This is Day 14 of the 15-Day Affirmation Challenge held in July 2014, where we practice positive affirmations for 15 days. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.
Dear everyone, welcome to Day 14 of our 15-Day Affirmation Challenge! :D Just two more days before our challenge ends (including our break day tomorrow)!
Here is the overview of all the posts for the challenge so far:
- Affirmation Challenge announcement and signup details: 15-Day Affirmation Challenge |Over 460 Participants!
- Affirmation Challenge Day 1 [New Beginning] | 78 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 2 [Self-Love] | 79 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 3 [Ability] | 87 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 4 [Setbacks] | 55 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 5 [Gratitude] | 63 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 6 [Self-Worth] | 71 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 7 [Opportunities] | 79 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Week 1 Catch-Up | 38 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 8 [Physical Looks] | 67 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 9 [Relationships] | 41 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 10 [Love] | 51 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 11 [Career] | 20 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 12 [Wealth] | 33 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 13 [Health] | 10 Comments
End of Week 2
We’re now at the end of Week 2 of the Affirmation Challenge! Week 2 has been about cultivating positive beliefs in the different areas of our life wheel. From our physical looks (part of self-image), to our relationships, to romance, to career, to wealth, and to health, these are six areas that we have explored in the past six days.
As the life wheel areas are meant to be pillars that we build throughout life, the affirmations we’ve been practicing and action steps we have set in the past week are by no means ends in themselves. Rather, they are merely first steps towards the right direction. What’s going to come next depends on the actions that we take next, as opposed to what we’ve done for the past two weeks. This challenge is merely a kickstart, something to remind you of what has always been in you. Remember that as we move towards the end of the challenge!
As we wrap up the life wheel week, the last area I want to cover is…
Day 14: [Self-Image]
![Affirmation Wallpaper, [Self-Image]: "I'm perfect as myself."](jpg/affirmation-self-image.jpg)
Today’s affirmation: “I’m perfect as myself.”
Have you ever made such statements to yourself?
I’m not good enough.
I hate myself.
I’m so stupid and ugly.
I can’t love myself until I become X.
I’ve so many flaws and imperfections.
I’m not worthy of anything.
I’m a good-for-nothing.
I’m sure some of you can relate to at least a statement or two above. After all, some of these are exact statements that I have seen in the comments section of PE, including during this very challenge.
Negative self-image is a real problem that many of us face, be it successful entrepreneurs, overachieving executives, hopeful students, proud parents, social butterflies, or even fashion models. (In fact, it is said that models are among those with the least self-esteem despite being lauded for their conventional good looks, because of the way the industry scrutinizes and objectifies them for their bodies!) Unlike Day 8 where we talk about physical looks, when I say “self-image,” I’m referring to more than just physical looks. I’m talking about how we perceive ourselves, from our physical looks, to our ability, to our self-perceived worth, to other aspects of ourselves.
I myself have moments of negative self-thinking, where I make statements like, “I suck” and “I hate myself.” This typically happens when things go wrong and I feel that I could have circumvented them but failed to do so. Much of this behavior can be attributed to a heavy level of self-responsibility — I often feel that I’m responsible for everything, and for something to go wrong, I’m the only person to blame as I should have anticipated it but didn’t. While having a high internal locus of control is good, the tendency to always blame myself when things go wrong isn’t. After all, what I can do is my best, and if there are situations where “my best” don’t match up to my expectations, then I need to respect myself (first and foremost) for doing my best, after which I should use this as a learning experience to become better — and not beat myself up for not meeting (my) expectations!
So today, instead of saying “I suck” and “I hate myself” when things go wrong, I’ve learned to say, “Thank you for trying your best. Let’s now think about what we’ve learned from this episode, and how we can do things differently (and better) next time.” :)
There’s something that participant Santas shared during Day 12’s task on wealth that I want to share with you guys. She said, “I have read that being wealthy is what we are supposed to be and not having money (circulate in our lves) can be compared to not having enough blood cells in our veins. It’s like a sickness caused by poor thinking habits.”
How true is that? The thing is, this example applies to our self-thoughts too. When we think negative self-thoughts, it’s like having dirty, infected blood in our veins. While some may think that our negative self-thoughts have no impact on us (other than just being negative self-thoughts), that’s not true at all. Our self-thoughts are so pervasive and rudimentary that they affect our very life experience and the future that we create, much like how our “quality” of blood affects our physical health. This dirty and infected blood (our self-thoughts), being that it’s an inherent part of our body, proceeds to stain the quality of our life, stain the quality of our relationships, limit our ability to perform (in our goals and tasks), and impede our personal potential.
After all, if one is constantly thinking self-bashing and self-disparaging thoughts, then how can that person hope to become anything different from those self-thoughts? Thoughts like “I hate myself” will only encourage you to pin-point your own flaws at every turn and behave in a self-hating way (sometimes leading to self-sabotaging behaviors); thoughts like “I’m not worthy of anything” will only enforce your lack of worthiness (to yourself) and encourage you to create an unworthy life. Because, like I’ve mentioned since the beginning of the challenge and my recent radio interview, our thoughts (consciously and subconsciously) affect our actions, which then affect our results.
Hence, our second last task of the challenge is to address any negative thoughts about ourselves. Now, let’s get started! :D
Your Task Today
- Identify at least one negative self-belief/thought. What is one negative self-belief/thought you have? For example:
- I’m not good enough.
- I hate myself.
- I’m so stupid and ugly. (Refer to Day 8 on [Physical Looks] for more on tackling negative self-thoughts on our physical looks.)
- I can’t love myself until I become X.
- I’ve so many flaws and imperfections.
- I’m not worthy of anything.
- I’m a good-for-nothing.
(Pick one belief/thought that you’ve not addressed in the past 13 tasks. You are welcome to explore more than one if you like.)
- When did this negative self-belief/thought start? All our beliefs/thoughts have an origin, as what I’ve shared in my childhood stories article. For example, a woman may think she is ugly because she was teased about her looks as a kid and she often has trouble getting dates. Someone who thinks “I’m worthless” may do so because his/her dad constantly said, “You’re such a worthless kid!” when he/she was a child. How about for you? When did this negative self-belief/thought of yours start, and how did it start?
- Challenge this negative self-belief/thought. Is it true? Sure, you may be justified for having this self-belief/thought based on the incident(s) you wrote in Step #2, but that doesn’t mean that it’s true. For example:
- Just because you were teased about your looks as a child doesn’t mean you were/are ugly! It just meant that the people who teased you did a narrow perception of beauty, and also that they were socially insensitive. (I share this exact experience and how I internally addressed it in my beauty article.)
- Similarly, if your parent said you were X when you were a kid (where X can be any negative adjective), it doesn’t mean you are truly X. That was just his/her comment at that point in time, and it could have been said in a fit of anger, low consciousness, or simply an erroneous belief on his/her part.
- Create new positive belief(s). What new positive belief(s) can you use to replace the negative self-beliefs/thoughts from Step #1 with?
- Say your new belief(s), along with today’s affirmation:
“I’m perfect as myself.”
(If you think it’s silly to say this out loud, you can say it silently in your heart.)
I encourage you to write down your new belief(s) and today’s affirmation so that you can always see them and commit them to your heart. Repeat them every day to yourself, for as many times and as long as needed, until they become part of your default thinking.
Affirmation Wallpaper: [Self-Image]
Today’s affirmation wallpaper, for download:
Download (right click and save): [1366×768] [1600×900] [1920×1080]
Further Reading
Share Your Results!
Share your results, check out other participants’ responses, and interact with each other in the comments section! Remember, this challenge is a community effort: by openly engaging in the discussion, not only will you help others, you’ll also help yourself.
If you think today’s affirmation has benefited you, do share it with your friends and family.
Once you’re done, proceed to Affirmation Challenge Week 2 Review and Catchup!
(Images: Flower, Red flower)
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It’s hard for me to accept appreciation and acknowledge from others, my response always is it’s nothing to talk about. just did what I should do. Nothing to be celebrated.
I am too hard for myself, when I did things good, I feel it’s normal, I just do what I should do; if I did things wrong, I feel I am too bad, even can’t do things right. Instead of appreciate
the efforts and time I spent to achieve this result.
I like the saying to Celes, I SHOULD SAY Thank you and ACHKOWLDGE myself for the efforts I spent for the hard work I tried.
Your Task Today
Identify at least one negative self-belief/thought. What is one negative self-belief/thought you have? For
example:
I’m not good enough.
When did this negative self-belief/thought start?
1)
My grandfather wants a boy, but
I am the girl, I am not good enough;
2)
I just can’t get 100 score in
maths, since I always careless for something, I am not good enough;
3)
My parents fight, and I feel I
am the cause, I am not good enough, if I am good enough, they won’t fight with
each other;
4)
My father always can see the
flaw of myself, I am not good enough;
5)
My teenager’s schoolmates
teased me on the color of my skin, not the traditionally white as Chinese
preferred.
6)
I am not good enough, if I am
good enough, people will like me more;
7)
I am not good enough, if I am
good enough, I won’t wait such long to get the position I wanted;
8)
I am not good enough, I want to
be a trainer, but I just know too little things, I have a long way to go;
9)
I want to pursue master degree,
I am not good enough since I failed the exams;
10) My GPA is strong, but I failed all final interview I attended, I am
not good enough;
3.
Challenge this negative
self-belief/thought. Is it true?
The insight during the task is: I can’t get what I want because I rejected myself first. when I
feel I am not good enough, why others give me the best? When I feel I am not
deserved the best, how could I get the best?
My grandfather loves me even if I am a girl; my parents fight because lots of reason, which is not my fault; my
father love me well, just didn’t express that during my presence. He proud of
me.
The company rejected when a few years ago, just
can’t see my fit with them, it doesn’t mean I am not good enough.
Create new positive belief(s). What new
positive belief(s) can you use to replace the negative
self-beliefs/thoughts from Step #1 with?
I am good enough, and I deserve the best.
Say your new belief(s), along with today’s affirmation:
“I’m perfect as myself.”
I am good enough, and I deserve the best.
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_a2fd0f5f0102uzqm.html
Identify at least one negative self-belief/thought
I’ve low will power
When did this negative self-belief/thought start?
Many a times, when I know that I’ve to be doing something important, I end up doing something that’s just a distraction, which at best gives temporary pleasure. I’ve noticed this thing about me since childhood, where I would study just before exams, or watch TV for hours at end. And there have been repeated instances of this belief being re-affirmed. Although, most of my friends and family think that I’ve extremely good will-power and that i’m very hard-working. I get praised for this a lot. However, even when I’m praised, I go back to thinking that the people who’re praising me(even family) don’t know me completely. I remember instances where I would’ve wanted to do something, but would’ve ended up wasting time with something else.
To be fair to me, I think I’ve above average will power. But my expectations from me are high. And I tend to be critical of myself when I don’t meet them. When many people just aim to put in 8 hours of work each day, I would like to put in 3-4 hours of additional productive time in my life. And when I don’t manage to be my best at everything I attempt, I end up thinking I just don’t have enough self-control to keep giving my best.
Challenge this negative self-belief/thought.
I don’t factor in enough time for recuperation every day I think. A good news is that I’m continually improving. I probably expect too much from myself. To meet my expectations right from today. To be 100% productive starting now. I tend to not appreciate that I’ve actually been continuously improving. If I would look back at myself, at least from past 3-4 years, I can clearly see that I’ve been continuously improving. There are bound to be failures. But repeated failures too don’t mean I’m not progressing. As long as I can clearly notice improvement. I think I should be less harsh on myself. More kind.
Create new positive belief(s).
I’ve good will power. I may fail sometimes, but it’s like a muscle that I’m still training and it’s improving. I just need to be persistent. And no matter what, even if I finally don’t meet my expectations I’m still perfect, just as myself!
1)I validate my self-worth depending on what others think/say about me.
2 & 3)a.Because I was the 3rd child and wanted to find a place in my family, but this was just a misconception of mine because I did not know back then that my negative thoughts lef to negative effects
b.I was made fun off not because there was something wrong/weird about me but because my bullies had their own insecurities and reasons and fears to be as they were. They deserve love and forgiveness as well.
c.I was treated ugly by guys but they did that because of group pressure. It did not mean that I was actually ugly plus their opinion does not define my beauty. I feel beautiful just as I am.
Empowering belief:
My family loves me just as I am and I have evidence of this because I have been true to them as of late and they have acccepted me as ME.
I have no reasons to fear my enemies because they are as equally afraid as I am.
Action Step:
Unroot my hateful feelings towards my bullies and forgive them.
All my life I have struggled with issues such as self-esteem, self confidence. I often compare myself to others and this behaviour could be attributed to having specific incidents when I was a child.
When I was small (3-4 year old) I was abused by a neighbour. My parents had constant fights among themselves (I can’t remember a day when there were zero fights in our house. Either it’s my parents fight, or it’s me fighting with them or it’s me again fighting with my younger sister)
In school I was the class topper, who participated in all the extra co- curricular activities. However when I stepped in higher secondary, I seemed to loose all the confidence I had. There were so many intelligent people over there and I thought I knew nothing. I could not measure myself to even half of what they had. They were also quite smart. I got frustrated.
Again my chemistry teacher used to insult me for every practical period of mine in front of the whole class. I had taken science as my major subject. Prior to that in school we didn’t have to deal so much with chemicals especially concentrated acids. However when I stepped in higher sec we had to use harsh chemicals every now and then. I can’t tell you how I used to get terrified of handling concentrated acids and other chemicals. She could have given me more time to adjust to the new environment. However she chose to berate me in front of everybody.
When I was around 16 years old my uncle slapped me. (It was my fault actually). However what I didn’t like was that my mother stood over there in other room without saying anything, she didn’t not even try to defend me. On top of it she doubted me only. When I think of the incident I can’t tell you how angry I get.
Even now I don’t have the confidence to participate for competitions in public. I love to sing. But whenever I stand in front of everyone, it’s as though I get panic attacks. As if my energy precipitates to ground. I feel so much anxiety. Even for my birthday celebrations, when everybody sings the birthday song for me, I feel so embarrassed. I feel that I am not worthy of it.
When I have to interact with very confident people automatically my own level of confidence goes down. Wonder why.
I have a time table made for studies, if I follow it partially (due to some unavoidable circumstances) and not in the exact manner, I abandon studying for the day altogether. I’m even scared to focus on a project fully and give my 100% because I feel anyhow I’m going to fail, and I won’t be able to enjoy other activities such as reading, watching movies etc.
I get discouraged when things don’t go my way. I get discouraged when I don’t see results soon and assume that I am a failure, good for nothing.
The negative self image statements I use often are
“Massive success is for others, not for me”
“I won’t be able to achieve such great goals”
“I’m not worthy of having so much in life because I don’t have special talent”
“I’m a serious and introvert girl and guys usually like smart, outgoing girls. So I’m not sure whether I’m going to attract the right one.”
A good way to start challenging such beliefs could be to realize that my past doesn’t dictate my future. Just because something has happened in the past doesn’t mean I should be bound by it. Success basically depends on focus and constant practice. As I long as I move forward in proper direction with a positive attitude and dedication all feel fall into its place.
I do believe in ‘eventual success’. I am a slow learner however I also know that everything will turn in my favour provided I give it time and effort.
One nagging thought I’ve always had in the back of my mind is that I’m not worthy of all the goals and dreams I have for myself, that I don’t deserve, that I’m not good enough for them.
As I’ve written in Day 2’s post, I’m not entirely sure why or how I started to think this. I think perhaps it is a combination of several things including my own personality traits, the reactions of other people as well as circumstances and situations in my life. It’s difficult for me to pinpoint exactly one reason or moment in my life that led to this, but I would venture to guess that it started somewhere around early teenage hood (as I was a pretty confident child, but things went downhill from secondary school), which grew and grew as I faced certain disappointments and setbacks in my life, especially in my relationships. I began to feel like everything I hoped for, no matter how small, would just not materialize in the way I wanted it to. That led me to feeling like getting anything I wanted was just too good to be true, that only luck would bring me to my goals and dreams. Then there were many times I’ve faced rejection (many happening in the last few years) which has led me to question my worth, and whether or not I’m good enough, for anyone, or for any goal I want to achieve.
Well, it’s certainly true that there were many things I wanted that always seemed out of my reach, and that many a time I would be hopeful for a certain outcome, only to have it go poof right in front of me. It’s also true that I’ve had to face rejection several times, especially in the last few years which, among other experiences in university, battered my self confidence. I think the only way for redemption is to change the way I see these experiences. I have to trust that the reason things didn’t go as planned was because there was a better outcome another way, even if I don’t immediately see what it was. And as for the rejection, perhaps these people were not the right people for me, at that time, or ever. It’s difficult to truly believe in your own worth when what feels like the whole world is telling you otherwise, but the truth is these people didn’t stop and take the time to get to know me. They didn’t know the core of who I am, my likes and dislikes, the deeper
side of me. So it was only a shallow rejection. It tells me that they weren’t worth grieving over because I was not in their hearts anyway. If someone can reject another based on a shallow perception of who they are, then they aren’t worth that person’s time or care or love. In the end, love has to come from myself first, and then it won’t matter if people are shallow and narrow minded in their rejection.
I am worthy of achieving my goals and dreams. I am capable and competent and have the power to make them come true. I deserve loving, caring, genuine people in my life who take the time to get to know me. I deserve people who will stick around to get to know the deeper side of me and love and accept me for it.
http://hopeafterheartbreak.blogspot.com/2014/07/15-day-affirmation-challenge-day-14.html
It is no use starting a business and engaging in business deals now. Maybe it’s too late. That has been my negative limiting self-image/thought which has plunged me into a procrastinating vicious circle
My family’s challenge i.e. my wife and I have not been endowed the grace of bearing the fruit of the womb. There have been repeated miscarriages, an extra-uterine pregnancy, stringent medical treatments, an aborted test-tube foetus implantation etc. The financial expenses were huge.
We crossed a painful moment of resignation, passivity and suffering. Due to the above, my natural drive to fight has dropped. Of what use is it getting engaged into business? Making money,
becoming rich? For whom? Being aware that a married couple not bearing children in my environment is like a debacle, a curse!!! Many people avoided us, even friends, even church members. A lot of them indulged in their favorite sport, backbiting, slandering, gossiping etc.
Then we decided to adopt a baby girl who is 13 years of age now. A smart and clever girl. She was also a victim of gossiping when she was in primary school. One day a jealous classmate of hers came round spreading in the school that she was not our blood daughter, calling her of sorts of names at break time. Fortunately my wife, our daughter and I were all prepared for this kind of situation. We learned that the gossiper was a negative neighbor’s daughter. Our daughter found the right words to cut all short. And that was the end of it. We thought we had missed so many opportunities. We wonder whether it is not too late now. The business environment has become bolted as if with a padlock.
These are things I don’t like to talk about much but I don’t want to miss this opportunity to speak it out and seize this Affirmative Challenge Training opportunity for freedom and healing.
Now my wife and I are awakening from a long numb sleep. Things are coming back to normal.
As a matter of fact ………
I am grateful for everything in my life
My past does not define me; my future is mine to create.
I have the power to overcome any obstacle that stands in my way
I am in conscious relationships that elevate and support me
Opportunities are everywhere, it is up to me to find or create them and make things happen
I can achieve anything as long as I set my heart to it
And “I’m perfect as myself.”
Thanks a lot, Celestine.
“Thank you for trying your best. Let’s now think about what we’ve learned from this episode, and how we can do things differently (and better) next time.” Thank you Celes, I love this “mantra” :) I think it will be helpful for me because I usually tend to be happy when things go right and beat myself up when I fail (simply based on the outcome and not on the intention behind my actions).
I’m so glad you found that helpful Micas! :D Use that the next time you feel like beating yourself up, and remember to celebrate the effort you’ve put in as opposed to feeling bad about the outcome not matching up with the ideal! :)
Today I feel will be a tough one for me; I’m either going to go deep into it and share it all, or not deep at all so I can work on it in my own time. That said, let’s see how this goes!
We’ll get right to it: what’re some of my negative self-beliefs?
–“I’m not good enough.” — Pretty much at the root of all of my worries.
–“I’ve already messed up too badly.” — Usually comes up when I procrastinate. This thought prevents me from working to correct things, as I tend to convince myself that it’s a lost cause and that no amount of effort can fix the situation I’m in.
–“It’s not going to amount to anything, anyway.” — Stems from me
usually beginning a million things and never finishing, due to some
reason or another.
When did these beliefs start?
–“I’m not good enough.” — I’m not sure when this started. Perhaps as early as kindergarten/first grade because I remember trying to hang out with a group of girls and always feeling like I was “forcing” myself into the group, because it felt like they’d run off and leave me behind
as soon as they could.
–“I’ve already messed up too badly.” — I mean, I cause the procrastination that makes this thought occur, but I’m not sure why my instinct is to give up rather than try and fix things. I suppose my
perfectionism is getting in the way at this time. I think when I was younger I would try to fix mistakes (my own, or others) and my efforts wouldn’t be acknowledged. Perhaps I think this way because I’ve noticed time and again if I ever change an aspect of myself, people still see the old aspect and not the new one. Change/improvement therefore becomes awkward because the reactions of others tends to make me revert back to how I used to be/think/act, rather than how I’m aiming to be! I’m afraid that people will never see my effort, just my mistakes. I can only imagine that the next time they’ll acknowledge me is when I’m making another mistake!
–“It’s not going to amount to anything, anyway.” — I’ve wanted to learn/try/do new things so many times in my life, but I rarely get past the beginner’s phase before I move on to the next thing. This happens to me constantly. I’m always getting new ideas to try, getting curious about new things to learn, wanting to do more/different things. Growing up, I know my parents had my sister and I try many different types of activities — soccer, cheer leading, gymnastics, ballet — but we never stuck with any one of them. I think my parents meant well by wanting to expose us to different things, and I think the reason we always quit was probably partly some level of disinterest from us (my sister and I), but also largely in part due to my parents not wanting us to continue for one reason or another (too expensive, too much travel, etc.) I think I picked up on some of the negative thinking (“This is too much effort to let you continue doing X/Y/Z”), and thus I only stick to things while they’re “fun.” I’m sure my desire to try/learn new things is a big part of it, but it seems I’m also opposed to hard work.
What can I do to challenge these beliefs?
–“I’m not good enough.” — Despite being ingrained with the desire to be good enough for others, I really don’t need to prove myself to anyone. And even externally, there’s lots of proof that I am
good enough: I have an internship that I needed to be selected for, I have a boyfriend that chose to ask me out. Even without those things though, it doesn’t matter. Not everyone will like me, and that’s okay. I have to focus on doing my best, because that is literally the best I can do to be “good enough.”
–“I’ve already messed up too badly.” — If I really do focus on doing/being my best as I just mentioned, I should think this less often. That said, I will be automatically trying to fix my mistakes in aiming to do my best. Besides, even in the worst case scenarios I can think of, there will always be a way to pick myself back up from whatever “mess ups” I can possibly get myself into. I need to focus on being/doing my best for me, because obviously doing it for other people isn’t enough motivation if I keep having the opportunity to think this!
–“It’s not going to amount to anything, anyway.” — I frequently question the value of the work I’m doing, but the truth is, it IS valuable on some level. If it weren’t, I wouldn’t be doing it/asked to
do it! As for my own attempts to do things/learn things/etc., I think I have to get more specific in my goal-setting so that I make the things important to me happen, while realizing I shouldn’t try to overwork myself. Maybe I decide to move on to a new thing in the future, but now I know a lot about something else too! If I find a thing or two to truly take up in the long run, I’ll have plenty of time to humor my other interests as they pop up or dissipate. I have to remember my deepest motivations, desires, and values constantly so I can channel them into accomplishing all the things that are truly meaningful to me.
I think at the end of the day I still really need to work on valuing myself and how I spend my time. Sometimes when I’m really down, it’s because I’m thinking, “Why does it matter?” and I find it hard to care about myself or anything.
I think the answer is, “It matters because this is my ONE chance to live life.” The seconds will tick by regardless of if I’m doing something I love or not, so why not try to fill them with as much of the stuff I love as possible?
Honestly, I’ll have to work hard I think to truly believe in that, and to convince myself to really do my best in all situations, as I think I’ve got a lot more to uncover about myself. But I think this is a
good start for now.
Here’s my post for today: http://hackmyheart.com/affirmation-challenge-day-14/
“–“It’s not going to amount to anything, anyway.” — Stems from me usually beginning a million things and never finishing, due to some
reason or another.”
THIS! I do the same thing: I start studying 3 different things at once, start 2 blogs at the same time, apply several products to my skin in a short period of time, I used to do the same thing with weight loss/health-related habits (try drinking vinegar, lemon water, and warm water with honey all during the same period of time). But eventually I stopped and abandoned everything. I guess this is one of the reasons why I feel like I can’t achieve anything of importance (as I’ve said in my original comment to this article as well). Love the way you challenged your beliefs — “It matters because this is my ONE chance to live life.”
One of my favorite quotes that I strive to live by every day is “Make your state of mind more important than what you are doing, at every given moment.” Applied to this day’s task, I would re-word it to say, “Make acceptance of yourself as you are, more important than outsider views or past negative beliefs, at every given moment.” Thoughts are a choice. Today I choose to think that I am a perfect version of myself.
This is marvelous, Susan. What a good application of that idea! Do you remember who the quote is from?
Hi Vicki. The quote is from Hugh Prather in his book called The Little Book of Letting Go. He says that if all mystical teachings could be summed up in one sentence, it would be “Make your state of mind more important than what you are doing.” I struggle with letting go. The very best book on letting go that I have found is by David R. Hawkins called “Letting Go – The Pathway of Surrender.” For me, it’s worth re-reading every year for the rest of my life. It’s the one book that changed my view of everything.
1. Identify at least one negative self-belief/thought. What is one negative self-belief/thought you have?
-Whenever I fail I say this: I am disappointed in myself.
2. When did this negative self-belief/thought start?
-I don’t know when I started thinking this way, it feels as old as I am. It’s like my evil twin that always makes me sad when I think about it
3. Challenge this negative self-belief/thought. Is it true?
-Sometimes it’s true but most of the time it’s not true because I did all I could do and my wanting to be a perfectionist belittles my efforts.
4. Create new positive belief(s). What new positive belief(s) can you use to replace the negative self-beliefs/thoughts from Step #1 with?
-I don’t have to be like perfectionist as long as I am satisfied with my result, forget what people think.
-I did well.
-I didn’t quit.
-I got better than the first time.
5. Say your new belief(s), along with today’s affirmation:
-I don’t have to be like perfectionist as long as I am satisfied with my result, forget what people think.
-I did well.
-I didn’t quit.
-I got better than the first time.
“I’m perfect as myself.”
Being righteous, expecting perfection, being afraid of slipping up….we’ve all grown to that mentality….but slip ups occur, they make the journey more interesting….there is absolutely no point or reason in digressing about something that has already happened, yes you can look back and learn lessons….but not be disappointed in yourself…you’re too much of a wonderful person to look down at yourself….you are perfect as yourself :)
Thanks ASLO! :) The problem is I don’t see myself, I only see people. Time to pay attention to myself also :)
The word is self-image…..
If you say that word to a child they’d easily identify it as something that is formed by “yourself” but why is it that so many years later, it is no longer a SELF-image, rather the image of what the society perceives us to be…what others say we are, we perceive it to be our self-image……what we feel of
ourselves after our failures (which I’d now like to call our postponed successes) is what we perceive as our self-image….But all that isn’t what we are…we can’t perceive ourselves from failed chances or from the point of view of others……I hope rather know that at the end of today’s tasks I shall have formed the right self-image for myself.
1. Identify at least one negative self belief/thought:
– I feel that if anything negative happens to me in my life it’s is because I do not deserve anything good or that I am not worthy enough.
– I feel that I have not achieved anything till now in my life.
– I feel that anything I set out to do, that is out of my comfort zone, I shall make a mistake while at it.
2. When did this negative belief/thought start?
– When I suffered from a series of negative setbacks, I felt that it happened because I wasn’t worthy of anything good. I found solace in accepting that I didn’t deserve anything better.
– Looking back at my potential and yet seeing that I didn’t set out for a job because I remained back as a housewife, I felt that I achieved nothing in my life.
– With criticism and anger from others whenever I failed at something I tried new, it led to the belief that I shall not succeed at anything new I try.
3. Challenge this negative thought:
– If I accept a negative thought as my way of life, it shall envelope me and never set me free! I shall be dragged behind by this thought simply because I chose it when it was the easiest option to take, the easiest way to take the blame.
– Having a good job isn’t achieving everything. I have build a wonderful family, raised my kids well and have achieved my bits and pieces on this journey of personal excellence. I shall work harder on all those fronts and to not leave anything to regrets, I shall work towards a job too!
– Postponed successes shall only lead to success…I shall not let anyone’s criticism come in my way of trying new things.
4 Create new beliefs:
– I am worthy of so much more, worthy of everything beautiful, happy and positive!
– I have achieved so much and nothing can take that away from me and so much is in my way yet and I shall achieve that too!
– Everyone starts a beginner, it’s up to me to get myself to pro!
I AM PERFECT AS MYSELF
I love this “our failures (which I’d now like to call our postponed successes)”! Thanks a lot.
Don’t feel bad for being a housewife. I think that is a job. The only difference you don’t get paid. And it’s the hardest job because you do everything and you are everything (a teacher, an accountant, a plumber, a gardener, a chef…) I can’t do all that so I run away from it doing one or two of your titles. When I realized how hard it was I started saying “thanks” to my mom, she would ask “what for?” and I said “nothing” or “everything.”
Thank you ASLO for being a housewife!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much! I believe it’s the hardest job, but so often with no recognition…sometimes no recognition from our part too! so we often take away the self-recognition for being on job 24/7!
I really appreciate your comment here :) makes me feel so motivated and full of positive energy :) thank you to your mother too :) and to you too! for appreciating her :)
Being a housewife is not easy! Ken and I share housework, but having to do housework now (whereas before it’s our parents doing for us since we lived with them before marriage) from cooking to cleaning up to washing laundry to grocery shopping to buying household items, can take quite a bit of time if we don’t time manage properly!
Hi ASLO,
I totally agree with this! It takes 10,000 hours to develop talent, so if we’re not at the (skill) level we desire to be, it’s simply a matter of putting in the hours to develop the skill! This is how I did it with blogging/writing/coaching/etc., and this is what I plan to do with my video creation too.
And putting in those hours has endowed you with the skill of blogging/writing/coaching so well! And we hope putting our 10,000 hours worth there shall get to where we see ourselves to be :)
Best of luck with your video creation! We are sure to be audience to your wonderful work again with the videos you put forward in the future
Thanks so much for your support ASLO! :D And feel free to drop a comment to share your thoughts / say hello every once in a while if the video/article resonates with you; I think usually the only time I “hear” from you is during the challenges, and sometimes in between the challenges I’d wonder if you’re still hanging around PE!
“I should do this, but I hesitate, scaring myself with ideas of what others might think and that this judgement will terminate my chances”. I find that quite often I miss out opportunities because of my hesitation to act. I might need to write and email to somebody or go and visit some institutions, and I always have this weird monologue in my head. Such as, what will I say, how can I make sense of myself, why would that person even bother to give me time, to hear me out, why would they give me this training, internship, job etc…
This thinking slows me down, drain my motivation and postpones or cancels my actions. So often I have missed an important information or deadlines, because I didn’t act right away regardless to what someone would think. Sometimes I want something so much that I am afraid to spoil the first impression. I faced this last summer while searching for internship. As my french wasn’t good enough yet, I hesitated whole summer just trying to prepare myself, waiting for a right moment, … which never arrived.
I don’t know what it is about me. Is it shyness, low self esteem… I guess not, because when I am in front of interviewer or group I am quite confident and all the fear vanishes. It’s just that I can’t overcome myself before making a step. I am not persistent enough, not brave enough – when it comes to putting myself in situation to be judged. It’s like I instantly forget everything I am and all I know. I give too much importance on that one event. I guess it’s lack of experience in dealing with such situations. I believe the more I would go through them, the less I stressed about them.
If I look deeper to the situation, I loose confidence, because I feel in order to get that scholarship, training, internship, job etc I must be someone else. I must lie about who I am and what my motivations are. It’s like I need to play games and I am not good at this. The profiles companies look for rarely matches with what I have to offer. And having that on mind, make me already loose in spirit before I even enter the interview.
On the other hand, while dealing with administrative things, I can go and speak with people without any hesitation or obstacle even in critical situation or difficult officers to deal with. Knowing my rights gives me fuel, gives me confidence. When I know that the outcome is achievable, I can go and perform my best.
It all started in primary school. When teachers didn’t send me for different contests, projects, presentations, because they thought of me as not having enough confidence, attraction, pro-active attitude. Which was 100 % truth – I didn’t have, but they didn’t challenge me to discover or develop it. During my school years I just sit back for many things that I wanted to do. I believed that I am not good enough for this. My personality isn’t bright enough. This almost didn’t cause any problem in my life until I needed to start gain living. I always struggle of getting this or that opportunity, qualifying for x or y, even when criteria is not high.
The truth is there are seeds of greatness in everyone. Even me :) And maybe the problem wasn’t not showing up, but wishing to show up for wrong things? Now, when I apply for university, for the program I love, I don’t have any problem writing that letter or doing anything that is necessary to bring me closer to that goal. This is exactly what is good for me and what I am good for. It brings out the best in me. Whether I succeed or not this experience will reinforce my confidence on putting myself out there for what I really want and each time it will become easier and more natural.
“I’m perfect as myself.”
Someone from my Toastmasters gave a great speech that left me high on happiness for days. He said whenever you ask yourself “why” then say “WHY NOT?”
So “WHY NOT” show up, prepare yourself, write, email, stop thinking that you need to be someone else?
Don’t waste Santas Inspirations trying to be someone else. Be Santas Inspirations.
That’s very encouraging ;) Thanks a lot!!! I love it.
You’re welcome :)
Oh I LOVE that image!! Did you write that yourself, Santas? That looks beautiful!
I have to say no again, it’s from google searches. I will need to take Educate Yourself words seriously and do my own things :)
PS. It’s easy to find the real source of any picture on web if you use Chrome. Just right click on the pic and press on “search google for this image” and it will show all the websites that are using it and best guess for the key words. This is how you can also see how many people use PE wallpapers etc.
Hi Santas, thanks for the tip! I usually use tineye.com for this purpose, but this is so much faster.
PS: Whether the image is by you or not, it’s still beautiful and so adept for Day 14’s task! :)
I can totally relate to what you wrote here. I, too, have my moments of extreme confidence and then moments of feeling almost afraid to make a move, to take action. I overthink a lot and keep asking myself disempowering questions (a habit I’m currently working on changing, but boy, is it hard!). However, I think that the first step to achieving more in life is to acknowledge that you can achieve more, and I like to believe that all PE readers have already realized their power and resourcefulness, otherwise they wouldn’t be here. :)
1. Identify at least one negative self belief/thought:
I will go with a major one I have been having for quite a long time. It is a tendency to hold back what I really think in conversations, for fear of offending or stirring up uncomfortable moments/topics, especially amongst close relationships. I think this might be my greatest fear – I fear this rather than public speaking which is the #1 fear for most people!
2. When did this negative belief/thought start?
I remember one incident when I was a kid watching Dragonball Z on television. For some reason or another, I suddenly became very concious of the loud noise of the programme and suddenly became very aware/afraid of disturbing my parents with it, so I turned down the volume. That probably led to a tendency to suppress my true self for fear of conflict and disturbing others.
I can’t trace any earlier incidents that could have caused this.
3. Challenge this negative self belief/thought.
Just because the TV noise was loud doesn’t mean that it is very serious issue. Even if it disturbed my parents, it would have at most resulted in a few seconds of discomfort.
Also, saying what I think doesn’t necessarily mean that bad things will happen. Awkard moments and conflict are natural parts of life especially between people with very incompatible differences. Trying to smooth it with small talk etc is a superficial solution and it is better to be honest about the truth.
Also, conflict can actually be a good thing especially when it challenges what people think or normally do. It enables them to come into a closer alignment with truth by shedding incorrect falsehoods.
Also, I will not be hurt or looked down upon or anything if I say something that conflicts with what others think. In fact in the long run it is the people who are honest and direct and willing to say the truth that have the most respect.
Most importantly, to say outright (with appropriate tact!) your truth is to be yourself. The courage to be yourself grants an inner peace that nothing can give.
4. Create new positive belief(s).
I have the courage to be my true self.
5. Say your new belief(s), along with today’s affirmation:
“I’m perfect as myself.”
http://samuelimyongen.wordpress.com/2014/07/23/affirmation-challenge-day-14/
I have the same problem but I do it with strangers. Challenge yourself and do something you wouldn’t normally do. It will feel odd but keep doing it. Your voice matters.
A limiting belief in this area is ” I’ll never achieve anything great.” I have big ambitions and dreams, but as I’ve said in other posts during this challenge, I get discouraged pretty fast if things don’t work in a short period of time. So I start to feel down and to tell myself that it’s pointless, that I can’t do it, that I’ll surely get in trouble, and so on.
Honestly, I have no idea where this belief stemmed from. I’ve always done well in school and my parents have always been encouraging and caring. Maybe it’s just that I lose my patience and hope so fast when beginning to work on a new project.
Challenging the belief: it’s not true that I can’t achieve something worthy and important. Most of the experiences to back this up come from school (prizes and diplomas for various achievements).
My new belief to replace the other one: I am a resourceful person who can achieve amazing things.
“I’m perfect as myself.”
Hmm… Maybe it’s because you haven’t defined yet what that “great” looks and feels like for you ;)
Well, for example, I’ve wanted for a long time to start a blog about living healthy and inspired, and to build a community of like-minded people around it, but I keep discouraging myself even before beginning, telling myself “What if it doesn’t work? What if you invest money in the site and it just goes to waste? What if others will think your articles and opinions are sh*t? There are so many other sites like this out there, why would be yours any special? I have no idea how web-hosting and internet marketing work” and on and on. At the moment I have a whole plan for such a website, with ideas for topics, tabs, newsletters, I even designed a logo for it, :lol:. But I’m just afraid that it won’t work.
What I would do in this situation is this: I would make it for “myself”. As a hobby. I would make that blog and write whatever my heart wants to and that correspond to that blog vision. This way I would make it carefree, fun and original on it’s own terms. This would let you be freely YOU without compromising all your creative ideas to what public responds to.
Sure, the blog would be public, so everybody could reach it. Tabs or keywords would bring right people to it with time. This is not a strategy for fast success or anything like that. This is a strategy for you to become comfortable about what you create and share and eventually this can become something huge :)
I used to have a gallery on my facebook where I uploaded all design related materials that I adored. This practice came from my university, where we were told each week to bring sketches on this or that elements. The gallery become too big, and of course not all of my friends were happy seeing me publish nothing but design solutions. So I decided to make a separated page. I created my own “inspiration collection”. Now there is something similar for everybody on pinterest. But this was just for me.
When I started to discover more and more exciting things about art, such as Golden Ratio, Sacred geometry etc.. I made my page public. I though this is something that has been kept secret and everybody who wants to be more creative in their life or art practice should know about them. The page has been my biggest hobby and motivator to keep learning. It’s like my personal journey of artistic discoveries. Now when I have been into this for a while, I feel comfortable to make another page where I will share my own creations.
This actually motivates me to start creating. Because inspiration has been within me all along, but other that 10 pieces of artwork for my university portfolio I have’t created this year.
So why not you? Why not a blog? With all means – go for it! ;)
Thank you for your encouraging words, Santas! :) You’re right about doinf it for myself — that would, indeed, take the pressure off.
I used to feel the same way as you here, “I get discouraged pretty fast if things don’t work in a short period of
time. So I start to feel down and to tell myself that it’s pointless,
that I can’t do it, that I’ll surely get in trouble, and so on.”
Then I read somewhere that you shouldn’t expect much of it even if you work a long period of time. “Or don’t even bother” starting.
“I don’t do enough. I’m so lazy!”
I seem to have a belief that if you don’t struggle to do it, it doesn’t count as hard work. I think that goes back to seeing my parents work hard and struggle as I was growing up.
The belief that I am lazy and don’t do enough is also linked to the energy problems that I wrote about earlier in the challenge. I can’t remember if I posted about that or if that was something I processed offline. One of the things I wrote was that I compare myself now to what I used to do twenty years ago, and that’s not fair to me because I’m 20 years older. I don’t think about it as “Twenty years ago, I’d do all of this stuff…” I think of it as “When I worked at X Agency, I used to…” and it’s only when I think about it that I realize that it was so long ago.
So I’m not as young as I once was. And I don’t have to do as much as I once thought I did. And when I try to push myself to do more, it doesn’t help.
Calling myself names doesn’t help either.
My helpful helper Wes says that he thinks I have lots of energy because I’m always doing things, that I do more than anyone he knows.
MrB never complains that I am not doing enough.
It is just me that thinks it.
Why do I keep thinking it?
Because I compare myself to my past self. Because I underestimate how much time and energy things will take.
When I stop pushing myself to do more, I feel more contented, less stressed, more relaxed, more healthy.
I feel more of the things that I think I will become (contented, relaxed, healthy, less stressed) by doing more. Oh.
I don’t need to do more. I am perfect as myself. Just as I am.
You said, “I seem to have a belief that if you don’t struggle to do it, it doesn’t
count as hard work. I think that goes back to seeing my parents work
hard and struggle as I was growing up.”
What if you do struggle in vain? Will it still count for you? For me it didn’t.
Struggling in vain counts as working hard and means that I am not lazy.
What do you mean that struggling in vain didn’t count for you? Do you mean that you still considered yourself lazy or did this result in some other negative belief about yourself?
Oh I am lazy because I wait last minute to do things.
What I meant was if I struggled and it didn’t work I don’t feel like i did something, I have no results not even a tiny one. So it’s in vain for me.
Vicki, I love that you cross-check with MrB’s and Wes’s perspectives to check the validity of your beliefs. And in this case it seems like your belief about being lazy is very much isolated to you (though that’s pretty obvious because you don’t strike me as lazy AT ALL in this challenge; in fact you’re very much the hard worker, based on your attitude in the challenge and the things you’ve shared about yourself / your life from the daily results!!!!!), because they never think that you’re not doing enough!
We’re always the harshest critics of ourselves. Part of this is because we know our potential and we know who/what we can be, so when we see that we’re not reaching there yet, we naturally criticize ourselves. I’d like to think about this as us wanting nothing but the best for us.
But the problem is that such self-critiquing behavior doesn’t really inspire anyone to get anywhere, in the long term. Self-sabotage and procrastinating behaviors are typically common for self-critical people (not saying you, but in general for all of us). If anyone remembers, I talked about the importance of praising over shaming my article on shaming last year. While this article talks about our behavior towards others, the principle applies to our behaviors to OURSELVES too. Just like how praising motivates people more than shaming can ever do, appreciating ourselves, recognizing our merits, and praising ourselves can do wonders for our souls and inspiration. Something to consider the next time we have something to crib at with ourselves.
I think you’re perfect as yourself too Vicki, and I loveeeeeee all the sharing you’ve been doing in this challenge. Like I told you in another day’s post, I love how you break down and analyze yourself / your life situations, and then come up with solutions for them. I also love how you’re always doing the tasks, and sharing your results, rain or shine. You (among the other participants) inspire me to continue writing the tasks every day. I would have still written the tasks and continued the challenge of course even if no one participated (like I mentioned early in the challenge), but having all of you here truly warms my heart.
I also think it’s very remarkable how you picked up Spanish so quickly after a long break of not using the language, and have been teaching it for 17 years ever since (and have been making a living off it)!!! I feel that’s remarkable. And how you’ve been taking care of MrB, through his sickness and all? Wow, just wow — from a newly-minted wife to another wife, how you care for MrB in an unconditional way is is exactly how I intend to be there for Ken no matter what happens to him, regardless of our ages. Power to you Vicki!
Thank you, Celes. I told my counselor about the affirmation challenge and about PE and she was going to check it out. She likes hearing the results of my processing for the challenge.
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