21DPC Day 7 – What Stresses You? Why?

This is Day 7 of the 21-Day Positivity Challenge held in March 2012, where we work on being positive for 21 days. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the tasks.

Happy girl in the field

21DPC Day 7 Question

Today’s positivity question is:

What Stresses You?

… and…

Why?

(Even if you are normally not stressed, there will always be certain situations that push our buttons more than others. Do you know what they are?

For the second question, there are 10,000 possible situations that can stress someone. Why do the particular situations you mentioned above stress you, above all else?)

Girl trapped

Your Task:

  1. Reflect and answer today’s question(s). Write as few or as many words as needed to fully express yourself.
  2. Give yourself a break. Today, instead of pushing yourself to oblivion as you may do every day, cut yourself some slack. Take a break. Leave work earlier than you normally do. Go take a walk. Hug yourself. Do something fun. And take some time to reflect over the questions for today.
  3. Identify at least one positive thing about your day. It may be something small or something big – as long as you deem it as something positive, it counts. If you have more than 1 thing to share, then by all means, go for it!

Share Your Answers!

After you are done, share your answers in the comments area.

If you’re doing this at the start of the day, you can post your answer for today’s question first, then work on your positivity task throughout the day, then return at the end of the day to share your results for your positivity task and your end-of-day positive reflection.

Check out other participants’ answers. Pick 1-2 participants’ answers and make a meaningful reply to them. Engage in the discussions. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days!

Look forward to reading your responses!

(Images: Happy girl in the field, Girl trapped)

141 comments
  1. Work stresses me a lot, the impossible deadlines, the competition, the US pressure, my boss own stress and inability to deal with it, the long hours talking and getting nowhere, the time wasted in endless calls and meetings.
    I like to deal with everything in a timeline manner, to finish a task before starting another one, to do things properly. So it’s hard to adjust.

    Positive things of the day:
    I look at the full moon right now, with the clouds around, it’s beautiful
    I went to eat out for lunch
    I got inspiration to write
    I talked to my family and my husband

    Have a great night or day!

  2. Ok so there are not many things that stress me but those that are can really do it…

    So one of things which currently stresses me is my relationship and the reason is obvious it is currently not working out…
    Than i get stressed when my other pushes my buttons because she knows exactly what they are and how to do it…
    I get stressed when people disappoint me because i love to trust in perfect world and evil people spoil that.
    I get stressed on myself when i sabotage achieving my goals, for obvious reasons.
    And i can get stressed over fights with people i love, when i don’t achieve something i want, and over some little things but that happens rarely and i try to avoid stressing out over stupid things.

    I actually gave my self a break today when i pulled myself from unpleasant and unnecessary conversation with my partner and i am giving my self another break tonight, i will go out with my best friend for a talk and a drink and that will also be a positive thing in my day.

    And for the positive things today, first was that i went to my workout even though i wasn’t in a mood for that but it really uplifted me, and i also went to great massage and i will get those regularly from now on, i helped my mother with our dog, and i will go for that drink lather and i really followed through on my diet.

  3. I notice a lot of people are writing not only about what frustrates them but what they can do about it. What a great mindset!

    Like a lot of people, I get frustrated by things I can’t control. Sometimes the thing that is bothering me is something I’ve chosen not to control. Right now we have a Boomerang child living with us (an adult child who has returned home after living somewhere else for a time). He needs a lot of help with things and sometimes I get frustrated that his dad and I seem to be doing more to resolve his problems than he is — and then I realize that I have chosen to take on those tasks because they are easy for me and difficult for him. And that just because it is hard for him to do something and easy for me doesn’t mean that I have to do them.

    Because there are so many things that I can’t do anything about, I try to minimize the discomforts and frustrations that are in my control.

    I also get frustrated when I lose things. That happens when I don’t pay attention to where I put something. The solution to that is obvious: pay attention!

    Positivity in my day: I met with a student and the whole interaction was pleasant; he is a quick learner and has a good sense of humor. Two nice warm days in a row– going out without a coat! Rereading a favorite writer’s books. I keep a lot of books because of the pleasure of rereading them. Solitude at home: the house is quiet, no radio, no television, no phones, no traffic noises!

  4. Fear and unpredictability of life, little things tht pile up n make a bad day, tht stresses me. 1 positive thing is health n my family. Love them so much n its such an honor to b healthy.

  5. What Stresses You? Why?

    Driving in snow and ice. I hate doing it, and it makes me SO nervous! Spring officially starts in a few weeks and I am ready! I watch the weather like a hawk in the winter. As soon as they start predicting snow, I start making a game plan for how I will get back and forth to work.

    My day started out by waking up to a great nights sleep! Fantastic : ) Hope everyone is having a great day!

    • I can understand. After 3 years of snow, I was so happy there was non this year. I stressed for 3 years, walking on ice, afraid of falling.
      The day is never the same after a good night sleep – enjoy it Suz!

  6. P.Callychurn 13 years ago

    I have many ideas brewing in my mind, but somehow I am not able to bring them to fruition.That is one reason for my stress think I understand the problem, and can come up with the right solution. but when it comes to application,I take my time to decide, and a number of issues come up in between and the main issue is lost sight of. The thought of this incapacity to act,,except for the routine and day to day matters
    leaves me tense and impatient, with a feeling that the big task is not for me..As a retired person this internal conflict is not visible in my surrounding, but I know that there are so many things I could have accomplished , but have not been able to translate thought into positive action. I get stressed.

  7. *Sigh* at the end of a stressful day, this is the post I actually do need to write. I’m not normally a stressed person at all, I manage to stay very organised and on-track with my life, which reduces all possibilites of stress. However today has been testing.

    What stresses me out:
    – my brother (we had contact today). We just don’t get on, no matter what I say – he’ll find fault in it, no matter what he says – he infuriates me.
    – work that seems above me – I’m currently doing a translation that I’m really struggling with. Generally I’m a good student and find work fairly easy/ comfortable, but this assessed translation is a vrai cauchemar.
    – messy room – I hate living in mess – clearing up my room, clears my mind.
    – being late – I am NEVER/ VERY RARELY late, and if I am – you can be sure that the person will have been warned, and I will be very apologetic
    – being rushed – I hate friends rushing me to get ready, I like to do things leisurely – otherwise the stress of it isn’t worth the effort in my opinion

    I now wonder if I’m starting to sound like a control freak…..?! Urgh well. I just like to be organised ;)

    I generally dedicate a lot of time to relaxing, I don’t push myself really hard with work – I let myself sleep in when I need to catch up, so today has been no different in that respect. If I’m calm and at peace – the work I do is so much more productive and better in general!

    Positives:

    – going to Street dance to dance off the stress of my looming translation
    – had a good long sleep last night which put me in a good mood at the start of the day

    :heart:

  8. What stresses me: not knowing how things will turn out/uncertainty, rushing, being told what to do, negativity (not the expressing of a ‘”negative” emotion per se, but whining, dwelling, default assuming the worst). I guess all of these boil down to a feeling of lack of control.

    Today I will give myself a break by making a conscious effort to move more slowly and be in the moment without worrying how things will turn out. I will listen to happier music and give myself meaningless/pleasure time apart from “to-do” time.

    Positive things about the day so far: I laughed out loud in the shower while remembering something funny I heard last night. I enjoyed listening to music this morning. It’s much warmer than usual, so I opened the French doors. The day is going somewhat slower than usual which is nice. My breakfast was really yummy. My clean bed sheets felt good. :)

  9. What stresses me out wow where to start.. A lot of small things stress me out as i’m a worrier! I over analyze everything and make whatever it may be regardless of how big or small a big deal.. The bigger things are the obvious in this order

    KIDS… My kids aren’t out of control or unruly by any means. I do indeed have 4 total 13,8 and a set of twins who are 2 1/2. My husbands works nights and get home around the time the older two head off to school and leaves back out for work about 2 hours after they get home. I guess even tho im married i sometimes feel like a single parent all the responsibility of the kids is on my shoulders.. now with that being said i’ve got to take the blame for that as even when he’s here for those 2 hours or his 1 day a week that he has off i still do everything.. His time with the kids is playing lol.. where as mine is feeding them making sure their clothes are clean they’ve had baths homework done ect.. The different age groups is really no help at all lol.. the two older ones seem to go at it all the time mean while thing one and thing 2 are either trying to get into something, to escape their sectioned off rooms or simply pester the crap outta the other one! During the day i have to confine them in the dining room (chairs are removed else they’d be table dancing) just to take the dog out! all day long i try my best to keep the house quieter cause when my husband is here he’s sleeping. often time even tho i run my self ragged trying to keep the peace it usually doesn’t work.. yet knowing this as the day begins i still try. I feel so much pressure to raise them to become productive responsible adults.. Things are so different now a days then they were when i was growing up and in school and in all reality it wasnt that long ago!

    My second would be none other then MONEY. Currently have a mortgage and building another house almost an hour away with a family of 6. trying to keep everything balanced and running smoothly is rough. The reason for the new house is because we went from 4 to 6 within 9 months and were busting at the seams! we just don’t fit! The new house is taking more funds then was originally planned because my husband has a need to get it finished asap even tho we agreed to 2 years he’s trying to get it finished this year!. The house is all out of pocket so needless to say it has caused a strain on everything.

    My third! My marriage.. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 4 years and it’s been non stop from the word go. Got married in July of 08 moved to a new state in august. got the lets have a baby talk in october(we agreed before marriage we were good with my two) After a few months of discussing I was ready! january we started trying Feb we were pregnant! March found out there were two babies which made time stop for me lol! I’m 5′ and was told early on that it would be hard for me to carry them to term, and to prepare to be miserable the bigger i grew.. and grew is just what i did as i was put on bed rest at 26 weeks in light of my girl baby having heart problems. multiple 3hr trips monthly to different specialist and doctors due to that. I carried them to almost 38 week and 200lbs! ( big accomplishment for me as i thought many times i wasn’t gonna make it) By the time they came i was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted! The news of a c-section scared me to death as well.. but they were born heathy and decent sized and then the fun began!! It’s been non stop since! Between his work hours the kids and the new house we don’t have time for “us” I am happy to add to this that we just had an actual date (no kids they were baby sat for the first time since birth!!) a week ago.. that has been the first since becoming married! we both are on the same page in regards to working on us time and are making an effort to spend as much time as possible and it’s helping so hopefully as time goes on this will become less of a stress factor for me.

    Last but not least my past.. It’s odd to put this as something that stresses me out because it isn’t my present.. It causes a lot of friction with me emotionally and has the ability to affect how i interact with others. I harbor a lot of feelings ranging from anger, to depression, anxiety and guilt. I know the source of it yet i am unable to rid myself of it completely. I’ve relied on the phrase time heals all yet almost 7 years later i can sink back into the state i was then. My previous partner of 10 years whom was an abuser to the fullest took his life a week after i finally got away.I’ve had intense guilt over this for so long it seems to be the normal. My oldest child from that relationship is hell bent that it is my fault that his father has passed on and that is a huge weight to carry. I expected that as i felt it myself for a long time. It doesn’t seem to get better with him regardless of whom he talks to to get his anger and frustrations out about it. His death changed relationships that were important to me, I loved his mother as my own, Once he died that relationship changed drastically. I felt as tho she blamed me as well. I get some need to put the blame somewhere rather then its rightful owner when something so tragic and unexpected happens. Telling myself over the years that i would have never chose that for him, that was not my choice. Has helped a lot! I’ve tried my best to turn his death into a positive for myself as odd as that sounds. After years of being abused and unhappy yet try as i might i made every effort to stay, I myself was as sick as he was i suppose i was addicted to the cycle and felt as worthless as can be yet loved him with every fiber of me. I now realize being out of it for a while that he had a control over me that i cannot explain. Id leave and go back in hopes that it would get better yet knowing deep down it wouldn’t. It’s odd how the mind works against common sense!

    So there are the main things that stress me out..

    A positive for the day was waking up to my husband laying beside me running his hand up and down my back to wake me rather the the blaring alarm! lol He usually doesnt get home from work till im already up and at em!

  10. Drama and confrontation stress me out because I’m not use to it being in my life so when it is it is very stressful. I try to avoid any kind of drama or confrontation so I can avoid the stress it brings with it.
    A new stress I have recently had is finding a new job. I was laid-off last month and it’s been stressful trying to look within myself and find out what my real passions are in life so that I can have or create a job that is fulfilling my heart and soul not just my pocketbook.

    Today is a good day because I woke up without the migrane I went to bed with….that makes it a very good day!! :dance:

  11. What stresses you?

    When I took up the responsibilities and then got to know that it is not an easy job, then I feel the stress. I know since I have taken it up, it is a journey for me to learn. If I cannot make it, then I am the one to fail myself, not others. So, I would say, the stress comes from my inner self, not from anyone else.

    Give yourself a break.

    Hmm… I didn’t leave my job early as that is my job, my responsibility. However, I met up with a senior member of my community club, helped her out one something. Well, I would say, I had more stress when I faced to her, as she will be the person to push me going forward, and I feel that I don’t want to disappoint her, and myself too. It can be a stress, and it can be a release of stress too. After talking about the club’s operation, we had a chit chat too, just chatted about our lives, and I learned new things from her too. :)

    Identify at least one positive thing about your day.

    Today is my first day of coaching in the zither class. It was a basic class. I was only the helper in the class, but the main coach left the class for me in the second half of the session. Aha, luckily, I could play better without any mistake. :P

    It was a good experience for the coaching in the zither class. The feeling was different from teaching in my daily classes. I hope that I can do it better. Maybe I was just too serious during the zither class just now, and they were so serious with me too… Or, maybe the main coach knew them for long time, so they could joke with him more. Anyway, I learned the feeling, I learned the method of coaching. :)

  12. Things that stress me and why…

    One of the biggest things that stress me is truly that so many little things that should never stress me, does! Why is that, well because, I lead such a gifted life, a fortunate one. I should have my tongue cut out every time I mumble a stressor but we are who we are and it’s no easy path to changing, I’ve discovered. The best things in life are not things yet I have so many things. I can’t complain about “not having”, I have plenty more than I need and thank the gods and my own back bone for helping me get those. I eat well all the time. One of the ladies at work even said to me you eat better than anyone I know, great fruits, steaks, stuffed salmon, fresh fish, all the daily should eats we manage quite well. We are both healthy and strong and both our families enjoy great health.
    So help me out here, tell me, me why do I stress over petty things? But, I do…
    I am a judgmental person. I haven’t figured out who died and made me goddess of the entire kingdom but I do judge. You can shoot me for that because there are times I wish I could just shoot myself for it.
    I detest pompous, arrogant, ignorant people who treat others like they themselves are “holier than thou”… I judge people but you know what I do not think I fall in either one of those categories. I do not like it when people make me or someone I love feel any less of a person because of money, place or status. We are all alike in Gods eyes, some are just far more fortunate than others.
    People with lots of money who would split a nickel or sleep with their mother to double it to a dime, yep, they make me sick, they are cheap and too cheap to enjoy the wonderful gifts they have around them. I know people like this who when in their company if we buy something and its 7:37 they would actually use their phone to split it and then actually tell you to the penny, you owe me …. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr You cheap son of a */*/*
    Arrogant people who have status because of initials at the end of their name. Initials might give you professional credentials but it sure as heck does not make you one. Even the Queen still squats to ……….
    People who say oh, you can trust me, I would never say that and you know it goes in them and thru them faster than a bad case of parvo in dogs Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
    A lady the other night in my company said, I can’t believe the decorating for my daughter’s wedding is going to cost me 9000.00, that’s just for the decorations. The prime Rib dinner is 90.00 per plate. I can’t believe the grooms parents don’t even want to pay for the rehearsal dinner so I’ll prob get stuck with that bill too… I felt like saying, if you can afford to entertain the idea, let alone foot the bill, but entertain the idea of paying 90.00 a dinner and 9000.00 for decorations alone, you are a pompous biotch who should not even worry what the groom’s parents will pay. All I heard was, I need to brag about how much I am paying, please listen to me……………. See, why would that stress me, I can walk away from her and forget it so why am I even repeating it???
    People who use me, real or perceived, but people I believe are using me. You don’t give me the time of day, you are two faced and I know it to be fact, yet you smile at me and say if you could just do me this one little favor …… grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr That stresses me because I don’t have the nerve to say go to h— and that is prob what I really want to say but I don’t want the racquet or discomfort that goes with that confrontation.
    Slow computers stress me…………………………
    Tardiness stress me, if you tell me you are picking me up at 7 I have my boots and coat on and I am waiting for you at 6:45. How come when I am picking you up at 7 I am by the door until 7:15 because you can never seem to be ready on time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    An untidy house stresses me unless it’s the grand kids with toys because I see and hear them playing and it doesn’t matter and I know my time is not permanent with them. Other untidy reasons stress me.
    I like organization…
    I think things that are black and white, grey areas frustrate me… Make a decision, stick to it, stop pussy footing around and changing your mind with the group, stand for what you believe it or fall with the crowd.
    Violence, physical and emotional against women and children stress me. I take the hurt on as if its my own.
    Personally, not being able to communicate well what I feel to others stresses me. I have lost several significant friendships, people in my life. That is because I walk away from hurt rather than trying to fix it. I am not a fighter, I don’t like arguments, I like peaceful…
    Ungrateful people stress me, count your blessings and stop moaning life is short changed you.
    People who are all about themselves, it’s all about me, see me, hear me, look at me. People who would do anything for themselves and nothing for another…
    People who talk for the sake of being heard, you are so full of your5self.
    People who have learned how to use the system society created to protect the less fortunate to further themselves, to be lazy, to rape the government of funds that could be far better used in the pocket of an injured father or mother or a child that was just taken from its drug addictive parents. Healthy, strong people who are just too lazy to work because they know they can make more money than either one of us if you know the system well enough— What goes around, comes around, I hope………….
    When people talk to me like I am anything less than them.
    People who smoke and have no regard for people who don’t – yulk —
    Sarcasms and people who poke blip ridicule every opportunity. Who died and made you god? Who made you so almighty that you ridicule and you don’t even know you do. It like breathing for you…
    I guess I am stressed by all these little things because in order to change those little things I would have to confront the people who create the stressors and I am not a confrontational person. I am a person who likes things clam, peaceful, happy. I like to keep the energy clean and why dirty it up with little things. There are bigger battles to be fought and I will keep my confrontations for the big battles…
    I am not sure how this question is part of a positive day journal writing session but I’ve vented indeed!
    One Positive thing that happened today:
    My mom replied to my write up in another question and it was a heart filled warm reply to thank me for the thoughts. She told me I was a fab writer and I should really consider writing a book. She said I would buy your book, you write with such depth and emotional charge… That was nice to read!
    Another positive thing that happened today; It’s a snow day where I live – yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Just in from shoveling for two hours, can’t move my arms but I love the day off work and I do like the exercise and being outside!

  13. What stresses me out and why

    My decision coming out to be evaluated as wrong or less good by others, altough I only considered their feelings whn I am making that choice. Why, becouse this shows how much I am dependent on other people’s approvals. Rooting down to lack of self confidence..

    I already had a break in the morning after the interview I had for a new job, a nice cup of tea with fresh bakery!

    Positive things for today
    I had a positive interview for a new job
    I had phone conv with one of my best friends
    I had a encouriging phone conversation with my elder brother

  14. Alban Brice 13 years ago

    Fear of stammering in front of the public while giving a speech….is what stresses me the most.

    I hated public speaking. Not anymore due to my Toastmasters club which helps me to sort this issue.

  15. Thank you Celes for todays task…not just the stress question but also the second bit involving doing something special for yourself…it may so happen that i wanting to do something for yourself you often feel like, hey, i think i should stop here, its like there’s a guilt in indulging in yourself…..weird how life works….
    Anyways again, the bit up there shows my righteous nature and how i live in the naivete that if i do right, i expect others to do right too….but we live between a rock and a hard place…life isn’t a fairytale, is it? and so much ever there are dishonest people, 2-faced people and back-biters all around…thats what stresses me out, it hurts so bad that the body crumbles to the hypocrisy endured by the mind and the heart….
    But look what I’ve found. in the 7,200,000,000 people in the world (is that right?) i consider my self to be in the lucky few million globally that have a wish to live their life in the way that they decide…..
    So that’s the positive i take today, the reason to treat myself, i could have stood there and let life take the downturn but i’m standing here to in stead show it the about-turn! :D

  16. Having to finish my tasks in a hurry, having lots of things to do and feeling like I don’t have enough time, like I am not going to meet the deadline, running around doing errands, people that keep asking me the same questions again and again….incompetence, especially if I am working with the people responsible for it in mutual projects, which means that I will have to redo their tasks, not having enough time for myself, for reading, walking…and finally, not feeling like I have enough money to buy the basics and/not having a bit extra for a nice book, art, traveling, etc.
    I did took a longer walk today and read outside, for the first time this year, which was very nice.
    The positive thing for today was cleaning up my wardrobe closet – it felt so good! I am ready for giving away some of the stuff, selling others, etc. I do it every year, at least twice, and it always makes me feel free, liberated and decluttered – not just physically, but also mentally :)

  17. my biggest stress-Deadlines! whether self induced or by another party… i procrastinate til it becomes a last minute, high stress, under pressure completion. I’m that person who is late to meet you, running to an appointment, praying in the cab that the plane/bus/train hasn’t left, filing paperwork and paying bills last minute or late.
    It’s totally self imposed i’m completely aware of it and yet i still continue to do it!!!
    Why can’t i leave 5 minutes earlier, have something organized a day in advance?
    It has become habitual now and i’m not proud of it. Bare in mind this is not a stress i experience everyday…i have a lot of stress free days… so those days without deadlines i need to work on those things coming up with deadlines. wow easy to write hard to practice.
    WHY is the BIG question… i don’t like being late, upsetting friends, paying late fees, running to the gate.
    so why do i do it? Will ponder this tonight.

    So my break today is going to bed EARLY!.. i hope to get 8-9 hrs tonight, fingers crossed.

    PPP(pleasantly positive procurements) today
    Ran today- haven’t in a week.
    Caught up on my posts here
    watched an amazing video about Joseph Kony and the group Invisible Children and what i can do to help spread the message
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc

  18. Andria Yiasmin 13 years ago

    I believe that what stresses me the most is losing the love of other people. It is such an important thing to have. But on the other hand if you do not enjoy the love of other people and you keep all day stressing about it you gain nothing.

  19. There are quite a few things that stress me. I guess the things that stress me out the most are:

    My son not enjoying school. I worry about that and wish I could afford a Steiner school for him.
    Not saving my money and feeling like why do I bother to go to work then!
    A heavy workload at work
    A health problem that is irritating and unresolved
    Persistent dandruff
    Mild scoliosis that is painful and I’m not sure which exercises to do and not do, so much on the internet!
    Getting home late from work. I wish I had more time for my son.
    My parents and how they parent my 13 year-old brother. I think they are causing him to develop low-self esteem. I want to help but when I intervene they don’t take it well. I want to be there for my brother more but don’t feel I am managing it.
    Being disorganised and feeling unfocused.

    I am training for a half marathon so I might skip my run, or make it shorter. But then that would help me. Maybe I’ll just do it, do my work and get my tidying up done, make dinner but not worry too much about anything else. Still feels like a lot though!

    • OK so I skipped my run and just got a pizza for dinner. I’m now going to cook for now and tomorrow, tidy up (did half already), make my son’s lunch and get my running things and everything ready for tomorrow. I also want to come back on here to share my most positive thing and also do my morning pages from ‘The Artist’s Way’ and counting exercise and maybe a task or two. See you soon!

      • I finished tidying up although I didn’t get the other things done last night. Anyway, my most positive thing yesterday was getting all my work done, finishing the tidying up and having a very useful conversation with my friend about how my counselling went on Tuesday. A lot of stuff from childhood came up and it was nice to have someone to discuss it with. :)

  20. It’s ME that stresses me, which is most annoying because the only person I can blame is myself. Now, that’s something that stresses me!

    The good thing about realising this, however, is that perhaps it is within my control as to how stressed I get. For example, I used to hate it when the phone rang at home. I still do, really. For some reason I find it very intrusive and a bit scary. One of my daughters suggested getting caller ID set up on it, and so I did. It’s transformed my life – now I can see who is ringing and then decide whether or not to answer.

    Another concept I’m playing around with is the idea of simply allowing myself be stressed. It’s about accepting myself as I am, I suppose. For example, instead of getting stressed and then really telling myself off about it (ie for goodness sake stop being such an idiot/coward/wimp etc, Lottie), I try and just recognize it (ie oh Lottie, you seem to be getting all anxious again – what will help?). The mere fact of doing this takes away the shame and self blame about getting in a state.

    Give yourself a break – Yes, I do like the notion of treating ourselves as kindly as possible. Today, I am going to take a half hour during the day and sit in our very sunny living room window and do some crochet. Can’t wait!

    One positive thing about today – a book I ordered has arrived and it looks as if it’s going to be a really good read, so I’ll start that tonight. Brilliant!

  21. Not many, nowadays. That’s the beauty of growing older. You’ve gone through the motions, been there, done that, so not many can surprise you any more. So, you young people out there — just hang on there, it will not always be so bad. Things will get better. You will get better.

    My stress list is shorter and even though there are things that can trigger a stress, I have somehow learned how to manage them better.

    * untidy table or room or sink
    * radio or tv turned on too loud
    * people talking non-stop about nothing in particular
    * during my son’s exam time! He can be so relaxed while I get nervous!

    I’ll get a break next week during the school holidays. Have arranged for a body massage which I’m looking forward to so, I’ll hang on till then!

    Identify at least one positive thing about your day

    * received news that a friend’s husband is home with her after having been away for 4 months.
    My heart feels happy for her knowing how she misses him and all that.
    * my son left for his classes on time.
    * cooked a simple, stress-free dinner this evening.

  22. what stresses me and why::\
    a lot of things stress me,,e.g when ever i dont get what i want,when m forcefully pushed to something against my will,,when i cant handle my studies,,my communication with people,,when i realize i have been used or in other wordz manipulated by ma relations,freinds who really done that,,when i recall ma past as it has great influence on ma present life,,when i remember the loneliness of ma grandmother bt as i cant live wid her now,,it pains me alot…lots of thngs,incomplete aspirations,,lack of interest in studies,no normal approach towards life like oders have,,also gve stress,,last few month i was ill,,a long duration of treatment was also emotional trauma wen i took ma parents quite uncoperative regarding studies,,actually in past i nvr showed any of ma problem to ma parents lived away from them,,as they are working people so i have no attachment wid dem and ma siblings so this also stress ful,,when no one understands what i want, i m compelled to do unwanted thing…
    when i think i have wasted much of life time in odd things,,when i see many lacks and weaknesses in me.. :cry: :( ..and still wasting ma time…many thngs:(:(:(
    give yourself a break….m already living like a break cz i have not compromised to da things i dont want :angel:

    positive thing about the day::

    learnt a lesson of quitting, energy drink…it was expired,,MAY GOD HELP me…as i am alive and writing this post so its a positive thing for today for i am granted another day :bow: :bow: for the company of good people… :heart: :heart: :dance: :dance: :dance: :p :p :

    • Hi, just saw your comment before mine after I posted my comment. What great timing!

      It seems like you have gone though quite a lot but you’ve remained strong and I can see that you love your grandmother a lot.

      What are your dreams? What do you want to do after your studies?

      :heart:

      • its the tuning of heart actually between us :lol: :lol: :lol:

        m not a strong,,i am among those who fight with shadows,,i must now proceed in life but due to lack of courage,,not a habit of giving imporatnace to my self,, im not doing this,,stopped in ma life.. :( :( :rolleyes:

        i love ma grandmother,,she is ma first love… :dance: :dance: infact me spent ma childhood in her laps ma mother was in other country saudi arabi,,me in pakistan..due to intensive sensitivity,,and foolishness i was affected more..we are 3 sisters ,,all are a bit crack,,but they have normal approach towards life but i cant understand many things…

        wat i want…i just want peace of mind in a profession..i like police job or being a cricketer..bt no support,,no platform…i am a doctor now..i wanted to be psychiatrist or a demonstrator in basic subjects but is compelled for gynae and obs..and as m alone living with ma parents i dont find enough time for studies,,i have to practise for mother,,and many thngs whch she wants from me….as i m not used to,,to live with them,,to be obedient to every order of them,,no relation of understanding between us,,cant do any lil thing with ma choice so all this create big bang to me….

        i want study to excel but in ma own manner,on ma own choices,in ma own style..bt they dont understand any thng,they blame us for our shortcomings in our lives,,i cant cook,sew,drive,have no sense of dealing people,,no art of showing me beatiful,,bit overweight,no esthetic sense,not intelligent,not clever…so m blamed off alwiz…they dont realize that children are made like dat,,they learn from dem,from environment,,are taught by parents,,..not themselves….v r not heaven made personalities..or cant be selfmade…so stress stress stress stress in life….that vil remain until ALLAH ALMIGHTY wants me to be…i jst pray for ma self ,,weep alot…nothing anything help me out..if a person cant find peace at home where he can go in a country like ours :rolleyes:

        • Faiza, my heart goes out to you in your present situation. :hug:

          So, you are a doctor specializing in gynae and obstetrics but your actual interest is in psychiatric or demonstrator in basic subjects.

          From my observation, your positive points are:
          • you are a filial and good daughter – your parents are lucky to have you.
          • you are intelligent, otherwise, how did you got through all those years of studying and exams to be a doctor specializing in gynae and obs?
          • You have a dream and aspiration of becoming a psychiatrist
          • You are a sensitive, thinking and kind person
          • You are seeking to find yourself – and you will.

          Cooking, sewing, driving, etc. — can all be learned. As long as you open your heart to learn them, you can learn them.

          Beauty is subjective. In God’s eyes you are beautiful. In my observation, being beautiful does not guarantee happiness or success in life. Have you heard of Marilyn Monroe, a Hollywood actress? She was one of the most beautiful and successful actress of her times and yet she was not happy and took her own life. Look at Mother Teresa, Helen Keller (who was blind) – they are not known for their beauty but they lived a meaningful life and made a difference to other people’s lives.

          Is your grandmother living far away? Do you get to visit her regularly?

          I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive all those you think have done you wrong. Forgive them for sometimes they are not aware of what they are doing because they themselves are suffering.

          And, most of all, I hope you will love yourself, each day a little more. Do it one step at a time.

          I may be far away from you and I send you my love. :heart:

          • thanx ASNI for the kind words and love…it means alot to to me …though v dnt knw each other but v are from same species….lolz….i have wasted much of ma life,,and think the blessings of ALLAH ALMIGHTY increasing day by day,,by company of good people,,giveing life to me food,education ,parents and all the things surrounding me,,saw boy,,wid bowd legs and thanked for mine,,and many more thngs whch are countless….still i wanna improvement in ma life which will come with time

  23. Hmmm… what stresses me out? As someone else here stated, situations I feel I don’t have under control can stress me out. Mainly the feeling of not having my life in general under control.
    At the Imoment one of my biggest stressors is the worry about the future… I have a rough plan what I’ll be doing, but it’s not yet clear how I’ll be earning money or what I’ll be doing beside my part-time Feldenkrais training course (40 days a year…) I’m sure it’ll work out, but the worry has caused me a lot of grief in the past. I’m not feeling too bad about it at the moment.

    Getting up early all the time and staying up too late, not getting enough sleep really messes me up.

    Continuous loud noise, people listening to music out loud or too loud on their mobiles or mp3 players bug the hell out of me too. Probably because there’s not much you can do about it. Again, situations outside of my control… I generally remove myself from their company nowadays, it’s not worth the annoyance.

    My probably biggest stressor is probably the underlying feeling I always have that I have to be DOING something all the time. And something “worthwhile”. It gets so bad sometimes that if there’s nothing to do I start to get really nervous. One holiday it took me the whole first week just to let go of that impulse (there really was nothing to do) and just letting myself relax. It’s quite horrible sometimes. As if I’m simply unable to let myself just be. Relax and play. Just let go for a bit. Do something pointless for a change.

    I know I need to lighten up. Our body needs rest, relaxation and play and we’re idiots if we think we can get away without it.

    After my finals I think I’ll spend a week just doing nothing. Unless I really feel like doing something.

    My mind’s chatter is another thing… it’s probably one of the reasons I do keep busy, to distract myself from its constant noise… It’s also one of the reasons I read so much. It drowns out the sometimes quite nasty little voice that harrasses me all the time, creating pointless scenarios in my head, always asking “what if”, telling me “you should be doing…” “you should have said…”, “you should tell her… but then she’ll say… and then you’ll do so and so…” I went through a really bad phase during my last relationship in which I felt I was a complete prisoner in my own head… of my own thoughts… I’m trying to acknowledge that chatter at the moment, without getting sucked in by it… but it’s difficult sometimes…

    Why do theses things stress me?

    I have a deep sense of insecurity I think, a big feeling of “not being enough” and I try to cling to things that give me an illusion of control. At the same time I’m denying my true nature, which is probably causing frustration.

    I feel I always need to “fix mysef” and “fix my life”… I think I have a deeply ingrained sense of “there’s something wrong with me… some part of me… some part that needs “correction”… If I find it and fix it I will be happy, my life will be okay…”

    I know that’s not how it works, but some part of me still believes that…

    Where does this feeling come from? I’m not sure… Dad always used to read self-help books… I grew up hooked on them… intrigued by the fact that there were “simple” step-by-step or similar programmes that could lead to a “better life”. We underestimate the power of words… Constantly reading about improvement probably lead to a deep-seated belief that there was something about me that needed “improving”. That wasn’t “good enough”.

    Always doing something distracts me from my feelings of inadequacy, and also makes me feel I’m working on myself/my life/blah… It also means I don’t have to listen so much to the chatter in my head.

    What is the root of those feelings… I used to be such a positive person…?

    Was it my “failure” to make my last partner happy? My “failure” to make the relationship work?
    I have this feeling of “I just can’t cope…” with my life, my thoughts… anything… someone on some blog once phrased it very nicely “I think I’m just doomed”…

    I feel I’m looking for myself, my purpose… and can’t seem to find it…

    There’s nothing wrong with me… but I’m constantly trying to find something that is…

    My thoughts are all confused… I think I need to think on this again…

    Thank you Celes, for this great question… it really has me questioning some fundamental beliefs that are getting in the way of my happiness…

    Sorry for the incoherent ramblings… this needs some more thought and structuring…

    A great video I wanted to share on things that get in the way of out happiness:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0

    Postitive things today:

    Woke up with my lovely boyfriend.
    Got some work done on my project.

    I decluttered the top of my desk the other day and decorated it nicely for inspiration, with a wooden bowl, candle and quotes. I lit the candle I put there for the first time today. I couldn’t believe the sense of calm and peace that suddenly came over me… It was beautiful. I was suddenly smiling from sheer happiness. And I love the vanilla scent… mmmmmh.
    Here’s a photo of my desktop :)

  24. Feeling that I’m not doing enough really stresses me out.
    And then, because I feel stressed, I do less, which makes me more stressed. It really doesn’t make sense.

    What was positive today? We had time to stop at our storage space and retrieve some of our stuff that we had to put there in a big hurry. The truck is starting to feel like home!

  25. I’m a normally quite stressed person. Two things that stress me a lot are the fear of not being pretty enough (and by “pretty” i mean tall, well educated, with good make-up, thin or not talking too loud), and being on time. I am always on time – actually, I am always early. About 10-15 minutes early in all cases, to be honest. So I wait for nothing but if I don’t have this time before any kind of meeting, I’m anxious and can’t do anything productive for the meeting !
    In one hour, I’ll take a break and go to school by bike : it’s 25km and I do it in about 1hr and a half (I’m quite slow because I didn’t train for a long time, I used to do that in 35-45 minutes but here it’s not for competition that I’m doing it).

    What made me smile yesterday was going in the sun for quite a long time and reading a new book that I really enjoyed (it’s CHERUB, it’s quite childish but after all, I’ll be 18 in 20 days, let’s make the most of these last teen days !).

  26. The first I thought was my career. I started my profession a bit late compare to my peer…. Nevertheless, I think it is settling well though…..…. I actually feel grateful to learn from a good master and a senior who is very experience and willing to teach….
    Though everything has to start from scratch, well, like a fresher……but guess this is how it should be so I just have to bear with it…

    The next…….I thought it was my plan to attend for my convocation, though it is going to be held in the next few months, but I wish to have better planning this time, so I will do my planning earlier..

    Then I thought about those house loans and/or car loan…..I actually thought most of my friends or peers, they have actually started to acquire their own vehicles and even having their own properties…I actually been provided these from my father…I guess I should just stop comparing and let myself out of these unnecessary stresses……

    Then I thought most of my friends have settled down, get married and have adorable kids…should I be doing the same too….nevertheless, I have not meet the right one, what have to be stressed about then?

    Afterall, I thought it is better to just live in the moment and enjoy life…. Face problems and challenges rather than feeling stress about it. It is really unnecessary….

    Positive thing:
    -working wholeheartedly today.
    -talk frankly.
    -encourage sister to go for her dream.
    -collected my dance costume, very pretty made.
    – happy about my life.
    -looking forward for the dance practice later.

  27. Stress at work is the worst feeling at the moment.

    We are all pushing ourself, giving more than 100% of ourselves and we are told it is still not good enough.

    There are lots of positive and negative factors affect the stress – higher expectations to achieve and aim higher, more challenges to keep us motivation, business not doing well, stress from pressure create negativity, problems at home or personal problems make you perform less and cannot concentrate much at work, so this again affect work performance.

    I put in my mind to exercise as much as I can after work, even 15mins to help clear my mind.

    I was commenting about my hair to a colleague today, and that make her laugh and we both laugh and really made our day better. She then said to me, better talking silly things and laugh at it than other people who are depressed all the time.

  28. What Stresses You Out? Why?

    I am currently having sort of a break, doing things at my own pace rather than being pressured by deadlines, superiors, etc. I had my moments of intense stress in the past though. Come to think of it, although I would remember significantly stressful moments that were ’caused’ by external events and factors, like studying for A Levels and meeting demands from a superior, I realize that stress comes from how we interpret a situation, no matter what it is. So I am commonly stressed out by my own negative thoughts and emotions, even now with no significant event happening at the moment. I tend to worry and ruminate a lot.

    So what I do now to deal with worry and stress are, letting go of all thoughts and accepting all feelings when stress comes, doing a bit of meditation, having long walks, deep breathing, and being grateful about my life in general.

    Identify at least one positive thing about your day.

    Is that cheating if I say ‘learning to play piano’ again? I really enjoy playing it, even for 30 min. I feel especially good when I see that I actually improve in my piano skill each time I play.

  29. Arnold Tse 13 years ago

    I get stressed in social situations when I don’t know what to say to people, or when people don’t act they way I thought they would. I get stressed at myself for realizing that I should have done or not done something which would have lead to better consequences. I get really stressed when dealing with failures that I feel like I could only blame myself for, especially with relationships.

  30. What Stresses You? Why?
    My stress comes mostly from my job, I get stressed when the deadlines are too tight and I don’t know exactly how I am going to solve the issues. Why? Because I feel I don’t have control and I am responsible for that work. I also feel stressed when I am busy doing something and then out of the blue another priority comes and I need to solve it as well. In this instance I think I get stressed because I dislike chaos and again i don’t feel I have control.
    I’ll move my break for tomorrow, it is 7:30pm and I already had planned so work to do tonight. But tomorrow will be ;)
    One positive thing, I learned a lot about e-readers. I had no idea the functionalities and differences of those devices.

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