a previous post, my job frustrates and stresses me out. I perform two job functions at my full-time job (one “part-time” that I fought to get….I work in government so that is hard to do.) I want to do my “part-time” work full-time but I can’t because upper management does not want to lose a good worker. I got myself so stressed out and worked up about it the other day, I almost couldn’t go to work the next day. It also pains me to read articles about following your passion when my “part-time” work is my passion.
2.Not able to give myself a break today. I work two jobs (three if you count the two different job functions at my full-time job) so that means my hours are 9am-8pm today. After getting up at 5:30am for my morning workout, I’m tired when I get home so I usually go right to sleep. May
My Daily Positivity:
Seeing my friend’s face light up about her upcoming nuptials. I love weddings!
Trying to find the positives in bad situations.
I admire you very much for having such a tough routine and yet STILL managing to get yourself up at 5:30 to exercise. Hats off to you. You have my greatest respect. Especially at such an ungodly hour :bow:
I wish you luck with getting your job sorted out. :hug:
My work place. They have come up with unrealistic time schedules and expect all of us to play God land perform miracles and do the impossible and jump us if it isn’t.
What stresses me out: My job mostly. I’m the complaint department for patients, staff, doctors, etc. All the negativity gets to me. Can’t make anyone happy. 30 people, mainly women–need I say more:) Although, I think a couple of the men are the worse:) Some days it’s like being back in high school.
Positive for the day – Lots of my staff came to see if they could be any help and offer me encouragement as some of my docs are stirring things up:)
Usually I’m on top of my game and happy. One on my faults and less attractive sides is my lack of patience, I am extremely impatient, especially when I am waiting on people.
It is a really bad trait I know, but when I am waiting, I’m ticking over with thing that can be done during the time wasted. I love efficiency and I organise every thing in my life precisely so when I wait, everything gets shifted and it frustrates me.
There are ways that help limit the frustration, eg having an Iphone so I can do research, emails or listen to podcasts to make my time more useful or writing notes about ideas and visions.
Saying that out loud makes me realise that I may be a little obsessive and probably should learn to slow down and enjoy life…key word “probably”…but that is doubtful.
Today I am going to research meditation and relaxation techniques while I’m waiting, with any luck, in the future I can find a balance.
One positive thing about today is that I have my dream job and everything that I’ve been impatiently working towards is coming together and oportunities are coming in droves.
Kylie_Mac,
Yes, I hear that…about the good ole “P” word…”Patience.”
Patience always had a bad rep with me, until I finally surrendered and accepted how some things have their own timing, and i am put on hold or my energy is being redirected.
Also relate to the “What’s the rush?!” thing. And “shoulding” on myself. ;) Slowing down and enjoying life sounds verrry appealing to me. Why ever NOT?!!! is my thought….
The relaxation and meditation idea sounds soo good. :heart: That has really turned things around for me, in soo many ways!!! :heart: :D Well worth researching and practicing, imho…. :D
The things that you were waiting for so long to happen in your dream job opened up for you in their own good ole time….so whether things do or whether things don’t open up in life, might as well be patient than impatient….far less stress to practice patience when it is needed, rather than practice impatience. There will just be more opps for you to practice patience until that is mastered. Or that has been my experience, so that is my thought there.
Life. It happens. We can go along for the ride kicking and screaming, or we can go along, happily. But however we choose, we are on the ride. (Overheard that somewhere, good one…!)
Further, unhappiness is meaningless, really.. Unhappiness happens when we think we can’t change something, and this causes struggle. I have been training myself/giving permission to myself to be happy and peaceful…ALOT. I have learned to let go of the obstacles to my being happy…which helps in the cultivation of my inner state of happiness. Whatever I do in my daily routine, I practice being happy doing it. This is a practice I find is helping me in soooo many ways. Again, in order to live my best life, regular meditation has become vital for me.
I’m happy for all the opportunities flowing into your life, Kylie_Mac…
You certainly deserve the best life has to offer.
May opportunities continue to come together to your lovely, PATIENT, PEACEFUL, HAPPY self!!!! ;) :dance: :D :heart:
It might be easier (or a least quicker) to answer what does not stress me out – ;) . Actually, I have dedicated 2012 to being less stressed and more at peace. I have a bit of a Type A personality so I am often stressed when things are out of my control such as long lines at the grocery store, traffic that seems to have neither rhyme nor reason, any situation in which I am dependent on another person or group of people to accomplish a task be it for work or pleasure and the list goes on. I am stressed by these things because I am a perfectionist. I am driven to reach goals and meet deadlines and, when that is threatened in any manner, I feel overwhlemingly stressed.
Add to this my desire to please my partner, my friends, my family, my managers, etc and my day can be one BIG ball of stress. :angry:
What stresses me? Money, unfortunately, is the most consistent thing to stress me. Since I’m still working on my university degree, I can only get lower paying jobs. This doesn’t bother me that much at normal times, but at the end-of-the month bill-paying times, I can really feel the crunch. The other thing that stresses me, like I mentioned in the frustration post, is academics. I feel a lot of pressure to get really good grades and absorb every bit of information possible, so I can get a good job after graduation, so it’s sort of tied in with the money stress.
To give myself a break and cut stress today, since I took an exam this morning and read a chapter this afternoon, I’m going to take the rest of the day to relax and just veg!
Positive things:
Today I got to go out and really spend some time with my horses. I took Belle for a short ride, it was really peaceful with the sunset and the chirping birds, and Iris I got to take for a short walk since I can’t ride her yet. It was really nice to spend some un-rushed time with both of them. :D
DAY 7 WHAT STRESSES YOU?
Besides noisy, stinky traffic, loud and harsh noises, non-biodegradable styrofoam and plastic, chemical waste/pollution, unenlightened production/consumerism/surplus/versus not enough-ness, too much heat and too much cold stressing out my body, overpowering personalities, manipulative, opportunistic- in-not-a-good way people, hurtful words, deceitful people…..WHEW!!!!!!! :sweat: …… there ARE things of another nature that stress me out. Not to minimize these, because it ALL counts(and somehow relates)….but other things run deep in another way. It helps alot to think I can do my part to change what causes the stress and imbalances, and then get into action to do my part. To be in the solution, not part of the problem or looking at it, which just increases stress.
When someone doesn’t hear me, or twists my words/meaning, that stresses me out. Usually, this is a situation where someone has a reason they do not want to hear what was said. Or not participate in the topic. Why? Avoiding. Avoiding reality/the facts! Avoiding taking responsibility. Being accountable. I can recognize it, cause Ohh!, I’ve been there! :rolleyes:
Not having the funds to pay all bills in a timely manner….that stresses me out. This bill-paying matter concerns both me and my lifelong friend, (not a romantic relationship) who borrowed much $ from me, and now, because of $ circumstances, and he has not as much $ available as was expected (from business), and our lives/property are/is shared (home and business both), and there are issues about what is spent, where, how…most of which we agree upon, but there are issues that come up. He just does not want to look at the $ he borrowed, how much, how he could reimburse some of that $, whatever, he just loathes feeling obligated (well, then don’t put yourself in that situation!!!) Stressful .
And same for me, I put myself in a VERY precarious situation $wise, by NOT being wise, not having a set limit to what i would loan to help a dear friend in a tough situation. MY ERROR , MY part in all this, was allowing the loaning to continue to where it drained my finances. He would periodically say that when he sold some property, he would be able to pay me back, but meantime, IF that sells, other factors may preempt my receiving funds from that sale…certainly not what he borrowed (what I loaned…I say it like that so as to take full responsibility for what I ALLOWED to happen. That used to be VERY tough to say…I would get SO angry at myself….”WHAT WAS I THINKING?!!” kind of thing…But I recall very well what I was going through at the time, and why I was so “generous,” but I must admit that I was mostly going into a state of just not thinking, and not reading the handwriting on the wall WAAAY sooner than I did. It’s like I was a sleep, I woke up, and THEN saw the whole picture.
HOW TO CREATE STRESS IN YOUR LIFE? Just stick your head in the sand, give away your power, and live in the shadow of someone else….THAT’S HOW!!!! :rolleyes: :( :rolleyes: Applies to many life situations.
Clearly, I have created a situation where I have used my financial resources to back up someone else and someone else’s business, INSTEAD OF MY OWN. I was verry verry obese at the time, low self-esteem, isolating, and believed in him and his work, RATHER THAN MY OWN! Sooo sad but true!!! Honestly, in that state, I may have been unwise in my own use/misuse of money, had i had that money sitting in a CD, so forlorn was I. Point is, I did not question my support ( loan) to a dear longtime friend,…I mean, how about… That was MY hard-earned money, and that was for MY needs and for MY life????? What about ME? I was focusing on dropping the weight I had gained bingeing during a big transition in my life (becoming unmarried, selling my home of 23 years, moving to another part of the country…all of which stress became all too much) and I abandoned myself and taking care of myself in a different way, not emotional bingeing, but allowing my true intuition and focus of my whole self fall by the wayside, and told myself “I believe in you”….meaning the OTHER person, NOT me. And I made it okay that I was supporting HIM and HIS business. That somehow it would come back to me since he was trustworthy and responsible and would be accountable in a timely manner (whatever that meant…probably, when I needed funds, he would then be financially solvent.
So the situation of my allowing myself to stick my head in the sand, not make myself a priority, binge on junk food, trashing my independence, literally made standing on my two feet more and more farther in the distance. And oh btw, if I am trashing myself, how can I expect others to respect me? What kind of message is that I am sending out in the airwaves? (this loaning went on from 2008-2010…I know, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!!…that’s a lonnng time to be asleep! I will say that we both thought the economy would turn around, or at least the business would hang in there in the meantime…which it sorta has).
B-r-e-a-t-h-e…..just b-r-e-a-t-h-e, Bette. TRUST yourself, LISTEN to your intuition, do what is needed to drop the rest of the weight, get help with the knees, stand on your own two feet and bloom…fly….free as a bird, independent. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE! Go after your OWN goals and dreams!! This is how it is for me today. That is how I think. That is what I tell myself in all my moments. I am a positive thinker. Spirituality in tact. I think in terms of setting goals and working towards them. I love and admire myself today, breathing in the sweet taste of success in little tasks well done, staying on my food plan and regular exercise, and being here and participating with my full heart and soul at PE. :heart: :dance: :heart: :sweat: I’m feeling the challenges!!! :sweat: And the rewards are many! :D
:heart: (SO MUCH GRATITUDE AND LOVE TO YOU, CELES! ! ! :heart: :hug: :heart: …and oh, there is a message for you in my post on Day 5, page 7 :D )
And by the way, the second ? in today’s positivity challenge is what REALLY got me to thinking and unearthed things to really have a closer look at them at the deepest level. THANK YOU for your targeting questions, Celes! You’re an earth :angel:
But yes….not having this other person, a dear friend for 32 years, willing to look head on at this situation, or other situations, and problem solve TOGETHER, in a clear-minded, loving way is very stressful. So stressful, I let go of bringing up things ( unless not bringing it up will cause other problems.) He feels criticized or being blamed without any reason to feel that (I do not go to that place). I just can not wrap my brain around his not wanting to AT LEAST admit/tally up the amount he borrowed so he can see for himself and we can agree on SOMEthing….and then go from there. I would feel better if the dollar amount of what he borrowed was clear to him and he ACKNOWLEDGED THAT number, for starters! (I have tried numerous times to have him make a total $ amount…he did go through 2009, last summer so that is a start…. I already have an idea of the full amount, but his not looking at the number makes it like it does not exist (for HIM.) Stressful all the way around!
When I sold my home, I cleared ALL my financial obligations and all debts of ANY kind! It was a GREAT feeling! HOW, a few months later, I allowed myself to pay someone else’s bills, when I had JUST gotten FREE, is just misplaced loyalty. Whacko. Sad. Oh, had I been TRUE TO MYSELF! Good news is that I am working VERRY diligently to restore that sacred sense of trust in myself. I am the only person who I can depend on to never leave me, who will respect and appreciate and cherish me…the one who will be cheering me on! If I know who I am, and have confidence in expressing myself, how can I miss?!!
We both know that we are better off, property-wise, house-wise, together than apart. (together, yet separate living quarters is our goal. It is just getting through to that point that is the question. i had the $ in the bank when I loaned it, he has $ as a result of what he creates and earns from those creations.
He’s a great guy, I love his art and the magnificent chandeliers he creates, he’s a great guy in many ways, and he certainly has been by my side giving me a helping hand these past couple years, we’ve had happy times (gnarly ones too)…but for me, it’s my time now, it’s about my life/health/fitness, and my creations…!
I know I am not alone in this money-lending matter. I know the wisdom about “Borrowers nor lenders be” and “Don’t lend any amount of money that you can’t afford to lose.” Or “if you let go of your money, don’t expect it back.” My friend and i went over all that in the beginning of all this, and said this would not touch our friendship, that somehow it would all work out, and I was not going to become the bad guy, because he owed me money! We wouldn’t let this clear transaction get twisted. No, we didn’t have a set amount or a set date to reimburse. THAT was a BIG ERROR on both our parts and this supposed- to-be generous favor turned out to be a really poor choice for me, for him, and for us both, financially.
This living and learning thing is surely not all black and white, and there is no definitive instruction manual. There are ALOT of gray areas…
POSITIVE
I have laid out the stressful situation and the stress that goes along with it, and I have made peace about it in an important way. I have had a long time to ponder all this, and writing it down today is clarifying and airs it out somehow. It’s different than only writing it all down in a notebook!
The peace I have made with myself about this stressful situation that encompasses so much has to do with my taking responsibility, acceptance of things i can’t change, my growing faith and trust in mySELF :heart: , setting and accomplishing goals, and going for MY dreams. It also has to do with my living in reality. Staying awake. I certainly don’t want my life to end with someone ELSE”S life flashing before me!!!!! :lol: :rolleyes: (heard that somewhere..that’s a good one!)
(Speaking of staying awake, I did manage to get my night owl self to sleep much earlier…something that i know will also increase my healthiness…ANOTHER positive! :dance: :D
I always enjoy your replies, Better, they’re all so energetic and full of meaning, it’s like you’re putting a piece of yourself in each post. You’re surely not alone in the money-related issue. Economy is going down the slope all round the world, including my country. My parents are working really hard for an average amount of money, therefore making it really difficult for them to split the money between all the things which need it. But I’m hoping for a better future, when economics will get back in balance and things will be less stressful than they’re now. :)
I’m lovin’ your reply to me, Lina. And yes, I do put a piece of myself in each post, so I feel happy hearing that you perceive that. Thank you for your kind words about my replies…means alot to me. You feel so sincere and down to earth. :D :heart:
I am with you, and I am sure there are very many of us who would like to be living in a time when economics are balanced and create an environment where people can thrive financially and in so many other ways! :heart:
Best to you and may you and your parents live long and prosper! :hug:
True spoken Bette, reminds me again of when Celes once said your weight loss story must be only a scratch on the iceberg of how many experiences, ups and downs you’ve been through, and how the power of cosmos has chosen you to endorse the thrilling roller coaster of life to all of us, telling us not about the ups but also the more important learning experiences, the downs….thank you for sharing them with us Bette and thank you for learning from your experiences and not just letting yourself drown in the misery and sorrow of whats happened….. :heart: :heart:
I shall take to heart your wise words, ASLO, as always I do.
Yes, there are so many twists and turns, to be sure, and in a sense, they are just what they are… not good, bad, happy, sad…they just “are.” That is the more objective approach, isn’t it, though, AnD we humans have our emotions, don’t we?!!!!
So yes, the highs in life are great, exciting and awesome….well….so too I am finding are the lows…or whatever we shall name them….Experiences that are familiar, experiences that are not. How often must I repeat (or have repeated) experiences is an interesting topic….
Yes, learning experiences is what they are, all right, IF I learn from them. Otherwise, they are just a string of experiences that may form a chain that tethers me to the senses that I am engaging in and find so fascinating so as to keep repeating the same sensation or experience over and over and over and over.
And WHEN is enough, ENOUGH, anyway??!!??! At what point do I believe I am worth more than that, and ready to move on….
YES! I am worth more than the repetitive cycle of addiction, being lost in the world of sensation/regret/resentment/stuffing feelings/whatever, and I have worked tremendously to be in this wonderful process of MOVING ON!!!! :dance:
Thank you for saying that about the cosmos choosing me ‘to endorse the roller coaster of life”!!! I LOVE that, ASLO…you really nail it for me and have a way of bringing it all home for me. Where I feel loved and safe. :heart:
Much gratitude….. :hug: :heart: :D
The first thought that comes to mind after reading this question is the enviroment at work. There is one person at work that tends to “get off” on finding mistakes that her coworkers make. She is a very overweight, not very attractive who feeds her boss with information about her coworkers. He in turn loves the fact that she does this and she actually does some of the work that he should be doing. So, basically they are feeding each other. She also believes that she never makes mistakes and that everything done must be done her wayi.e. when stapling two pieces of paper together, the staple must be in this spot, none other! While I do not work directly with this person (thank goodness!) there is an atmosphere that “big brother is watching” and if you are a minute late, leave a few minutes early, etc., you just know that she will be running to her boss to get her “brownie points” for her tattletelling. I actually stopped having lunch with those in the office because of her and constantly kick myself for letting her get to me. It is something that I am in the process of correcting – why should I let her take the pleasure I have sharing lunch, etc. with my coworkers – she’s winning and that is not acceptable. I love my job and the person who I work for and am fortunate enough to work in a different part of the office than where she is. I’m working very hard to overcome this and am determined not to let her win.
Okay, I am off of my soapbox! The positive thing that happened today was that I went to the local library and “borrowed” a few books that I have been anxious to read.
Tomorrow is a new day – I will do my best to have a new attitude about this person and the situation. :D
Oh dear, it sounds so like one of my colleagues……
hmm……. best wishes!!!
Good day!
Not much stresses me out. But I may sometimes get stressed out a little if I have a imited amount of time to do something, and can’t get it done due to circumstances beyond my control. Such as a hard drive dying and not being to get it working again without having the pull the computer apart. Which happened recently. There was a power blackout which killed one of my computers and it took me at least two days to get it working properly again.
A break I should be able to manage :)
A positive thing today for a start is that the weather’s nice! And the video I’m working on now is turning out better than I expected.
This one is very interesting. My stresses seem to come from my work environment mostly. Our company has gone through some changes in the past 3 years that I have strongly disagreed with. In my opinion, these changes have had a negative impact on our morale and our progress. Dealing with this everyday is hard. My other stress and this will sound silly but it’s things I can’t control. I wish so bad I could know what people are thinking and what the future holds but it’s that anticipation that I fret (or cry) over so often.
Today, I am looking for a new pair of shoes and I shall shop this afternoon!
My positive thing about today is……I exercised my right to vote to hopefully make our country better.
Next year will be the first time I’ll vote :D I used to think it’s not a big thing but there’s a new feeling blooming inside me now, like my opinion is going to count and possibly make a difference.
I totally identify with your feelings about things you cannot control. :(
It’s something I’m trying to let go of at the moment, because it just makes me feel bad. We cannot control everything, yet I too get stressed out if I feel my life isn’t “under control”. Three years ago I got myself into an unhealthy relationship that it took me 2 1/2 years to get out of. At the same time I was out of grammar school, not sure where I wanted to go, I hated the job I kind of got pushed into by my dad (“you have to do something”) and my karate club, which was basically the centre of my universe closed.
My fear about no longer having my life, or at least too many factors of it “under control” caused me to slip into a bizarre eating disorder, because I felt eating and my body was the one thing I “could control”. However, too much control just lead to bigger failures and I kept getting deeper in until I finally realized what I was doing when I went on a 10 day fast and gained a bit of perspective on food… I realized I was refusing to address the actual problem. I ended the relationship, knowing that no matter what happened I was already going bonkers, so it couldn’t really get all that much worse… and it was one of the best decisions of my life…
Too much “control” can be a bad thing.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”
Work situations can be very stressful and we need a lot of energy to overcome them.
As for your other stress it’s not silly at all, I think we are all stressed a bit when we don’t know what is next or when we see we don’t control a situation – I found that trying to LET GO can change many things.
Hope you enjoyed a lovely day Paige!
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