This is Day 8 of the 15-Day Affirmation Challenge held in July 2014, where we practice positive affirmations for 15 days. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.
Dear everyone, welcome to Day 8 of our 15-Day Affirmation Challenge! :D
Here is the overview of all the posts for the challenge so far:
- Affirmation Challenge announcement and signup details: 15-Day Affirmation Challenge | Over 450 Participants!
- Affirmation Challenge Day 1 [New Beginning] | 73 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 2 [Self-Love] | 77 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 3 [Ability] | 80 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 4 [Setbacks] | 52 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 5 [Gratitude] | 53 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 6 [Self-Worth] | 60 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Day 7 [Opportunities] | 67 Comments
- Affirmation Challenge Week 1 Review | 20 Comments
Week 1 vs. Week 2 Affirmations
Now that we’ve completed Week 1’s affirmations, I’m excited to start on Week 2 with all of you! :D
For those of you who have taken Live a Better Life in 30 Days, you may recall that Day 1 of the program is on assessing yourself via the life wheel. The life wheel is a tool used in life coaching to help coachees discover how they are doing in their core life areas. While the traditional life wheel has anywhere from five to eight areas, I use a custom life wheel that I created, with 10 areas that represent the key areas of our life:
For more on life wheel, read my Life Wheel article and Day 1: The Life Wheel of Live a Better Life in 30 Days
Now, going into Week 2 of the challenge, I’ll be posting affirmations that tackle different areas of the life wheel, from career, to love, to relationships, to health, to finance, to physical looks (part of self-image). The reason I didn’t cover these Week 1 is deliberate — it’s more important that we address limiting beliefs about ourselves (e.g. self-imposed limitations, self-love, self-perceived ability, self-perceived barriers, and self-worth) and the world (e.g. feeling that the world is unfair, and self-perceived lack of opportunities) first, before branching out to the life areas.
After all, our self-thinking provides the foundation to our life’s success, and if your default self-thinking is negative, you’ll naturally see negative results in all life areas, irrespective of your affirmations in each area! For example, a career affirmation like “I’m very successful in my career” fails by default when your worldview is one where opportunities are scarce and you are not worthy of success. Likewise, as a romance affirmation like “I’m attracting my ideal partner” fails if your default thinking is one where you think you don’t deserve love!
However, the above doesn’t apply as we’ve already worked through our self-limiting beliefs in Week 1 (or at least, the key ones). Now, it’s time to tackle the limiting beliefs in our individual life areas and to practice our highest affirmations for them.
Are you ready? Well, I sure am! Now, let’s get started! :D Today’s affirmation is on…
Day 8: [Physical Looks]
![Affirmation Wallpaper, [Physical Looks]: “I’m beautiful, just the way I am.”](jpg/affirmation-physical-looks.jpg)
Today’s affirmation: “I’m beautiful, just the way I am.”
Last week on Day 2, we practiced the affirmation, “I love myself unconditionally.” Many of you bravely shared your deepest self-hating (and in some cases self-disliking or non-self-loving) thoughts, most of which centered around physical looks:
My fats are ugly.
I feel like I cannot be happy in life until I lose weight.
I hate my butt, my feet and my oily pimpled face.
I hate the “eyes balls” of my feet.
I want a supermodel body… like so many other girls out there.
I’m short. Nobody likes a chump.
I love myself doubtfully… (Celes: Awww man! :/)
I hate my body type and the fact that even when I weighed 110 pounds, I had no neck.
On any given day, I’m constantly hearing a voice inside my head saying something like, “I hate my arms/stomach/butt/thighs! I am so fat.”
Does any of these ring true for you? Well, if they do, it’s not a surprise at all, because the media has always been great at projecting a fixed, narrow beauty ideal. While this ideal varies across countries, there are always commonalities. For females, this image tends to be a stick-thin, waify figure; big, deep-set eyes; smooth, dewy skin; and long, luxurious hair; for males, the image tends to be a tall frame; a strong and muscular build; six-pack abs; tanned skin (until Twilight series came along); large shoulders; a strong jawline; and muscular arms.
Personally, I’ve gone through the whole self-body-loathing and self-beauty-inferior phases, which I’ve shared openly in The Beauty of Self – Why I Used To Feel Inferior about My Looks and Why I No Longer Feel That Way and How I Began To Love My Body (series). (If you haven’t, you may want to read these articles first to better understand what I’m about to share next.) I’ve gone through the whole, “I hate my body and it sucks,” “I want to be thinner so I can be more beautiful,” and “I wish I had [X] feature (or I wish I don’t have [Y] feature) because I would look so much more beautiful if I did.”
The truth is that no matter how you, male or female, look right now — be it tall or short, fat or skinny, muscular or flabby, dark or fair, wrinkled or not — you ARE beautiful, as yourself.
Lest you think that I’m referring to the usual “Your inner beauty is more important than your outer beauty” and “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” shtick… I’m actually not. At least, not here.
Sure, your inner beauty is indeed more important than your outer because our personality is always going to shine more brightly than looks over time. Sure, your physical body, however it looks right now, will not last over time since physical looks are never permanent.
However, what I want to tell you here is that whoever you are, however you look right now — be it tall, fat, short, skinny, round, wrinkly, pimply, slitty-eyed, flabby, double-chinned, triple-chinned, dark, fair, or WHATEVER — you are beautiful, just the way you are. Like, exterior-beauty beautiful. Not more or less beautiful than another person. Not more or less beautiful than the supposedly godly-looking magazine models, fashion idols, and “supermodels.” Not more or less beautiful than your ideal beauty image, whatever it is. You are simply as beautiful as all of them. Not more or less.
Why? That’s because beauty comes in all forms, shapes, heights, colors, features, and sizes. Because beauty is the result of being a creation in this world, and that includes all of us right here, doing this challenge together right now. Because beauty is everywhere, and it is you as it is me. And the very reason why you can’t (or rather, couldn’t) see this before, is because you’ve been blocked by your staunch vision of what beauty should be — likely an ideal that was inculcated in you by the media, the society, or your family/friends since you were young. And you should no sooner let go of this beauty “ideal,” because frankly speaking it is a pile of cr*p.
Today, your task is to recognize the beauty that has always been in you, and to let go of all inner barriers that have been preventing you from seeing it.
Your Task Today
- Rate yourself in your physical looks on a scale of 1 to 10. What score do you give yourself?
- Is this score 10/10? Why not? For example, say you gave yourself a 2/10.Your reasons can be
- I don’t like my nose it has such a low nose bridge. I wish I had a higher nose bridge and sharper nose; it would make me look slimmer and more beautiful. (Celes: This is actually a common beauty belief in Asia among females.)
- I hate my flabby shoulders and double chin. They make me look fatter than I already am.
- I hate my fat thunder thighs. I want a thigh gap!
- I hate my current body weight. I’m not overweight but I’m heavier than my ideal weight by 15 lbs. I wish I can be thinner. I feel that I can only love my body when I’m at my ideal weight.
- Grab a handheld mirror now. Get a large one where you can see your entire face (including the top of your head, your ears, and your chin), as opposed to one where you can only see your eyes, nose and mouth.
Don’t have a large handheld mirror? No worries — bring your laptop to the largest mirror in your house before moving on to the next step. Alternatively you can load this post in your mobile and do this task as you stand before your mirror.
- Examine your reflection. Now, look at your reflection in the mirror. You see him/her every day, but have you ever spent time to properly look at him/her? I’d like you to examine every part of yourself in the mirror now. From your eyes, to your nose, to your ears, to your mouth, to your cheeks, to your hair, to your complexion, to your chin, to your neck (whether it’s visible or not), I want you to look at every one of your features and see it as it is. Take as long as you need to study each feature, to your own satisfaction.
- Recognize your beauty. Now, still looking into the mirror, I’d like you to keep looking at yourself until you recognize your true beauty. Don’t ask me how. Just keep looking at yourself. You’ll know when you do. It may take a minute, an hour, or a year, but you’ll see it soon enough, once you really start looking at the YOU that’s inside of the mirror (as opposed to your layered expectations of how he/she should look like). Do you see him/her? Do you see that hercules/goddess that has always been in you? He/she is waiting for you to recognize him/her. Are you ready to start seeing him/her and acknowledging his/her presence?
(Warning: It’s 100% normal to cry during this step, and in fact, the more you cry, the better. The tears reflect the release of repressed beliefs you’ve been living with about your physical looks, and the emergence of your real, nonjudgmental self about your looks.)
- Say today’s affirmation . Once you recognize your beauty, and once you recognize that you are beautiful as yourself (not more or less than anyone else, and certainly not less than any supermodel), you’re ready for today’s affirmation:
“I’m beautiful, just the way I am.”
(If you think it’s silly to say this out loud, you can say it silently in your heart.)
Note: Whether you are male or female, I’m using “beautiful” broadly to encompass male and female beauty. So for the males reading this, know that beautiful encompasses being handsome. If you prefer, you can exchange “beautiful” with “handsome,” though that’s not necessary.
I encourage you to write down today’s affirmation so that you can always see it and commit it to your heart. Repeat it every day to yourself, for as many times and as long as needed, until it becomes part of your default thinking.
Tidbit: The mirror exercise above is a very simplified version what I did in my Camera Confidence Workshop with Dove, where I worked with participants to break through their camera and beauty anxieties. While instructing via a website can never be the same as teaching and coaching via an all-day immersive and in-person workshop, I hope that today’s task will point you in the right direction and get you to start recognizing the beauty that has always been in you.
And here’s a special video for you :)
Affirmation Wallpaper: [Physical Looks]
Today’s affirmation wallpaper, for download:
Download (right click and save): [1366×768] [1600×900] [1920×1080]
Further Reading
- How I Began To Love My Body (series)
- The Beauty of Self – How I Used To Feel Inferior about My Looks and Why I No Longer Feel That Way
- How I Found My Place as a Female in Today’s World (series)
Share Your Results!
Share your results, check out other participants’ responses, and interact with each other in the comments section! Remember, this challenge is a community effort: by openly engaging in the discussion, not only will you help others, you’ll also help yourself.
If you think today’s affirmation has benefited you, do share it with your friends and family.
Once you’re done, proceed to Day 9 here: Affirmation Challenge, Day 9 [Relationships]
(Images: Flower, Girl in field)
![Is It Too Late to Pursue My Dreams? [Video]](jpg/video-is-it-too-late-400x267.jpg)
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This one is easy. I quite like what I see in the mirror :) And this belief is occasionally reinforced by a certain someone affirming it ;) I do have things I could complain about, like really dry frizzy wild hair (I like to say “it’s as uncontrollable as myself” lol!), a slightly large’ish nose, rounded front teeth and recently, eczema on my hands, but that’s just small things. Overall I look like a pretty average human. No need for any modifications. Well, I have dyed hair but that takes a very small amount of time to do. And if I have the option, why the heck not? If the option wasn’t there, I’m sure I’d learn to live with boring straw blonde hair.
I won’t go into rating, as I don’t think you can really quantify beauty :)
“It may take a minute, an hour, or a year”
*gets funny mental images of a skeleton staring at a mirror* :lol:
“I’m using “beautiful” broadly to encompass male and female beauty”
I sometimes call males ‘beautiful’. Cuz why not? ;)
Long break. Hopefully I’ll catch up soon.
When I was a kid I used to have a big problem with my looks. There were a few bullies in my class who, I figure now, were probably jealous of me. They started cornering me and bullying me about my looks. That made me feel then that I was ugly.
However, from past many years, since I’ve been doing many stage performances, I’ve had many people compliment me about my looks and that has boosted my confidence. I would probably rate myself as 8/10. The reason it’s not 10 is because my idea of my handsomeness has been based on what others have thought about my looks. When bullies teased me as a kid, I felt ugly. When people are praising me these days, I feel good-looking. This way of seeking external validation is obviously not ideal.
I’m beautiful just the way I am! Irrespective of what others think. I’m unique and there’s no other perfect me :)
Hey Vinay! Great that you recognize that external validation isn’t the way to go to feel handsome, and know that you are handsome as yourself, as in 10/10 handsome, irrespective of whether people praise you or not. (Interestingly, when we embrace this mindset, it’s when people around us will take notice and see our beauty, and not the other way round!)
Completely agree with that Celes. I’ve found that to be true with myself. When I felt ugly as a teenager, I hardly had other people notice me. But since I’ve been more sure of myself, I see the difference :)
I am beautiful just the way I am.
I was pleased/surprised to find this task quite easy. I give myself ten out of ten for looks. This is a big change for me as I considered myself ugly for many years.
What’s changed? I have got in control of my diet and let go of some excess weight so that I am at the right weight for me, I have done a lot of work on self love and personal development over the past 5 years.
I feel so much better about and accepting of my appearance these days.
I still feel uncomfortable and tense up in front of a camera though. I can work on that!
Hanna
As far as my physical looks are concerned, I rate/score myself 6/10. In fact I am not as awful as that but I have changed greatly over the years: I have put on weight. I don’t like my current weight very much. I am heavier than my ideal weight by 20 kg. I wish I can be thinner. My belly is not as flat as I would have liked it to be. I am going bald; I have become rounder with a double chin. Anyway I need to lose weight by practising some sport.
After close examination though, I say to myself: “ Hey! Foli, you are not a bad-looking guy. You are a handsome guy, and still going like Johnny Walker. How come you have never realized and recognized that in you before. Start seeing yourself as precious and handsome, acknowledging your glorious presence and feeling proud everywhere you go.”
This challenge was really intimate for me, because I’m a person who’s really self-conscious about her looks. I think I’m ugly because I don’t really get myself all dressed up or even use make-up and honestly I don’t even use razors for my . I barely even brush my teeth. I only do so in the mornings or before I leave home. I’m also shy and lately my mom banned me from cutting my hair (and people only say I’m pretty when I have it short so I feel ugly even if my hair is super straight and my eyes are a clear greenish blue).
I rate myself a 4 because of my lack of getting myself dolled up. The reason I don’t wear make-up is because it’s not me. I am always true to my heart and I believe in natural beauty. On a positive note I have been complimented some times because some people like how I look beautiful even when I wear absolutely no make-up for my daily life and how confident I am even without make-up. I’d go as far as to say that make-up makes me feel less confident because I feel fake. It’s not me. I want people to say you’re beautiful’ to ME. Not my make-up. :/ I only use it on special occasions. VERY rare special ocassions.
When I looked at myself at a full body mirror I held my tears back because I looked at all the details in my body, especially my hair and my broad shoulders and my small breasts and butt and it made me cry. I looked at my square body, at my ugly teeth. I felt so ugly. I looked at what I’ve always known about me. That I’m ugly I see the ugly lil witch that was bullied during her school life because of her long unbrushed hair. I just want to cut it all off and feel beautiful again like when men used to compliment me only when I have short hair.
I was going to go out right after to a fair so I got dressed and as usual no make-up. I continued my mirror staring to find my beauty, which I know that I have, even if I deny it. I sort of smiled when I saw myself wearing the rocker looking clothes I love, it’s my tomboyish style, I smiled when I saw how beautiful I looked even with no make-up on.
I should be grateful. So many woman in this world for their own reasons which I won’t judge only feel beautiful with make-up but me, I can feel complete and only complete without make-up. My only #1 hate of myself is how my parents are forcing me to let my hair grow out. The other days in class my classmates said çut your hair Fufu. You’ll look great like that.’and I was so disappointing. People only like my short hair. I have such a soft straight hair I’d like to show off longer but people treat me like a witch.
I’ve realized thanks to today that I should seriously deal with my issues with my hair. What others say does not define my beauty and as long as I love my hair nothing else should matter. I should remember that I’m beautiful, I’m proud of myself for always dressing up as me and not as fashion asks me. I’m happy to be naturally beautiful and I’m so glad for today’s tasks. It touched me right at my heart. Thank you :)
*I barely use razors for my eyebrows
Fufu, I am like you, except I have short hair ^__^
I don’t shave either. I love those little hairs. I love seeing the chicken hair raise when I am cold. I shaved them one time because i saw my sister shave them and a lot more grew. I shave and nothing grew! I think i had more than when I shaved :( Bold body :( lol
Just be yourself. Don’t look for others ‘ praises or you will sad for life. people’s taste change. Love yourself, same advice to myself (^__^)
Sorry about your bullies, i had them too. I use to go home with a different road than the day before just to miss him and his minions. He hated my guts but we became friends later on. Unlike other bullying stories that ended well i can’t say I kick his ass (finally). He beat me up so many times in past instead :) I know violence is not the way but I love hearing about happy ending bullying stories. I forgive my bullies. But i smile at others happy endings.
By the way, I should have included this in yesterday’s post, but this idea only came to me today. Here’s a special video, from me to all of you, as a follow-up for Day 8’s task :) (have included it in the post too):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjhCEhWiKXk
“When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while~” Such a great song. =)
Hi everyone. Sorry I didnt reply to this sooner…the last couple of days have been busy and by the time I got the end of the day I was too tired.
Anyway, this task was a bit weird!! Only because it is something that we don’t do very often and not encouraged to either. I rated myself a 7/10. I have a lot of skin markings on my face that I have grown to know and love ever since I was a child…so they don’t worry me any more. Growing up I used to hate the moles and freckles that I have because most of my friends didn’t have any or had less obvious markings and kids can be so cruel. Over the years I have had a few removed because they have become troublesome, but most of them still remain. I have learnt to live with them. Sometimes I think about having them removed and wonder how it might feel to be marking free. Then I remember that it won’t change who I am on the inside.
Rate yourself in your physical looks on a scale of 1 to 10: 7/10
Is this score 10/10? Why not?
Lots of imperfections from the hair line to the waist line. :P
“I’m beautiful, just the way I am.”
– I will take control of watching my health, the quality and amount of food I eat, and exercises I do. What’s in me is part of who I am, and I embrace it. :)
This is a good one because a lot of us don’t like our looks and wish we looked like someone else. I think also in some societies (e.g. in the UK) it’s seen as more “acceptable” to talk about what you don’t like about yourself compared to what you do and if someone goes round saying that they’re so beautiful we can think of them as “conceited”. I don’t mean that I think the message of the post is about being conceited (I don’t think that at all) but that sometimes because we’re not used to people praising their looks we can be surprised if they do. But there is nothing wrong with being happy with your looks and being proud of yourself. :)
So I’ve grown up being more comfortable with not thinking I’m beautiful than I would be thinking I am. I want to be happy with myself and my looks but I think I also have a belief that if I were to think I was beautiful that would make me conceited.
I’ve never really thought I was good looking, I don’t have a problem seeing beauty in other people but I have a harder time seeing it in myself. I will have a go at repeating this affirmation. :)
Moonsparkle, I just replied to ASLO with similar thoughts — we’re raised so that it’s more acceptable to be negative about yourself/your looks. I live in the US and see it here as well, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was fairly global!
I also have an easier time seeing beauty in others…I think it’s because, deep down, I still hold other people and their thoughts/opinions as more important than mine, and so in the process of putting myself down, I also am harsher on my appearance.
I hope you quickly discover (if you haven’t already) that you’re beautiful too! =)
Hi Calae, I just read your reply to ASLO. That’s what it is like, we say, “Oh, I don’t like how I look in the photo, my hair looks horrible or my face looks weird!” And I agree with what you said about wanting to fit in, if everyone else is pointing out their flaws then you (anybody who wants to fit in) will think that you should do the same, otherwise it could seem like you think you’re better than your friends and also you don’t want to behave differently to them. It’s a shame because it’s actually a good thing if you like how you look in a picture (and in general)! I expect it is quite common in countries throughout the world. (The attitude of putting yourself down).
I think it’s the same for me, I believe that I’m worth less than other people, I’m not as good as them, which is something I’ve been trying to work on.
Thank you, I hope you’ve discovered that you’re beautiful too! :)
My post today was pretty short, so I’m gonna share most of it here:
At first I didn’t think I was going to have any problems with this
one. “I’m pretty okay with myself.” I thought. “Even if I dislike a
certain aspect of myself, it’s rarely ever permanent. I’ll go back to
being okay with it all soon.”
The first step of today is to rate our looks. “A seven.” I thought
automatically. “Well, maybe a six.” I thought about the times I look
“eh” and the times I look “wow!” and I figured I was probably on the six
side of things more often.
But why?
I picked up a mirror; the second part was to look at ourselves. I
didn’t think I looked great. My face seemed too round and my features
seemed too narrow. My lips were full but didn’t have a nice shape. My
nose was huge from the side, and too narrow from the front. My eyes
seemed bland if I took off the thick black frame of my glasses. My hair
was shiny, but it flared away from my head only near my cheeks,
accentuating their roundness. I looked plain. Not attractive.
I couldn’t believe how much was wrong with me.
I kept looking, though. I wanted to see my true beauty, my real beauty, myself. I kept staring and staring.
I gave up for a bit and took a break. I picked up the mirror, and put it down. I didn’t see it. I didn’t feel beautiful.
Desperately, I got up to look in my full-length mirror. It seemed
different, seeing my whole self rather than just my face. My features
were still the same, but something changed what I saw. I smiled. I could
see it, my inner goddess. I wondered if I could see her from now on.
I hope so; it was a much nicer way to see myself than before.
Here’s the link to my blog post: http://hackmyheart.com/affirmation-challenge-day-8/
Wow, that’s a really powerful sharing today, Calae! I’m super glad that you persisted and saw your inner goddess, because that would have been exactly what I would have invited you to do! Depending on the amount and depth of societal conditioning we’ve received regarding beauty / physical looks, it takes different people a different amount of time to see that inner goddess / Hercules in the mirror. The important thing is persisting and really looking at “us” as “us” vs. trying to spot the “issue areas,” being busy critiquing, and so on.
You know, the beauty of this exercise is that, once it’s done, there’s no turning back. You saw her yesterday; that’s the start of more to come. Perhaps you can’t see her tomorrow. Or the day after. Or the week after. But the more you look into the mirror and look for her, the more often you’re going to see her. Soon, the inner goddess in you is the first and only person you’re going to see the next time you look into the mirror — no more clouding of your vision by all the false societal conditioning and media conditioning about beauty anymore that prevents you from really seeing her as her. :)
When in doubt, simply repeat today’s exercise. You’ll see her right there again in the mirror, patiently waiting for you to recognize her. :)
Thank you for your encouragement, Celes! I think it will take a while for me to see her exclusively when I look in the mirror. The beauty I see in myself seems to fluctuate, currently — possibly by my mood? Maybe it’s the different light? Maybe it’s when I see someone who I perceive as beautiful?
I mentioned it elsewhere I believe, but I tend to be my harshest critic when I see myself in pictures. I feel like I’m never photogenic, that I look much better in real life. I get sad because I feel like I have to work hard to pose in pictures so I don’t look as bad. I love taking pictures with friends, but I rarely think I look good in them by comparison.
Hopefully, this too changes somehow. I’d really like to feel okay when I see myself in photos!
Celes, Thanks for considering change the post time, which will really enable me to spend more time on the challenge. Really appreciate. Today’s task is fantastic!
I feel so sorry for myself, I apologized to her, and she cried even worse. Next time, I
will continue and I will thank her for what she did for me, and told her I love her.
Your Task Today
1. Rate yourself in your physical looks on a scale of 1 to 10. What score do you give
yourself? 6.
Is this score 10/10? Why not? For example, say you gave yourself a 2/10.Your
reasons can be
I am too dark, then lots of mans.
I am not in good fit.
I have lots of xx in my face, boys used to joke as I have lots of stars in my
face.
My mouth is so big.
My teeth not white, not clean enough.
I have too many hairs, not soft enough.
My feet is too big.
I never spent time to look at myself.
I see her so sad, hopeless, the light is dark, want to cry but try very hard to
control herself. I felt I treat her so bad. I haven’t experience of the beauty
yet, but I will do it everyday until I see it, I believe I will cry a lot,
since too much things withhold in that body& soul.
Although I didn’t fully acknowledge the beauty yet, but I want to say to the world
loudly that
“I’m
beautiful, just the way I am.”
Hey Vivian, just reading the first two lines of your comment made me want to burst into tears with you (in a good way). You have a natural way of expressing yourself and your thoughts that is so poetic and beautiful.
With the mirror exercise, you’ve truly embraced the spirit of it — recognizing the YOU, that beautiful lady, that has been in you all this while, working hard to serve you, to make you happy, to “battle” against the tough journey that is life together. The emotions that you’ve expressed are all very real and have been in you all this while, just not felt yet. Until today.
I’ve heard your declaration that you’re beautiful. And I’d like to say with you that you are indeed beautiful, just the way you are.
Celes,many thanks for all your time and effotts to bring us to the Place where we can enjoy life with what I have and create a tremendous future no matter what we have.
P.s. just have difficultly on paypal account for my card info. I will get the 10/10 and 30D first. Your suggestion/sharing/Coaching, it’s very practical.
Hi Vivian, thank you so much. Getting 10/10 and 30D sounds good; they are pretty much the foundational courses for anything that I teach at PE. In fact, I’m thinking of doing a new run for 30D next month (where people who’ve purchased 30D program get to take part in a private forum) once the affirmation challenge is over. I’ll see if I can work this into my schedule then announce it at the end of the affirmation challenge if I can make it happen.
Fantastic! I really enjoy the community practice, the sharing from others open lots of new area for me to do reflection. Very powerful. Will wait for your announcement. At the same time, i will fix the account:)
Hi Aatiya, thank you — I really appreciate your kind words! :D I do what I can to deliver the best challenge experience for everyone, since everyone has signed up for this experience and is investing his/her time into it. I approach every single thing I do with this same attitude really, be it the free articles I write or the paid courses that I do. I’m really happy that you see the value in what I’m doing here!
Thanks for your added input regarding the rating step, and I’m glad that you see its place in the challenge. It’s interesting that you felt pity for yourself when doing the mirror exercise — and this feeling has probably been there in the past, just that it has never been processed. With you feeling it and acknowledging it during the mirror exercise, it has now switched from being in your subconscious self to your conscious self, so this is really a good thing. Even if you don’t know the reason behind this feeling, the more important thing is that you now recognize it!
I would like to add that when doing mirror exercise (as with other self-reflective exercises), the initial wave of feelings that surface are usually the negative ones, such as anxiety, self-criticism, apathy, anger, etc. (in line with the levels of consciousness under the area of “FORCE”). Once these are “purged” (purged as in they have surfaced into your consciousness and have been “recognized” and “acknowledged,” the “higher-level” self-realizations and love-based emotions instantly start popping up, one after another. It sounds like you were experiencing the intersection point of these two phases, when you felt the cocktail of emotions (happy and sad)! Pressing on, you would eventually feel nothing but only positive, love-based feelings about yourself.
Overall, I’d like to applaud you for recognizing the beauty of your real self and that the criticism of the past has been irrelevant! You are beautiful, just the way you are Aatiya. I’m also excited that those feelings of “pity” and “sadness” have now been pushed out of the subconscious realm, because it marks the start of being able to consciously deal with them. As with every task in the affirmation challenge, today’s task is the start to other things, and everything we’re experiencing now is really meant as an “awakening” moment for more great things to come.
Thanks. Cant wait to see what’s there in day 9 post!!
Physical Looks….I have always been disappointed with me, but in truth I used to love my looks…but as the years went by the criticism of the others and a bit of neglect by my side took me away…I love my curly hair, but everyone criticized them making me wonder whether beauty is only in straight locks? I neglected myself, gained a bit of weight, dark circles, greying hair….as a young woman, my girlfriends would awe my physical features….when I think of the ME back then, it’s been clouded by chasing what’s not me, and I miss the ME then….and because I miss her, I’d bring me back!
1. Rate yourself in your physical looks on a scale of 1 to 10: I’d give me a 6
2. Is this score 10/10? Why not? It’s not a 10, and the reason I say this is not cos of the criticism I have received from others, but more for the neglect I have on my physical looks….the gained pounds on the stomach and thighs, the dark circles, the neglected face, and my acceptance of greys….that’s what gave me my 6
5. Recognize your beauty: It comes back to that….I have neglected myself….I see the smooth skin, the wonderful nails, the shapely nose….I cannot believe I let myself into the qualms of judging myself as not pretty only because others said that to me….
I am beautiful just the way I am….
and from today, no more of neglect….I am who I am, I am curly haired, I am beautiful….I shall love myself and that includes my physical looks…..
Hi ASLO, you know what? In all my years of interacting with (and observing people), and in all my later years of coaching people, I realize that every single person (female in particular) seem to have some quibble about their looks — NO MATTER HOW THEY LOOK. For example, I can meet a girl with straight hair who cribs to me about how she wishes she has wavy hair (like mine). Then the next moment, I can meet a girl with wavy hair who cribs to me about how wavy hair gets so frizzy, messy, and ugly and how she wishes she has straight hair which looks oh-so-elegant. I literally hear this type of self-criticism from any girl NO MATTER what kind of features / hair color / skin color / skin type / etc. she has, even if it’s the exact kind of features that another self-critiquing girl wishes she had. Girl A will want what Girl B has, while Girl B will want what Girl A has — no one seems to ever be happy and recognize her own beauty.
And why is that? Because the grass seems greener on the other side. More importantly, we were never taught in our schools (at least not in my schools) and the media how to love ourselves. So our first instinct in any situation is to see how sucky we are and to wish that we have something else. Especially so in the area of beauty, where women are often targets of advertisers’ marketing messages.
Bottom line is — as what you’ve already recognized yourself, ASLO — you are beautiful as yourself, curly-haired, with dark circles, greying hair, a little bit of extra weight vs. your past, and so on. You are beautiful, ASLO!! You are oh-so beautiful! I’m glad that you’ve recognized that with today’s exercise, and I hope you’ll continue to think this way because you have such a beautiful inner soul, and such a pity if you don’t recognize how beautiful you are externally too! :)
That is so true! I go through it myself when I’d see a woman telling me “I love your curls” while I can’t help but admire her straight hair!
The media have characterized light fair skin, high cheekbones, straight hair and perfect eyes as beautiful…..PE has engraved the curly frizzy hair, dark circles, greying hair and the extra pounds as ME! The girl in the media is beautiful…..I infront of my laptop am beautiful too :) Everyone is! And thank you Celes for bringing in that belief! It was woefully lost in me…..finally it is here :)
You’re inspiring me woman. I neglect myself too. There is nothing feminine about me but my body. I want to change that. Honestly I am scared now.
Dearest Educate Yourself! *hugs* Have you read my femininity series before? If not I encourage you to read it when you get the time — it shares my story of how I struggled with the duality of femininity-masculinity from my teens up to my mid-to-late 20s, and how I overcame this issue through and through.
I read them yesterday and felt better. Thanks!
Dear Beautiful Woman! Femininity is gorgeous and what’s even more wonderful is that we are all filled with femininity! Not a single woman is left out! Perhaps we are all differently conditioned to think that “I have less of it” “She has more of it” But it truth, we are all beautiful and feminine :) Have a positive day :) You are feminine, elegant and beautiful @disqus_ITs8GN9E5O:disqus
Thanks ASLO, I am! :) We are!
Hi ASLO! I think you’ve come to a beautiful realization. =) I remember very vividly once in school (I’m thinking I was as young as elementary/middle school), everyone had received their school photos and girls were talking about how ugly they looked. I thought I looked good in mine, but I very soon realized I couldn’t say that. No one said that they thought they looked good, I didn’t want to be that jerk that said, “Well, I think I look amazing!”
I had assumed at the time (and often much after) that the girls were just saying it trying to fit in. I wonder now though if they genuinely thought they didn’t look good, or if perhaps they were lying to themselves in the beginning but eventually came to believe it. Regardless of whether it was true for them or not, it makes me sad to realize how early on people begin to judge themselves.
Unfortunately, I began to think badly of myself as well; I always hate how I look in pictures. Very rarely do I think I look good in them, and when it comes time to take a picture of me I’m in a frenzy trying to pose in such a way that I think I’ll look good in the picture. I think I look much better in real life than in photos, but perhaps I’ve just been conditioned to think that from the people around me!
Anyway, love your resolve to not neglect yourself any more…so glad you’ve gotten back to loving your looks!
Hey Calae, sometimes I wonder, the reason why we have lost a touch with ourselves is because we are trying to fit in with everyone else! The society does it this way so let us do it that way….but which way do we want to do it? So what if I want to say I look amazing in my pictures when I was a young girl, so what if I want a gentle smile and all my poses are the same as a woman? The society taught me to judge myself, I shall teach me to love myself! And my daughter too! I shall teach her from the very onset not to let the society change her….
Thank you for that….I wish you all the best :)
Hi everyone ;)
Hope all of you are starting the day out beauty – full ;)
I have drawn many portraits in my life and studied many faces and body types. Regardless to any concept of beauty, human body and all features including our DNA are created according to the divine proportion ( φ – phi ), the same proportion is found everywhere in nature, in great works of art and architecture. Basically all forms of drawing requires great observation, looking to the objects as you have never seen them before…
I have had those moments when I see people, who didn’t seem attractive to me at first ( can be someone I randomly met, but more often it’s on movies) and the longer I look to them the more beauty I discover in their features. It might be the personal charisma and body language involved, but still I refer to facial features only.
The same goes for looking to myself in the mirror, eye gazing, dropping all the layers, starting from all the imperfections of my skin, going on to my posture – standing straighter, finishing up with my facial expression – the more relaxed and loving I become towards myself, the more beauty I can see on the outside.
I would normally rate myself anywhere from 6/10 to 8/10. Six being “almost beautiful” when my skin disease progresses and 8 being “very beautiful” when I am in relaxed stage. On my scale 9 would mean the “excellent” or my highest ideal of what myself or someone else could be, and I would refer to 10 as something beyond just physical, that extra something that our spirit brings in.
However after this kind of exercises with mirror I feel on 10/10 even if my skin is on crisis. On those moments I overflow with love and all I want to do is embrace myself and everybody else. I would love to try eye gazing with someone else to strengthen both mine and other person self valuation through each other.
“I’m beautiful, just the way I am.”
( actually there is no need to verbally say it, the feelings radiate it ;)
I love the challenge!
So do I, Nettie! :D
It’s amazing that you can share with us your insights from the perspective of an artist. I think I’ve heard about the divine proportion, and I think there’s some internet article that has been floating around in the past decade about this “ideal” face that perfectly fits this divine proportion. It talked about how it’s no coincidence that all of us tend to share a common consensus about who beautiful and who not, and it’s because all these people/things that we perceive as beautiful actually fit that proportion.
When I read it I was still living under the illusion that there was this fixed beauty ideal, but honestly that whole idea just felt “off” to me. Frankly speaking, I already had an inkling that our beauty perceptions are molded by the media back then, and it felt like reverse-explaining — that we have a common perception of who is beautiful because they fit the divine proportion, as opposed to us thinking they are beautiful BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY what we’ve been conditioned, by the media, since young! That you now explain that all human bodies are created according to this proportion, and this proportion can be found anywhere in nature, actually makes a whole lot more sense that the media’s bad attempt at projecting only ONE look as the holy grail image of beauty.
That is BEAUTIFUL. Santas I can’t see your face as it’s not on your avatar, but if I can, I’ll readily tell you how 10/10 beautiful you look and easily point out the beautiful part of every facial feature and body feature you have.
And this is not even considering that I feel you are 10/10 beautiful in your soul as well.
This is incredible! The beauty has been all around us and all our lives we have been conditioned to turn blind eye on that. Golden Ratio is the secret in plain sight. It’s a pattern that most forms in nature follows. It resonates with natural order and that’s why it’s so appealing for an eye. It also shows how we are all connected with one another and all life. I was really amazed when I first discovered it and it changed how I look to the world, especially to the nature.
Of course media, beauty industry want us to believe that there is only one standard of beauty. If everybody believed in their nature given beauty and knew their worth so many industries and businesses would collapse. That’s why in our education systems and everywhere we go we are taught to think and look at things in one certain way only ( through left-brain perspective) and have been told that we need to compete to one another, and that’s why we feel insecure, we compare ourselves to somebody else and even worse, we compare ourselves to idealized, non-existent “holy grail image of beauty”.
We should all start to see what’s been real all along. All the supermodels are people just like us. Everybody have their flaws. All the celebrities aren’t nearly as perfect as they appear on screen. There are lots of make up (and contouring!), plastic surgery, fake nails, lashes, hair and “body parts”, retouching softwares to make the “product” look attractive etc. And it’s crazy that we actually call it beautiful.
Thank You Celes for kind words! We are all 10/10 here. Inside and out. And I wish I can hold on to this feeling whenever media or society tries to tell otherwise.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8
First of all I like your structured approach towards conducting challenges. I mean, you tackle the base beliefs first and then move on to address specific issues relating to the life wheel. Awesome!
I would rate myself as 6.5/10.
In response to Madalina’s and Karen’s concern that rating promotes self hate. I beg to differ here. I think when we aim to reach ‘somewhere’ we need to know where ‘we are’ so that we get an idea of how large is the gap between the two things. For e.g. usually doctors advice to drink 10-12 glasses of water a day. I believed that I was actually doing so until I moved away from a safe comfort of my home to a hostel. My roommate used to drink water like 3-4 litres per day! Looking at her I felt like I was drinking less (at least in comparison with her). Then one fine day I actually measured up the amount of water I drink and to my shock it was just about 4-5 glasses of water, per day!! This hit me hard. And I really leveled up my water intake. What I am trying to say is that self rating is just an assessment tool to get at least a glimpse of the beliefs we have for ourselves. Which will further drive change.
Proceeding further in the challenge, yes I did the mirror exercise. To be frank I felt pity for myself. Don’t know why. But I really experienced a cocktail of emotions- happy as well as sad. Happy that I came to know that my real self is not limited to outer looks and I am already beautiful. Sad for being so critical, for blaming my body and other issues related to my face and hair all my life. Most of the times I have failed to be grateful for the great features I already have as opposed to the bad ones.
I am beautiful, just the way I am.
When I started this challenge on Day 4. It took me the whole day to catch up and then saw Day 5 just before I did Day 4! I was so glad I had one more to go. I wanted to call it quits. Lol anyways, when I reached Day 2: “I love myself unconditionally” I started to look at myself in the mirror later before showering.. I didn’t feel anything that day but the next day i noticed I liked my face, and the next day i like something else i used to hate as a teenager when they started showing. I used to hide them with my scarf, and wished I was a boy instead.
I felt stupid doing it but yesterday I felt l better because I liked my butt. And I say “I love you” to everything. The one thing i don’t like yet I kiss it every day, someday i will love them, the “eye balls of my feet”. They are the only thing i did not accept fully. Like karen and Madalina S I don’t rate myself. I started saying “I am beautiful, i love everything about me” since Day 4. Then I specify the things i disliked before and I tell to each that I love them. Then thanked them for doing whatever they were there to do. I kiss the “eye balls of my feet” after i showered. I don’t know its name.. I smile each time and I don’t know why.
Say today’s affirmation .
“I’m beautiful, just the way I am.”
I think I’ll join Karen on the rating part – I prefer not to rate myself, because it would only lead to critical evaluation that won’t necessarily be true or contributing to my self-esteem and confidence. There are things which I like about myself and then there are others which I’d rather change if I could. However, such a thing isn’t possible, so I try to remind myself everyday that beauty is a part of each individual, because each of us is unique. And just as important: I should love my body and appreciate it since it’s healthy and it gets me places, doing the things I love.
I did once the mirror exercise (independent of any challenge or site). I just wanted to *really look* at myself, so I stood in front of a mirror and studied my features. Yes, tears did flow down my cheeks after about 5 minutes, and yes, it felt good.
What has really helped me so far is to focus on the things I like about myself and on being grateful for all the great things related to my body (health being number 1). Flaws – or what I perceive as flaws – are still there, but I’m slowly getting over it, so that when someone says (for example) “Your acne looks bad” I’m not fazed anymore. As long as deep in my heart I know that I’m taking good care of my skin and I accept the fact that nature has its own rhythm, I am at peace with everything.
“I’m beautiful, just the way I am.”
Hi Lina! Thanks for sharing — I responded to Karen regarding the rating part, and hope it helps to further explain where I’m coming from. The key message is this, “If anything, the intention [of the rating step] to quickly bring to our awareness the beauty “ideals,” the self-disliking/self-hating thoughts, the grievances / disappointments / hopes and wishes about our physical looks, ALL right up to the surface right away.” And if the rating is / would have been anything other than 10/10 (if the person had rated), it really only reflects those very hidden, deeply embedded beauty ideals that haven’t been unrooted, and this is a PERFECT time to explore and break them at the root.
Also like I mentioned to Karen, I did see a risk posting this rating thing (along with the mirror exercise) as one of the steps in today’s task (only because this is an online-website-based challenge where I can’t individually guide everyone along as he/she is doing the task and explain where we are heading based on where he/she stands), but I didn’t want to scrap the surface of this deeply embedded societal phenomenon with a simple “Step 1: Identify things to love about yourself” and “Step 2: Say the affirmation” task.
Hopefully some will try it out and see the benefit of this step, and if not I’ll take into account that an online-website-based challenge (with barriers toward public sharing, lack of in-person touch, and so on) may have its limitations in terms of how deep I can go in terms of belief-breaking and personal change (as opposed to personal coaching / group coaching sessions that I do offline/online etc. and can be there in person to oversee/guide the process).
I understand your point and I really hope that my initial comment didn’t come off as rude. I was in no way negative when I said that I’d rather not rate myself, just stating a preference.
Hey Lina, not at all! I didn’t get any negativity from your response, but rather that you were simply stating your personal thoughts and preference regarding that step. It’s good that you understand where I’m coming from with that particular step too. I’m just more than happy and grateful to have you (and the other participants) here together in this challenge.
I like the idea of this affirmation, just not the way it was carried out – I definitely don’t want to rate myself anything because personally, I feel that it contributes to self-hating behavior. I’ve been working a lot on how I see myself the past year or so, and I feel like I’m in a place where I have no problem with how I look on the whole. Sure, some days I feel better than others, but for me I’ve gotten to a point where I’m not saying I hate myself – ever. I think that’s really big, and on the whole I’m fairly neutral to my looks bordering on having great days where I think I’m fabulous. I really like my eyes and my smile, and my skin is becoming more even as I shift to a natural skin treatment instead of using harsh chemicals.
I AM beautiful, just the way I am – and now I have the ability (and do) fully recognize it!
Hi, Karen!
I love your view on this affirmation and the rating part. I’m currently in pretty much the same place as you are – learning to love myself, feeling neutral on certain days and really good on others. Here’s to more “Feeling-fabulous-days”!
Hi Karen, I totally understand where you are coming from!
Allow me to quickly explain the rationale behind the rating though — in no way is it designed to induce self-hating behavior, and in no way am I encouraging people to contribute to their own self-hate. If anything, the step is designed to quickly bring to our awareness the beauty “ideals,” the self-disliking/self-hating thoughts, the grievances / disappointments / hopes and wishes about our physical looks, ALL right up to the surface right away.
Take a random (fake) example — say I rated myself yesterday and I gave myself a 7/10, in terms of my beauty. 10/10 would be what I would define as the most beautiful person . And then when asked to self-question why, I (again, hypothetical fake points) might say that it’s because I wish my eyes were larger, I wish my skin was tighter, I wish my face was slimmer, and I wish my hair was richer (more hair) and smoother.
And then the challenge to myself would have been, so? And why? So what if my eyes were not larger, my skin was not tighter, my face was not slimmer, and my hair wasn’t richer? They shouldn’t change how I define myself, in terms my beauty. I, as myself, the way I look now, IS at a level of 10/10 beautiful. Even if I were to have bigger eyes, tighter skin, slimmer face, richer hair, etc. in the future, I would still be at a level of 10/10. This 10/10 beauty level will NEVER change because WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL AS WE ARE NOW, regardless of our features, sizes, shapes, forms, colors, etc.
(More on busting such erroneous beauty ideals here: The Beauty of Self – How I Used To Feel Inferior about My Looks and Why I No Longer Feel That Way.)
I recognize that the rating step may be uncomfortable to some, and I feel it may be more because of the public sharing of the results than anything else. I encourage everyone to still do this step one (and subsequently the other steps of today’s task of course), and there’s no need to share the score if there is discomfort in doing so. The first objective of the challenge is to have an earnest self-reflection about where we stand, not to publicize our results. Whether one can share his/her results and experience doing the task, to me, is a bonus. I don’t want the latter to affect one’s experience of the former.
I did see a risk posting this rating thing (along with the mirror exercise) as one of the steps in today’s task (only because this is an online-website-based challenge where I can’t individually guide everyone along as he/she is doing the task and explain where we are heading based on where he/she stands), but I didn’t want to scrap the surface of this deeply embedded societal phenomenon with a simple “Step 1: Identify things to love about yourself” and “Step 2: Say the affirmation” task. Sure, it leaves us feeling somewhat good about ourselves / our looks for that one day, but then it doesn’t address the deepest roots of any self-limiting physical looks beliefs we may (still) be carrying.
The rating step is meant to be a neutral rating, and if it does induce discomfort for anyone, then I’d encourage those of you to explore this discomfort and understand why. Chances are there may be some hidden beauty ideals that haven’t been unrooted, and this is a PERFECT time to explore and break them at the root. The discomfort isn’t really a reflection the step per se but a reflection of something else, likely a difference in definition of what beauty should be and where we stand now (of which this difference SHOULDN’T exist).
Thanks for taking time to leave this comment, and I appreciate you bringing up a point that may be on others’ minds at the moment, and I hope my response will clarify on this point for those who think this way.
I’m glad that you have no problem with how you look overall, and that you recognize your beauty — because you ARE beautiful, Karen!
hey Celes, thanks for your reply :) I see where you’re coming from and I understand that you didn’t mean for it to contribute to anyone’s self-hating behavior. I personally still don’t feel comfortable rating myself because I feel that beauty isn’t something on a scale that can be rated, as it is subjective to each person. I see that you weren’t trying to get us to rate ourselves just to rate us, but rather to really look at *why* we were rating ourselves. I do understand the purpose of that exercise, but I feel that for some it may be triggering if anyone is in recovery for an eating disorder, body dysmorphia, or anything like that. I wouldn’t say it’s the public sharing that personally made me not want to rate myself, I think it’s just the idea of rating oneself in order to then continue on to evaluate why we gave ourselves that number. I personally feel that there are better ways to examine ourselves and evaluate what we consider our flaws, the first of which is realizing that beauty is a socially constructed norm. Thank you for your feedback though, I really appreciate it :)
Hi Karen, thanks, and I’m glad that you understand where I’m coming from! There’s just something that I want to clarify, regarding:
I’d rephrase the second part of the sentence to “you weren’t trying to get us to rate ourselves just to rate us, but rather to understand at *why* we weren’t/aren’t rating ourselves the score of 10/10 that we deserve.” Because the score should never *not* be 10/10, because beauty comes in all kinds of shapes, forms, and sizes.
I can, however, totally understand what you mean if someone just read steps 1 and 2 of the exercise, did them, and then stopped there. With steps 3, 4 and 5 though, they are to debunk whatever self-limiting beliefs he/she cited about his/her beauty. And here’s one of the major parts of the exercise: it isn’t the reasons why he/she cited about not giving a 10/10 that’s the key here, but that all these reasons are FALSE and IRRELEVANT. I’m not sure if you managed to do the mirror step, but that step actually brings into perspective the whole intent and purpose of what this exercise is meant to do.
Regardless, it really, really doesn’t matter whether someone does Steps 1 and 2 (or not) as much as it’s about self-recognizing that he/she is already beautiful first and foremost, and then being able to hold true to this belief 100% (as opposed to it being a wavering thought, switching from self-dislike at times to self-love to even self-loathing). As long as this objective is accomplished, then we’re all in the same place of recognizing that all of us are at a 10/10 beauty, not anything more, not anything less.
(PS: By the way, I just want to add that it’s totally fine that you don’t feel comfortable about the rating step and choose not to do it; nothing in this challenge is compulsory and you are free to skip whatever parts you disagree with / feel uncomfortable about. I’m all for recognizing that not everything here may work for everyone. The purpose of my (lengthy) response(s) is only to explain where I’m coming from and clarify misinterpretations (if any), and isn’t to convince you or anyone else why that step is gospel (because it isn’t) and must be done. Having trained and conducted so many courses with so many diverse groups of people, I recognize that different things work for different people, and my only intent here is to design a challenge that creates the maximum (and sustainable) change in a safe, supportive, and welcoming environment/community, in the most positive manner possible.
1. Rate yourself on a scale of physical looks from 1 to 10.
I rate myself 7.
2. Why is it not 10/10?
Because I’m not tanned, don’t have super buff muscles, and all that macho image.
3 -5: Grab a mirror, examine yourself, recognize your beauty.
Honestly speaking, I have totally no reaction at all. Maybe because I am quite indifferent to my looks (and looks in general?). I recognize that society prizes a certain aesthetic for men and women, and can apprecieate that look; but as for normal people I am just fine with it and don’t think about it very much. Although judging from my rating above I have some limiting beliefs about looks that I can still drop.
6. Say today’s affirmation.
“I’m beautiful, just the way I am.”
See, even Bruno Mars thinks I am amazing: “Cos you’re amazing… Just the way you are!!!”
Hi Samuel, you are totally spot on about the score suggesting possible limiting beliefs that you can drop. Recognizing this is a HUGE first step, so now the next step is to release said beliefs (likely what you listed in Step #2 as the definition of a 10/10 rating) and to recognize that you ARE beautiful, just the way you are.
And you know what? When I was writing the task, Bruno Mars’ song kept coming up in my mind too, haha! (It was actually one of the songs in my wedding too.) I guess some of his songs actually help to raise the consciousness of the world by helping them to recognize the beauty of their selves!!!
So many people don’t like their looks! It surprises me that really nice-looking people don’t see it in themselves but it is so common.
Why does it surprise me? Because I have a noticeable “facial difference” — that’s the polite term. I have a large port wine stain birthmark on my face that covers one side from the bottom of the eye to below the level of my lips and spreads to the temple on that side.
People sometimes say things that are quite rude. And sometimes they think that I am the victim of domestic violence or an accident and ask nosy questions and offer unnecessary advice. Some people have told me that they find it hard to look at it. And some people who don’t say anything avoid eye contact. AND some people think that I am mentally retarded and talk down to me.
So when someone who does not have this kind of obvious difference says something about not liking their looks, it seems like an extreme example of self-dislike.
When I was really young, we lived in a small community and everyone quickly got used to my appearance, and I think that helped me with self-acceptance early on. As a teen I had the usual agonies about my appearance, and interestingly, looking back, they were not that different from my sister who hated her nose and my friend who hated her chin. But my sister and my friend got dates and I didn’t.
Except for some small children who were startled, and one who said “God you’re ugly” I didn’t have a lot of negative reactions.
Until I went to uni. And then into the world of work. Where I encountered people who make unwarranted assumptions and offer unwanted advice and say rude things.
My husband was not the first person I dated, but he was the first to look right at me, right past the birthmark, into my eyes… he didn’t hesitate to kiss me on that cheek! We have been married for nearly 40 years now! Seeing the man I love gaze at me that way, hearing him say that I am beautiful — well, of course I am!
When he was seven, my son tried to claw my birthmark off my face. I covered it and said, now look at my eyes, look at my nose, look at my mouth, my ears, my face. They’re pretty, aren’t they?
I did the mirror exercise and the eyes, nose, mouth, ears, face are pretty. And the birthmark is just there.
I am beautiful just the way I am.
NOTE; I am not suggesting that you need someone else’s approval of your looks! It’s just that my husband’s response counterbalanced the negativity of the world around me and restored me to the acceptance of my birthmark that I had grown up with. Also that I could not have been happily married for so many years to a man who did not accept my looks and wanted to change me.
VickiB, that is SO beautiful, what your husband did when he kissed you on that cheek! He recognizes you are you, and the birthmark as the birthmark — a beautiful one, to boot.
You’re 100% right that we don’t need someone’s approval of looks, but sometimes that can be a trigger factor to help us relook at ourselves and realize that we ARE beautiful as ourselves (which was the case for yourself). For the rest of you reading this, I just want to let you know that all of you are beautiful, as yourself — just like VickiB is, just like I am too. No more and no less, just beautiful the way we are.
Aww :) Sounds super-cute. Those moments must be so special. The love your husband have for you must be genuine. ( I wish my husband were able to do it or loved “those” parts equally). I hope you are aware of the treasure you have, VickiB!!! You are beautiful! Don’t hesitate to put yourself 10/10 ;)
And the fact, you didn’t have as many dates, doesn’t mean it had anything to do with your looks. The way you felt about yourself or your BEAUTY-mark, probably sent out the wrong signals for guys.
Such a beautiful comment, Santas! Not that it matters to VickiB since she has already found MrB and has been happily married to MrB for some four decades (!!!!), but I’d also like to add that even if there were guys who didn’t date Vicki back then because of her birthmark, it would only be because they weren’t able to recognize her birthmark’s beauty. They were living with a fixated ideal of what beauty is, which prevented them from seeing other forms of beauty. This is really important and something all girls (and guys) need to recognize, because all too often we tend to think that something is wrong with us (and our looks) if people aren’t asking us out for dates or are rejecting us for whatever reason.
And yes, VickiB, you are a 10/10, and so are you Santas — you are a 10/10 too!! :) All of us are 10/10 in our beauty, in our own unique way!
Today really turned out BEAUTY – FULL ;) It feels good to feel beautiful. We all are, but to really acknowledge that is such a pleasure. Big hugs to each and every one of you who looked in the mirror today and saw IT!
Your story reminded me of something. I don’t remember how the story started. I don’t know for sure if it was a time when my aunt got her nose pierced or a time when we asked why some of our aunts don’t have beauty slashes. All I remember was one of my grandmother told us that a long time ago people were so scared at the time when their loved ones were being kidnapped from West Africa and were being sent to America as slaves. In order for different families to look out for each other from far away, they would make marks on their people, to bring them back home safely if they spot them. Something like tattoos. People slashed their faces and in different ways or somewhere on the body where it can be seen. Some people have one vertical slash on each cheek, or three small slashes on their temples, or they slash from the corners of their mouth to their ears (3 on each side).
Later on after that period passed the slashes became beauty trends, even now. My mom has the first one I mentioned. There are so many different ones that I didn’t mention. Anyways they did all that because their people don’t have natural beauty marks on their bodies like VickiB. I have 5 tiny ones on my body too. We used to show them off between friends. Some people have bigger ones. Actually the bigger you have the better off you are. That’s why they make the slashes bigger and darker as beauty trends now. It’s like wanting long hair and most of us envy that and we have something they don’t have too, everyone is different. I like tattoos but I am too chicken to do one. I am glad my ears were pierced when I was a kid. It hurts to be pretty. We burn our scalps just to straighten our hair or I am not sure how the slashing was done but I know it hurts and they used sharp things and put a substance to make it darker to be forever beautiful like VickiB. If you were there at that time you would be easy to spot and be stolen back home.
This is a very interesting bit of history. I remember reading something about that a long time ago. It certainly shows how standards of beauty differ and that we are all beautiful.
Indeed a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing it :)
Your story of tribal scars or slashes is authentic. This tradition is still practised in my area, not as systematically as in the old days but in a very fashionable way. I love them.
Hi VickiB
Your husband sounds like a wonderful, beautiful person. It can be difficult when we have such a point of difference. I have had a similar experience. Thank you for sharing your lovely story with us.
Vicki, the sharing is powerful. My son has birthmark on his leg. I never let him wear short trousers in case people say rude things. Via your story, i realized how stupid I was, he won’t accept his birthmark if I can’t.
Hi Vivian, that’s a really powerful realization. By now accepting his birthmark, it creates the space for him to do so too. Even if people say rude things, that’s their issue, not his or yours, and the sooner he learns it, the faster he’ll be able to fully accept and embrace himself for who he is.
Celes, Yes. Thanks for your note. I used to believe I am protecting him, as you said, create space for him is the best way for him to accept and embrace himself for who he is. At the meanwhile, I am also in the journey to fully accept and embrace myself for who I am.
Lucky and happy you, VickiB!!
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