I learned about it while studying economics in school, and here’s what it says:

The law of diminishing returns state that as more units of a variable input (like time, effort) are added to a productive process, the additional output (or benefit) from each new unit will eventually decrease.^[1]

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Let’s say you have a cornfield and you want to increase your corn yield with fertilizer.

• Adding one bag of fertilizer significantly boosts your crop yield.
• Adding a 2nd and 3rd bag increases your yield further, by roughly the same amount.
• Adding a 4th bag still increases it but by a smaller margin. Each additional bag after that contributes less and less to the total yield, even though it’s the exact same type of fertilizer! This smaller yield increase is called diminishing returns.
• If you keep adding more fertilizer beyond diminishing returns, the field becomes overfertilized and you will get a decrease in total corn yield! This is called negative returns.

See graph below:

(Image: Personal Excellence)

Diminishing Returns in Our Life

Diminishing returns can actually be observed in different areas of our life. Consider these examples:

• Work. The initial hours of a work day are usually the most productive. In the later hours, productivity starts to decline as our energy decreases. At a certain point, it results in burnout.
• Social media. While using social media can feel fun and enjoyable at first, after some time it becomes less enjoyable. Using it for 2, 3, 4 hours can feel draining and sucks up our productivity.
• Learning. The first book we read on a topic is usually the most helpful as we learn its fundamental concepts. Reading 10 more books on the same topic may continue to be helpful. But to read 20, 30, or 50 books on the exact same thing? It becomes repetitive and offers diminishing gains (unless the book is extremely well-written with unique value-add to the topic).
• Meetings. Having meetings every week can improve clarity and collaboration at work. But having too many meetings adds little value, eats into productive work time, and creates mental drain.

As a writer, I typically have high output during the first 2-3 hours of my writing session. Beyond a certain point, I’m editing and rewriting points but not making much gains. That’s my point of diminishing returns.

For my site content, it’s helpful for my readers when I write articles on a new topic. But to write 10, 20, 30 articles on the exact same topic without any new insight or ideas? It leads to diminishing returns, which is why I do not write repetitive content even though it is common to do so for self-help blogs.

Can you see situations with diminishing returns in your life?

What We Can Learn From This 💡

The law of diminishing returns teaches us some important things:

• Firstly, more isn’t always better. Beyond a certain point, adding more time, effort, or resources leads to a slower growth in output. And beyond that, it leads to negative gains.
• Secondly, it’s important to find the optimal point that gives you the best return. By strategically allocating our time, effort, and resources, we can achieve greater results without increasing input.
• Thirdly, rest and variation can help us sustain high levels of productive output over time.

This is true whether in work, relationships, health, or skill improvement. E.g., with relationships, there are diminishing returns from having too many meetups a week — it takes away from productive work time and me time. With health, there are diminishing returns with each health protocol you follow — it is better to branch out and try other approaches that can jumpstart your progress.

At the heart of it, the law of diminishing returns is a reminder for us to work smarter and to aim for better results with less wasted effort.

With each goal you are working on (whether it’s work, health, exercise, relationships, etc.), you want to focus on the steps where you can get the most returns, and to stop and change your action when you reach diminishing returns.

Stop in the zone of diminishing returns, when payoff is not justified by added input (Image: Personal Excellence)

For example:

• Studying: Studying for 2 hours can help you learn a lot, but studying for 6 hours straight can lead to reduced retention and smaller gains per hour. Take short breaks to move around, rest, and recharge first, and then return with better focus.
• Creating content: When creating a report, you spend 2 hours creating a solid draft and another hour refining it. In the 4th hour though, you are busy nitpicking details that have no actual impact on the output. That means it’s time to wrap up and move on.
• Improving health: Say you are optimizing your health. You tried a bunch of supplements and they either had minor or no noticeable effect. Here, branch out to try new things. Try sauna, castor oil, grounding, switching to a whole food diet, herbs, and exercise. Research supplements that target different areas of health. Join health communities to get fresh ideas to jumpstart your progress.
• Growing blog: Lastly, you’ve been guest posting and it has given you healthy traffic gains. However, it’s now harder to find sites to guest post on and the traffic gain from this strategy has also diminished. At this point, it’s better to pivot to other strategies, such as Tiktok, YouTube, or Pinterest.

Managing the Law of Diminishing Returns: How To Maximize Productivity and Gains 📈

So how can you maximize productive gains and minimize diminishing returns while spending the same time and effort? Very importantly, how do you avoid negative gains? Here are my 7 tips.

1. Recognize when you are getting diminishing returns.
   • Be aware when you are entering the zone of diminishing returns. Clear signs are when you make slower progress, you get less gain per input, the quality of the task doesn’t noticeably improve, or you feel mentally fatigued.
   • For quantifiable goals (e.g., growing subscribers, sales), track and measure to know when diminishing returns kick in.
2. Work in strategic time blocks.
   • Identify the times of the day when you are most productive, and design your work day around these time blocks. Try to spend these productive hours on the most important tasks.
3. Focus on the 80/20.
   • Focus on high-impact strategies. With every goal, adopt strategies that give you the best return. When progress slows down, adjust your approach and adopt the next best strategy.
   • Prioritize high-impact tasks. Every day, focus on the tasks that give you the highest impact in terms of your end goal. Ask yourself, “Is this the best use of my time? Is this the most meaningful thing I can do now?”
   • Avoid fine-tuning to oblivion. When working on a task, you may fine-tune things to oblivion. Perfectionism is good, but save it for tasks that really matter. For most tasks, do them to a good-enough quality and move on. Read: How To Overcome Perfectionism (series)
4. Allow yourself to rest. Know that you are the most productive when your energy is high, not just when you’re at your desk. Rest and rejuvenation are vital for restoring productivity.
   • Take steps to recover cognitively before returning to high-level tasks. If possible, get a change in environment. Try to take proper breaks such as going for a walk, practicing self-care, watching videos you enjoy, or spending time with a loved one.
   • Have restorative off days where you do something different from your usual routine (e.g., a weekend trip, an excursion) and recharge your mind and spirit.
5. Switch things up. Switch between different tasks to keep engagement high. For example:
   • Work: Switch between high-level tasks when you are recharged and low-level tasks (emails, admin) when you feel fatigued.
   • Writing a book: Switch between writing different chapters, designing the book cover, and creating the marketing plan.
6. Know when to stop or change action. Upon entering diminishing returns, monitor your progress and decide when to stop or pivot. Ask yourself, “Am I still getting good gains, or am I getting diminishing returns?” If additional effort brings minimal gains, and the payoff is not worth it, it might be time to take a break, move on to the next task, or change your approach.
7. Get feedback where possible. Avoid being locked into tunnel vision by regularly engaging others in what you’re doing. If you work in a company, involve your co-workers and manager to get their feedback. If you’re a solo creator, you can talk to friends and family, or share your ideas with industry peers and on forums. This prevents wasted effort from working on things that are not viable.

Final Word

Finally, regularly consider your goal in the context of other goals and priorities. Even if a goal is giving you productive gains now, it may be causing diminishing gains in other areas of your life, and as such your objective may not be to maximize these good gains.

For example, perhaps you are getting good financial gains and opportunities at work, but it is causing diminishing gains in your fulfillment and personal life (e.g., health, family). Here you may decide to switch focus to your personal life and cut back on your time spent at work, even though you are growing work-wise.

Case in point: Patrick Dempsey was a leading actor and the highest paid cast member on Grey’s Anatomy when he suddenly left the role in April 2015. The show was doing extremely well and in its 11th season then. So why did he leave? Even though Dempsey was experiencing great career growth and earning great money, he was burned out by the 10-month, 15-hour-a-day filming schedule. He said in an interview, “I think after a certain period of time, no matter how much money you make, you want control out of your own schedule.”^[2]

His marriage was also a driving point as his wife had filed for divorce months earlier in January 2015. “Our marriage was not something I was prepared to let go of,” he said. Knowing their marriage could end was a “scary” feeling. Through couples counseling, they reconciled and called off their divorce in 2016.^[3]

Know that there is a larger context which is your end objective and your other priorities in life. Your priorities can always change based on what’s going on in your life. You have to evaluate if you are still getting meaningful gains from what you are doing (e.g., money, happiness, fulfillment), or if it’s more rewarding to switch focus to something else (such as health, relationships, or family).

To You

The next time you engage in a task or activity, ask yourself:

1. Am I getting good gains, or am I getting diminishing returns?
2. Is the payoff justified by the additional input?
3. If the payoff is not worth it, it may be time to put a stop to this task or activity. Take a break, move on to the next task, or change your approach.

Learn to spot diminishing returns in your life and direct your effort accordingly to areas where you can get the most returns. This way you can get more out of life with the same time, effort, and resources. :)

Related posts:

• How To Overcome Perfectionism: A Complete Guide
• The Bike Shed Effect: How To Spend Time on the Right Things
• The 80/20 Principle: How To Achieve More With Less In Life (series)

Quick Note: I’m excited to share that the 2025 edition of Live a Better Life in 30 Days (30DLBL) is now out! 30DLBL is my 30-day program to live a better life and it’s a great tool to do a life audit, set goals, and move your life to a new trajectory. Here’s a comment from reader Sam:

“After working on 30DLBL for just a few days, I know what I have been lacking; the ability to envision my dreams and come up with a plan to achieve them. While my current goals may change with time, I feel more confident and in control knowing that at least, for now, I know where to focus my efforts.

Thank you so much Celes for creating this truly transformative, easy to follow guide! This is a game changer for anyone feeling stuck in a cycle of similar patterns and behaviours.”

If you’re experiencing diminishing returns from working on your personal growth from self-help resources, 30DLBL is a great way to jumpstart your growth. Read about 30DLBL here, or if you are a past buyer, learn how to get access here! Any questions? Let me know here. :)

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Have you heard of the bike shed effect before? Also known as Parkinson’s Law of Triviality, it’s the idea that people spend excessive time on trivial issues, while spending less time on complex, important ones.

Imagine a management committee who are given the plans for a nuclear power plant costing billions of dollars. The topic is complex and outside their expertise, so they approve it with little discussion.

They are then given the plans to build a bike shed. Everyone can visualize a bike shed, so they get into a nitpicking debate about what color to paint it. They end up spending much more time discussing the bike shed, even though the power plant is much more expensive!

In short, people tend to spend more time than needed on trivial issues out of comfort and familiarity, even though they should be completed quickly. The act of lingering and spending excess time on small issues, while neglecting the more difficult and important ones, is called “bikeshedding.”

Examples of Bikeshedding in Our Goals

While the concept of the bike shed effect is used in corporate and business contexts, it applies to personal growth too.

Here are some examples of bikeshedding in our goals:

• Individual: Spends excessive time thinking about whether to buy brown or black pants for work, while neglecting personal health issues
• Employee: Spends hours editing the formatting of a report, instead of improving the report content
• Software developer: Spends an overly long time choosing a perfect shade of blue for a button, rather than fixing a major performance issue
• Blogger: Rewrites their “About” page for the 20th time, instead of working on traffic building strategy after a recent Google update
• Business owner: Spends weeks perfecting logo, slogan, and namecards, and delays working on actual product development

It can also be observed in our relationships, like so:

• A couple spends excessive time discussing what to eat rather than their future goals.
• In a family with aging parents, spending hours talking about mundane topics while ignoring important and difficult topics like long-term care and estate planning.
• A parent spends more time than necessary thinking about what clothes to buy for the child, rather than the child’s mental health and emotional needs at school.

Reflect on your life today and you will easily see the bike shed effect at work.

For example, maybe you worry too much about a simple purchase decision (like choosing colors). You spend a lengthy amount of time along supermarket aisles, pondering whether to buy whole wheat bread or multi-grain bread. You stress out over whether to go to Country A or B for your vacation (or even between choosing Hotel A or B).

All this while, there are bigger and more complex topics in your life being neglected and left by the wayside, such as figuring out your career next steps, improving your health and diet, addressing emotional eating issues, sorting out financial issues, and planning for long-term financial goals. While the topics above (choosing colors, what product variant to buy, etc.) may seem important initially, fast forward a month or year — these discussions lose their significance.

 Can you relate to any of these examples?

Why Bikeshedding Happens

So why does this happen? There are a few reasons:

• Comfort. Simple tasks feel comfortable since they are easy to grasp and understand. Complex topics require us to spend a lot of time and mental energy to understand them, and this can be intimidating so we avoid them.
• Lack of expertise. People may feel that the big topics are beyond them and they lack the expertise to tackle the big decisions. So they just stick to the simple, easy topics.
• Risk of failure. There is a risk of failure involved with complex topics, with bigger consequences since they have higher stakes. So we avoid them to prevent failure and mistakes.
• Desire to contribute. When it comes to discussions, people like to feel involved and contribute their opinions. Simple topics let them do so easily as they are easy to understand and relate to.

Bikeshedding: A focus on the wrong things

Bikeshedding: Focusing on trivial things rather than important things (Image)

At its core, bikeshedding is an issue of time wastage and having a wrong focus. Spending too much time on the little things rather than the big, important topics.

Instead of channeling our resources into big-ticket items that will make the biggest difference to our goals and lives, we linger on little tasks for comfort. In turn, critical tasks and decisions get delayed or overlooked.

It’s also an issue of noise. Instead of properly discussing difficult topics with the biggest stakes, such as a nuclear power plant, we spend hours talking about low-stakes topics like what color to paint a bike shed. There is a false sense of productivity — a lot gets discussed, but there is little to no value added.

The answer is to learn to channel our time and energy to the important matters, and to spend the right time on the right things. So instead of spending time excessively on small to-dos, we want to spend time based on the importance and complexity of a topic, like so:

(Image: Personal Excellence)

How To Avoid Bikeshedding and Spend Time on the Right Things

So how can we avoid bikeshedding in our life and focus on the important nuclear power plant decisions in our life? Here are my 8 tips.

1. Be clear of the high-impact items in your life. Every day, start off with a list of your high-impact and low-impact tasks. High-impact tasks will make the most change and impact in your life when completed. Low-impact tasks are small, routine items that need to be done. (If you have Live a Better Life in 30 Days Program, read Day 8: Evaluate Your To-Do List.)
2. Allocate time to the tasks based on importance and complexity. Your high-impact tasks should get the most time and low-impact tasks should get the least time. Don’t fall into the bikeshedding trap, where small items get disproportionate time compared to big items.
3. Set time limits for small items (e.g., 5 minutes per item) so that they don’t balloon out of control. Remember that when it comes to the small stuff, the goal is good enough, not perfection. Achieve the key criteria, get it done to a good quality, and move on. Read: How To Overcome Perfectionism (series)
4. Pick one and go. If the decision doesn’t matter in the long run, then just pick any option and go. For you to feel conflicted over the choices, that usually means that the choices are likely pretty good and it’s not going to matter much which one you pick. So don’t spend hours debating a small thing endlessly — pick one and make the best out of it. Read: How To Stop Analysis Paralysis
5. Redirect focus to the important. Be aware when you are bikeshedding and redirect focus back to the important. Ask yourself: “Is this important? Will this affect me 1, 3, or 5 years from now? What’s at stake here? Are there more important things on the agenda to work on?” If there is nothing major at stake and it’s not going to affect you in the long-term, then it’s not all that significant and you shouldn’t be spending so much time on it in the first place. Take a quick break to reset focus if needed.
6. Engage the right people for your goals. The best way to avoid noise is to speak to the right people regarding your goals and tasks. Only involve people with a stake in the matter, who have expertise in the subject-matter, and/or who often shares helpful advice. Don’t share your goals with people who tend to be critical and offer pessimistic views.
7. Defer things for follow-up later. If a low-impact topic keeps dragging on and on, then defer it for follow up later. Take it offline or discuss it at a different time. You may see it with a fresh mind and make a faster decision then.
8. Seek expert opinion. We avoid the difficult topics because they are too intimidating, but remember that you don’t have to do this alone. Get help from people with subject-matter expertise. What kind of help do you need and where can you find these people? Search online, join related communities, ask around, engage professionals. These experts can bring clarity to the topic, reduce time wastage, clarify the options, and help you make a faster decision.

Do you see the bike shed effect in your life? How can you apply the 8 tips above and spend the right time on the right things? Let me know in the comments section. :)

The next time you see yourself fussing over a small task, ask yourself, “Am I building a bike shed or power plant?” Redirect your focus to the power plants in your life, and let go of the fixation on bike sheds. 🚲

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Note from Celes: Hi everyone! I just finished the latest edition of 30DLBL and I’m finally back to posting at the blog. Thank you to everyone who sent me a message since my last update — it means so much to me. I look forward to sharing more! :) ❤️

“Hi Celes, I often feel depressed and regretful about my lack of progress in life. Honestly I am angry and bitter about it. This creates a lot of anxiety for me and I think it’s a big source of my procrastination. What can I do about this?” — M

Have you ever felt depressed about your lack of progress in life? Do you wish that you could be doing more and achieving more?

If so, I totally understand. In my last update, I shared that I stepped away from my blog for the past few years to raise my baby and support my family through a series of challenges. During this time, my career came to a stop, and for a while I felt like I was making no progress in life.

But progress comes in many ways. Just because you feel like you haven’t made progress doesn’t mean that it’s true. If you have been feeling discouraged by a lack of progress lately, here are 5 things I want to share with you.

1) Redefine the meaning of progress

Firstly, define “progress.” What is progress to you? Is it to achieve huge success in your career? Earn lots of money? Buy a nice house? Travel around the world? Pursue your passion? Or something else?

Looking up the word “progress,” it means forward movement toward a destination.^[1] Perhaps you have a vision of where you want to be by age 30 or 40 or 50, such as to be at the peak of your career, earn lots of money, buy a nice house, and start a family.

Conventional society tells us to set big goals and pursue them relentlessly. While such big goal setting is important — I do it myself and teach it in my courses — there are times when it needs to take a back seat as other life areas (e.g., family and health) require our attention.

While it may look like you’re not progressing during these times, you are progressing, just in a different way. For example:

• Taking a work hiatus to raise your kids — that’s progress, in your family.
• Taking a break to address health issues — that’s progress, in your health.
• Taking time out to tackle personal problems — that’s progress, in your mental health and happiness.
• Taking time to overcome obstacles and setbacks — that’s progress in your goal and life as you learn about what works and doesn’t work.

My lack of progress in career (From life challenges)

In my 2024 update, I shared that I had to step back from my work for the past five years to support my family through a series of deep challenges. These included my mother-in-law’s illness and later passing, my husband’s health issues, raising my baby without help, and uprooting my life and moving my family overseas from Singapore to the UK, in the midst of a pandemic.

While my career came to a stop, I made progress in other ways.

• I see my child growing every day, and that’s progress to me.
• I see my husband growing in his career and improving in his health issues, and that’s progress to me too.
• I have also made progress in my health by uncovering the root cause of my health issues (which turned out to be toxic dental work such as mercury fillings and root canals), and learning about natural healing which I now use to heal myself.

Very importantly, I saw all these as a temporary hiatus to work on pressing life issues for the time being, with the end goal of returning to my passion — to grow and help you achieve your highest potential.

For you, what have you been working on? Family? Health? Relationships? Mental Health? There are many types of progress in life beyond career and financial growth. While society tends to focus on these two things, there are other things (e.g., family, health, relationships) that are just as important to live a meaningful life. The progress that you make in other areas is progress too, so remember that.

There are many areas that are important in our life, beyond career and money. Read: The Life Wheel (Image: Personal Excellence)

2) Recognize that life isn’t a straight line

(From: Your Plans vs. Universe’s Plans For You)

Many people expect to progress in life without major setbacks. Set a goal and get from Point A to Point B without issue. Celebrate. Rinse and repeat.

But life isn’t always a straight line. In life, there are ups and downs, setbacks and difficulties. The downs can be difficulties with a goal, or unexpected life obstacles such as illness, a painful breakup, or death and loss.

In case you think that everyone is having a great life, remember that what you see in the media and social media is often heavily filtered. Many people face difficulties, just that they don’t show it. In my 2024 update I shared that I have been working through family challenges and health issues caused by toxic dental work. Some of these issues are ongoing and it can be a struggle managing motherhood without help, working through my husband’s issues, and now returning to work in a highly challenging online environment (see Point #4).

Many celebrities face life challenges too, though most may not be sympathetic to their situations due to their immense success and wealth.

• Ashton Kutcher struggled with a rare disease that left him unable to see, hear, and walk for a year in 2020. He healed after treatment and physical training.^[2][3]
• Wendy Williams was a successful talk show host and lived a glamorous life in the 2010s. But she was dealing with her husband’s infidelity and alcohol addiction behind the scenes^[4][5], and is recently diagnosed with early-onset dementia.^[6][7]
• Kate Middleton is a public icon and looks picture perfect all the time, smiling and radiant. But in 2024 she shared that she had cancer at the age of 42 and was going through treatment^[8] (she is now in remission^[9]).

The media and social media tend to present an idealized image of people’s lives, which gives the impression that everyone’s life is perfect. The truth is that many people are going through obstacles, whether in health, relationships, family, money, or career. Know that you are not alone and we are all going through this together. ❤️

3) Goals take time (Set milestones)

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Many people think that goals can happen right away and become disappointed when they don’t. The reality is that goals take time. Depending on the goal, it can take weeks, months, or even years.

Evan Spiegel launched Snapchat in 2011 as a niche app for disappearing messages. It initially struggled to gain traction, due to intense competition from other established platforms like Facebook and Instagram. Spiegel and his team kept innovating, introducing new features like Stories and augmented reality lenses, before reaching mainstream success. Today, Snapchat is one of the top 10 social platforms with millions of users.^[10][11][12]

Snapchat’s daily active users over time (2014-2024) (Image)

Jack Ma faced many rejections over and over before founding Alibaba, an e-commerce company.

• When he applied for a job at KFC in 1995, he was the only person out of 24 applicants who didn’t get the job.
• He applied to Harvard 10 times but got rejected each time.
• He also applied to the police force and was the only one out of five applicants who didn’t get accepted.
• He had various failed business ventures, including a translation business, a directory service, and a restaurant.

In 1999, Ma started Alibaba and faced significant struggle as people were skeptical about online shopping then and the internet infrastructure in China was not developed. It took persistence to overcome these struggles, and today, Alibaba is a global corporation with over US$130 billion in annual revenue.^{[13][14][15][16][17]}

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A seed takes time to grow into a tree. A goal takes time as you work through its obstacles. Think of it as a journey. Break your goal down into small milestones, and then tackle them one by one.

E.g., if your goal is to create a successful podcast, rather than feel discouraged that your listener count isn’t skyrocketing, set milestones to get there. Such as getting your first 100 listeners, then 200 listeners, then 500 listeners, and so on.

Example: Milestones for a podcast goal (Image: Personal Excellence)

Know that there’s an incubation period for our goals — a period of time between taking action and seeing results. While it may seem like nothing is happening, something is happening. You just need to be patient while you work toward your goal.

If you can’t reach a milestone after some time, understand why. Do a review to see what’s working, what’s not working, and what to do differently. Then, try again. Keep improving your plan and it’s a matter of time before you see results.

Read: Days 5-7 of Live a Better Life in 30 Days (Create an Action Plan, Take Action, and Review)

4) Understand what’s causing the lack of progress

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If you have been facing too many setbacks, you feel burnt out, or you keep repeating the same mistakes, then you are likely hitting a wall.

Hitting a wall is a situation where you can’t progress no matter how hard you try. It can happen for various reasons, such as lacking the knowledge or skills to advance, having an ineffective strategy, not having a clear goal, or perfectionism. Stop to figure out what the issue is and address it.

My lack of progress in writing (Feeling disconnected from blogging)

After my daughter started school at 4.5 years old, I slowly resumed work while juggling my mom duties. While I was eager to reconnect with you guys and had so much to share, I faced a rut despite spending hours writing each week.

After digging into it, I realized that I was feeling disconnected from blogging as a platform. I started making websites in 1998 and PE in 2008, and the online space has changed so much — and not necessarily in a good way.

• In terms of web development, new things would roll out constantly, causing current things to break. I would constantly be fixing issues and code at my website. Managing a website has become overly complicated today, unlike in the early 2010s.
• Online exchanges have become highly negative and critical, when they used to be positive and encouraging. People just became very irritable and angry online, and this is reflected in the comments and emails I would get via PE.
• While the internet used to be a place where people formed meaningful connections and discovered new things, now it’s filled with bots, spam, and profit-driven businesses. The online world has become a huge, commercialized marketplace, and we have become a product constantly targeted at by ads, algorithms, and businesses.
• There is now a proliferation of AI content in recent years, with AI bots being built on the stolen work of artists and blogs like PE, without giving credit.
• Google and social media algorithms have shifted to prioritize big brands and sponsored content.^[18] Big Tech have taken over the online space, and not in a good way.

I’ve written about these issues over the years:

• Challenges I’m Facing Today (2018)
• Closing Blog Comments at PE (2015)
• Closure of PE Forums (2016)
• Feeling Disconnected (2016)
• How To Deal With Disillusionment As You Grow Older (2017)
• Why I Deleted My Facebook Page With 20,800 Likes (2016)
• Why I Deleted My Twitter Account With 7,000 Followers (2018)

Having been online since the 1990s, I feel that the internet has become sterile, negative, and over-commercialized, compared to the past when it was a space for authentic conversations and positive learning.

Feeling disconnected from the online world (Image)

There is also a huge backlog of work from my time away. Tons of content to update. Things to change in my business due to changes in the online space. New tax laws and regulations to learn as I have moved to a different country. And juggling of endless mom duties without family help, and a conflict between these duties and what I need to do to build a successful blog/business.

There is no easy fix and it’s about understanding the issues and working on them step by step.

One big step I have taken is to go back to the basics. To focusing on connecting with you. Just you. Just like when I first started.

In the past months, I did major restructuring of my business, cut out redundant costs, and simplified my website backend to return to my core focus of writing. I have been updating many past articles at PE, and just finished a big update of 30DLBL. I’ve also reopened blog comments (as a trial) and will see how it works out — I miss connecting with you guys. 🌺

Whether it’s AI, bots, or spam, my end goal is to support you in your growth. All these are just noises and I need to find ways to push them away. And I feel excited to return to writing and connecting with you all. :)

To You

If you have been facing a lack of progress for a while, stop to examine what’s going on. Ask yourself, “What’s blocking me? What’s preventing me from move forward?” Identify the issue(s) and work on addressing it.

Some ideas to break the wall:

1. Reexamine your goal. Sometimes circumstances change and goals become outdated. Maybe your goal no longer interests you or it’s unrealistic with your current situation. Check to see if it needs changing. Read: When Goals Stop Working
2. Change your approach. If you have been doing the same thing with no results, maybe something is wrong with your methods. Review and see what’s working and not working. Study the people who are doing well. Talk to others to get new perspective. Improve your plan, and then try again.
3. Learn new knowledge and skills. Lacking knowledge and skills when tackling a complex goal will naturally lead to a roadblock. Adopt a growth mindset. For example the online landscape has changed so much and I am now learning AI tools and new editing software to get up to speed. What skills do you need in this goal? Attend courses, research, learn from experts, and learn from practice. Read: Skills Development and Level Up
4. Take a step back. Being too close to something can cause tunnel vision, mental fatigue, and burnout. Take a step back and take a break to get fresh perspective and ideas. Getting a change of environment can also help.
5. Find a support network. Connect with people pursuing the same goal — they provide support, insights into problems, and ideas and solutions. Join groups related to your goal online (Facebook, Reddit) and offline (Meetup.com) if possible. I’m part of various blogging communities and they are helpful for troubleshooting and getting insights to issues I’m facing. Read: Day 25: Create Your Success Network of Live a Better Life in 30 Days
6. Let go of perfection. Don’t let the need for perfection hinder your progress. Aim for a good enough level and improve it over time. Read: How To Overcome Perfectionism (series)

Some of these issues may be deep-seated or complex, and take time to fix. That’s okay. It is progress to start somewhere. Know that slow progress in addressing deeper issues will still lead to bigger changes than trying to tackle your goal at a low level and making no progress.

5) Take baby steps. As long as you’re taking steps forward, it’s progress.

I know it can feel depressing when you have a big goal and don’t see progress day after day. Ideally, we want to set big goals and take big actions to achieve big results.

But there are times when taking big action simply isn’t possible, due to life circumstances. Perhaps you’re a parent to young kids, you’re dealing with health issues, you’re a caregiver to another, or your day job takes up significant time and energy. In these situations, it’s better to focus on one small thing a day.

Meaning, if you want to lose weight, make one good food choice a day. If you want to work on your blog, work on one thing in your plan, whether it’s editing your website or writing a new post. If you want to create a video channel, consider short-form videos on Tiktok or YouTube Shorts.

Do the small things and do them well. If you think it’s a waste of time, it’s not — the little changes you make add up to create huge changes in the long run. It all starts with what you do today. Some days you may be overwhelmed and not want to do anything, and that’s okay.

The more important thing is what you do on most days than not.

(From: The Emotional Journey of Creating Anything Great [Infographic])

Know that what you’re going through now is the trough of goal achievement. It can be difficult, painful, and boring.

But you can do it. I know you can. Things are tough now and many people are experiencing difficulties — rising cost of living, financial stresses, job security issues, burnout, juggling work and family, etc. — so you are not alone.

The important part is to (1) recognize that a lull in life can happen to anyone, and (2) equip yourself with the tools to work through them. Know that you are not a failure nor are you inadequate. A lull or lack of progress is what it is, and as you take the steps to work through it, it is matter of time before you see the results you seek.

Read:

• The Power of Little Changes
• If you cannot do great things now, start by doing small things in a great way

End Note

Are you facing a lack of progress? How can you apply the tips above?

Note from Celes: If you have been facing a lack of progress in life, check out Live a Better Life in 30 Days (30DLBL), my 30-day program to live a better life. It’s a great tool to do a life audit, set goals, and plan ahead. I did 30DLBL recently and it was great in helping me get clarity and create a roadmap for 2025 and beyond.

The 2025 edition of Live a Better Life in 30 Days is now out! I have updated the full course and rewrote many tasks, plus added a new task (Day 22) on limiting beliefs. Read about 30DLBL here, or if you are a past buyer, learn how to get access here! Questions? Let me know here.

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“If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way.” — Martin Luther King, Jr

Sometimes, we see others’ successes and feel discouraged. Like so-and-so just launched a book and it hit bestseller lists. Or so-and-so launched a product and it achieved sold-out status.

So we set a high bar for ourselves and strive to do the same, if not better. We set high expectations on who we should be and what we should do, and push ourselves to achieve that.

Except that it doesn’t always work out. It fails as we become weighed down by the enormity of our goal, and stressed by the need to do great things, we do… nothing.

Days turn into weeks, then months, and nothing happens as we hold onto our grand goal, waiting for the perfect moment to work on it. “We’ll do it when we have the time, we say.

If this is happening to you now, know this: If you cannot do great things right now for whatever reason — maybe you are in a full-time job, or you are being a full-time parent, or you are stuck in a life circumstance — then start by doing small things in a great way.

This means,

• If your goal is to start a food channel, then start by perfecting your recipes in your own kitchen.
• If your goal is to develop the next big app, then start by developing simple tools that solve people’s pain points.
• If your goal is to be a best-selling author, then start by refining your writing skills through short-form writing like blog articles.
• If your goal is to be a YouTuber, then start by creating simple videos that convey your ideas well.

Whatever big goal you’ve been putting off, ask yourself: What is a small thing I can do well now?

It’s so easy to overlook the small things in favor of the big goal. But your results in the long term are built on the little steps you take today.

• An athlete wins the race because he has spent each day following his workout regime.
• A singer achieves her big break because she has performed many small gigs which helped hone her vocals and develop her stage presence. Stefani Germanotta played at gigs and performed at clubs around New York before being discovered in 2006. She later adopted the moniker Lady Gaga, won 13 Grammys, and became one of the world’s best-selling music artists.^[1]
• A writer becomes a best-selling author because he has spent years building his expertise and writing skills. Malcolm Gladwell is the author of five The New York Times bestsellers, including The Tipping Point. Before he wrote his first book, he worked as a reporter for nine years, covering business and science, and later at The New Yorker. There, he wrote two articles “The Tipping Point” and “The Coolhunt,” which gained prominence and formed the basis for his first book — The Tipping Point.^[2][3]
  Gladwell said regarding his writing, “I was a basket case at the beginning, and I felt like an expert at the end. It took 10 years—exactly that long.”^[4]

We are, in essence, not what we will do someday. We are what we do today, and we become who we want to be through the things we do every day.

If you think that doing small things well today may not seem like a great deal, well, consider this: a 1% improvement each day, done for 365 days, leads to a 37-times improvement.^[5]

• (1 + 1%)³⁶⁵ = (1.01)³⁶⁵ = 37.78

This means that your little improvement may not seem like a big deal to you, but when done over time, will bring you to where you want to be.

It starts by first committing to the small things and doing them well.

Remember, it is not that big goal that you’re going to work on at some point that matters. It is what you do now, today. The small things you do determine what you become.

So what is a small thing you can do today? And how can you do this small thing in a great way?

Read: The Power of Little Changes

Imagine my surprise when the CEO responded to me directly:

“Celes, you probably don’t remember but you coached me during some of my tough times. You and Tony Robbins helped me tremendously. You helped me do the limitless. :) ” — Deep

Surprised, I quickly scanned my mind for all the clients I’ve worked with before. Deep? From 2009? The details came flooding back. I recalled that Deep had signed up for my coaching 8 years ago in 2009. At that time he was a manager at a top bank, but felt empty with his work and life. During our sessions, we worked on finding his life direction, creating his career vision, and building his business plan, among other things.

After our sessions ended, Deep left his job and freed himself from his baggage. He traveled for a year, worked on his personal growth, and then started to build a software, which led him to found his company today. With over 15 million orders processed, he is helping thousands of business owners today, and the number continues to grow.

Planting Seeds

When I looked back at our coaching logs in 2009, it’s remarkable to see Deep’s vision turn into reality. Here’s what he wrote back then:

• His life vision: “To generate enormous wealth to help the human community.”
• His business vision: “To make awesome tools, information products, and online marketplaces to help small business owners across the world. To be a preferred choice for all our clients, customers and partners.”

This is exactly what he is doing now.

It got me thinking about the concept of planting seeds. How a seemingly small action can blossom and lead to some unimaginable, amazing outcome later.

Corn seeds, ready to be planted into the soil (Image)

For Deep, when he decided to act on his emptiness in life, he didn’t have a big brand plan to start a world-class business. He just wanted clarity on what to do next. He planted his first seed — to act on his unhappiness. His second seed was when he took the leap of faith to sign up for my coaching. After all, he didn’t know me personally, and the only thing he knew about me was through my articles.

During one of our sessions, I told him: “Don’t restrict yourself with your situation in life. Don’t worry about whether something is possible, realistic or logical. Just imagine this as your anything-goes menu where you can order anything you want from the universe.”

This really struck him. Following this direction, he opened his heart, wrote his vision and was extremely inspired by what he wrote. This was the third seed planted.

Subsequently, we discussed other things during our calls, including his goals, values, and plans. These planted seeds would germinate and grow into his company today, with him being the CEO of a team of 12 employees across the United States and India.

It is the same for other goals in life. Every goal, no matter how big, starts off as a seed.

• Dating — You want to meet the love of your life. It starts by clearing your limiting beliefs surrounding love. Then opening your heart to others. Then meeting new people. Then building relationships. Then assessing the right guy/girl, if the connection is for you. These are some of the things I teach in Soulmate Journey, my course on finding love, and some of my participants have been updating me on their new-found relationships and upcoming nuptials.
• Friendship — Having best friends you can rely on doesn’t happen overnight. It starts by being there for others first. Giving without expecting to receive. Being responsive. Making the effort to maintain your friendships. 
• Health — Having good health doesn’t come from exercising and eating healthily for one single day. It’s something that you build over time. Choosing healthy over unhealthy food each day. Choosing to be active. Many seeds planted over a long period, every day.
• Family — Having positive family relationships takes time, especially if your family relationships aren’t perfect to begin with. Caring for them. Doing little acts of kindness. I had a client who made the decision to work on her estranged relationship with her mom. One year after our coaching, their relationship is now in a much more positive place, where they talk with love and understand each other more.
• Career — Getting an amazing job doesn’t happen overnight. You have to first plan your career. Build your skills and talent stack. Then network and build relationships with industry peers, recruiters, and headhunters.
• Business — Same for a successful business. It starts with a vision. Then taking an endless series of steps to build your empire. Making endless iterations, adapting every second. Being open to failure and criticism, because these will always be there no matter what you do.

For each seed, you nurture it by giving water, warmth and sunlight. As you do that, it grows into a seedling. Then a plant. Then a sapling. Then a tree.

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The tree here refers to what you want to achieve — run a successful business, have a great career, have a great relationship, have great friends, have great health, be financially abundant, be a prominent figure in your field, have your TV/talk show, move overseas, travel around the world, or some other goal.

The seeds here refer to your first steps to make your goal happen.

Many people often look at the trees, wondering when they are going to get that. Nice, big, gorgeous trees that they want in their garden.

But that’s missing the point. The critical point is not the manifestation of the trees, but the planting of the seeds. Because if you are not planting seeds, how can the trees grow? How can you expect to get results, when you have not put in the effort to get things moving?

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Planting Seeds in Your Life

This brings me to these questions:

1. What goals have you been meaning to pursue, but are putting off? In Love? Health? Carer? Business? Family? Friendships? Pick two areas.
2. What is the first seed you can plant to get it going?
3. How about the next 3 seeds? What can you do to keep this momentum going?

Say you want to switch to a career in Machine Learning. However, your past experience and skills are not in this area. A possible seed you can plant is to take up a course in Machine Learning. I have a friend who is doing a two-year Masters course in Machine Learning for this very reason — to switch to this field after he graduates. 

If you have an aptitude for programming, you can self-learn with free materials online and tools like TensorFlow. You can develop open-source tools using machine learning, get user feedback and market results (e.g. X number of downloads, featured on XYZ magazine), and highlight these achievements in your resume as validation of your skills in this area. This is exactly what my husband did in the past year, though in a different field, and he’s now able to pivot and switch his career to this new field.

Or say you want to get married at some point. You are 35, single, and constantly tied up with work. Maybe a good first step is to draw some boundaries with work. Stop working all the time and create a cutoff. Set aside a few hours each week to meet new people. Examine if you have inner blocks to love, which is very common for long-standing singles, and engage a coach to help you address these blocks. Staying immersed in work, without opening yourself to others, will not help you get into your dream relationship.

Not all the seeds that we plant will blossom. Sometimes there are seeds that just don’t germinate. For example, when you reach out to a friend to build a connection, but it’s not reciprocated. When you want to build a relationship with someone, but he/she is not interested. When you start a project and put in the due effort, but it doesn’t turn out the way you want. When you try to help someone, but get a negative or lukewarm response. When you open your heart and trust someone, but he/she bites you in the head.

But that doesn’t matter. Not all actions will lead to results. But some will. The goal is to plant as many seeds as possible in pursuing your goal. To plant the right seeds by getting advice from the right people and sources, because these shape your day-to-day thinking and long-term direction. To create so many avenues and possibilities for success, that success is imminent. To never stop taking action.

So… what seeds do you need to start planting? Can you get started right away today? Because the sooner you plant your seeds, the sooner you water them and care for them, the faster they will germinate, grow, and blossom. And how your future will be, 10, 15 years down the road will be shaped by the seeds you plant today.

Talent stack is a concept coined by Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comic. It’s the idea that you can combine normal skills until you have the right kind to be extraordinary.

An example is Scott himself. He’s not the best artist — there are better artists than him. He’s not much of a business expert — there are more savvy experts. He has never taken a college-level writing class. Yet, he created Dilbert, a famous comic strip that appears in 65 countries.^[1] Scott is said to have a net worth of $75 million, majority of which comes from Dilbert.^[2]

As he says, “When you add in my ordinary business skills, my strong work ethic, my risk tolerance, and my reasonably good sense of humor, I’m fairly unique. And in this case that uniqueness has commercial value.”

Understanding how a talent stack works is important. Normally, people think that success comes from developing talent in one skill. This works well in some fields. In medicine, the natural progression is to pick a specialty. In sports, you train to become best in your field, like Tiger Woods (golf) and Michael Jordan (basketball). In acting, you develop the best acting chops, like Robert De Niro and Morgan Freeman.

But besides becoming world-class in one skill, talent can come from having a unique stack of skills that no one else has. You can utilize different skills to create value in a way no one else can, thus becoming one-of-a-kind in your own league.

More Examples of Talent Stack

Lisa Elfridge is a celebrity make-up artist on YouTube. She was already known prior to starting her website and YouTube channel. But after she started her channel focusing on beauty and makeup tips, her authority and success rose to a whole new level.^[3]

Reason? She is one of her kind in her field.

• Celebrity makeup artists work with their clients for photo shoots, appearances. They don’t publish their work online. Most of their self-marketing happens offline, through networking, connections, etc.
• On the other hand, online makeup gurus generally show how they do their own makeup. But they are not professionally trained. They cannot give professional advice on what is the best makeup for different skin tones, or for skin that is not like theirs.

Lisa has a unique talent stack to navigate the ultra-competitive beauty space:

1. Makeup skills. She has professional makeup skills.
2. Industry knowledge. She has real experience working with celebrities.
3. Presentation skills. She communicates her makeup tips in an easy-to-understand way. White backdrop, no frills or production gimmicks. No music. Just her and her beauty tips.
4. Video creation skills. She knows how to create professional-looking videos, or at the least she hires people with the right skills.

People in the celebrity makeup world have the first two skills. Online makeup gurus have the latter two skills. But Lisa is able to harness all four skills, hence becoming extraordinary in her field. That’s her talent stack.

Example: Blogging

When I started my blog, I was not much of a writer — I have never taken a professional writing class. I have average web design skills. I have good marketing and business strategy skills. I have very strong analytical skills. And I have a strong passion for growth.

Put these together and I was able to create a coaching business that thrives despite stiff competition. My blend of skills is strong enough to stand out in the market:

1. Marketing and business strategy. Most web business owners do not have professional marketing knowledge. What was common sense to me, in marketing my business, was alien to everyone else. After entering the field, I realized no one really knew what they were doing in terms of business strategy and management. Many bloggers were just randomly blogging but no one was thinking about their blog as a strategic platform for their business, not until the 2010s when the commercial potential for blogging became obvious.
2. Design and coding. Many web business owners do not have web design or coding knowledge. In the end, they get stuck with technical issues as running a web business has become super complicated today. You can hire a designer but you get stuck in the to-and-fro and trying to convey your ideas to them. Even when paying high fees for good designers, there’s still a gap between intention and execution. And that’s not even talking about ongoing maintenance which is part of any website today.
3. Coaching. My coaching has a unique edge because I can analyze and break down intricate problems, with a focus on solving issues by tackling their root cause. On the other hand, most coaches provide surface solutions and some form of emotional support, but their clients continue to deal with the same problems becauss the root issue is never addressed.
4. Writing. I am an average writer, but at the very least my writing is passable and good enough for blog articles. I’m also constantly working on my writing skills.
5. Analytical skills. For everything else, my ability to learn and analyze things helps me fill the gap.

Since starting my blog, I have built new skills to further stand out from the competition: public speaking, podcasting, video editing, and networking skills. With a diverse mix of skills, I’m able to stay ahead despite constant market changes.

How a Talent Stack Works

A talent stack works in this way:

• You leverage on the skills that you have to create an edge. Marketing, networking, technical, design, etc.
• Even if you don’t have a skill, you can learn it to set yourself apart from others.
• You mix seemingly normal skills together and become extraordinary in your own right.

Example: Recruitment

Let’s say you are a software engineer. You are great in your field. You design and develop software with ease. However, you are stuck in a job that pays you almost the same amount every year.

Many software engineers are technically competent but lack the savviness to market themselves. They are simply not taught how to market themselves in engineering and computing classes. A possible talent stack here can be:

• Technical. You already have this skill if you’re a software developer.
• Networking. You form positive relationships with people across the organization. You have high visibility among the management. You form relationships with recruiters, headhunters, and peers in different industries to expand your job options. You know how to use Linkedin to connect with industry peers and get potential job offers.
• Presentation. You can present yourself well, and your ideas eloquently.
• Marketing. You know how to market yourself and sell your strengths. Your resume is filled with achievements but not responsibilities. You know how to present your skills and job history in the best way.

You don’t need to be the best in networking/presentation/marketing. Just knowing some networking, presentation, and marketing skills puts you at a sweet spot, ahead of others. Because everyone else (in your field) lacks these skills.

One of my recent clients is a technical developer. In the past year, he learned different technical skills (that are emerging in the market now) to widen his skills set. Doing so increased his appeal as a job candidate. At the same time, we worked on his self-marketing skills — giving his resume an overhaul, focusing on achievements rather than responsibilities, learning to position his skills and capabilities. He also began networking — with recruiters, headhunters, industry peers — to get himself out there.

In the end, he got a job offer that paid him 60% more than his previous job.

If he didn’t upgrade himself, chances of such an attractive job switch are virtually zero. He would be locked in his current company, subjected to the offer presented by his company. In fact this was what happened in his previous jobs. But because of his skill sets, he can navigate the industry easily and get the best offer. He’s not the best marketer. He’s not the best networker. But having decent skills in these are enough to put him ahead.

The goal of a talent stack is to stack different skills to create a sweet spot. A sweet point that dramatically raises your value in a competitive field. This applies whether you are a blogger, salaried employee, business owner, baker, software developer, coach, or something else.

3 Questions to You

My questions to you:

1. What industry are you in? Blogging? Health and fitness? IT? Coaching? Online business? YouTube? Others?
2. In your industry, what skills do people compete on?
3. Given that everyone has these skills in #2, what new skills can you learn to 10X your market value?

Another Example: Music

For example, electronic music tends to be very loud music that is used for raves, nightclubs, and festivals. Kitarō is different. He uses electronic and other instruments to create instrumental, East Asian music that is soothing and pleasing to the ear. In the American music industry, his music is a refreshing change.

He is not the best synthesizer player. He’s not the best flute player or drummer. But his ability to integrate western style of music with eastern elements makes him one of the most prominent musical acts of New-Age music, with more than 100 million copies of his 50 albums sold worldwide.^[4] Kitarō’s talent stack lies in his synthesizer skills, his general knowledge in music (self-taught), his familiarity with the Eastern culture (he was born into a family of Shinto-Buddhist farmers), and his connection with nature (he lives in the mountains to get inspiration for his music).^[5][6][7]

Wrapping Up

What new skills can you learn? If you have absolutely no idea what to learn, some true-north skills that are great for stacking are:

• Public speaking
• Marketing
• Coding (Because the world today is so digitized)
• Social media marketing
• Business management
• Whatever you are passionate about

Again, you don’t need to be the best in every skill. Simply learning a new skill opens up so many options. For some, learning and combining different skills may be the answer to discover your passion and talent — rather than something that you discover by sitting around and waiting for life to happen.

Read:

• What To Do When You Have Too Many Passions
• Skills Development
• The Market Leader Effect

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“Hi Celes, I recently recovered from what my college counselor referred to as an ‘identity crisis.’ I went to school for a teaching degree for the majority of my college years with hopes to pursue a ‘stable’ job and have a decent life, or at least I was told by my parents (I have very traditional and authoritative parents).

However, during the last semester of my senior year, I made the decision to quit and graduate with a non-teaching degree because I realized how unhappy I was trying to enter a profession that I had little to no passion for. I do not regret this and am relieved to have made the decision for myself. However, this led to a series of conflicts between my parents and I. They feel that by not obtaining a degree with a “professional” title, I was giving up the opportunity for a stable full-time job and I will never be financially stable unless I return to school.

Currently, I work in two part-time jobs that I really enjoy with an income of around $1500/ monthly but I feel the pressure financially, having to contribute to my family’s new house, which I still live in.

I am currently doing Live a Better Life in 30 Days to rediscover myself, reading career books, saving money, etc. with the hopes that one day I will discover what I want to pursue in life, and move closer to my purpose. However, I feel stuck by the fact that my parents have an agenda of their own for me…. Go to school — Earn money to support the family — Marry…

I am at a point in my life (22) where I want to see and experience more of what is out in the world, moving away from the obedient child I once was. But what can I do about my parents’ limiting behavior towards my plans and vision? I have communicated numerous times of my plans and visions but every time they just brush me off…. What is your advice on dealing with parents who hold you back and disallow change when you want to make a change?” — Ting

Hi Ting, I can empathize with your situation. What you’re going through is something that many in their 30s and 40s, and not just their 20s, face. While we may face restriction from our parents growing up, for others this restriction can come from others, such as an unsupportive spouse, unsupportive teachers, and naysayer friends. But unlike negative friends we can distance or cut off, cutting off family ties isn’t exactly logical. While most of us love our parents, it’s very demoralizing when your own kin is unsupportive of your dreams.

When Your Parents Don’t Support Your Goals

When I told my parents I was quitting my job to start my business, my parents objected strongly. Their initial reaction was,

“You won’t have any income, NO!”

“Starting a business is very risky, you shouldn’t do it!”

“Your job is so good with a great pay, why do you want to quit???”

“Having a job gives you CPF; CPF is good!” (CPF is a compulsory savings plan in Singapore, partly meant for retirement needs.)

Their comments didn’t faze me since I had already made up my mind, and I wasn’t looking for approval. I told them that I knew what I was doing, that I wasn’t sharing my plans with them for their approval, but to inform them. At the same time, I understood their concerns regarding financial stability, which I had already factored into my business plan.

After 9 months or so, my parents stopped dissuading me. After my first or second year, they roughly understood that I was doing this for life. It’s been 10 years, and for the past 8 years, they’ve never probed nor asked me to do anything different. In my family, when you don’t get negative criticism or vehement discouragement, that means acceptance.

Similarly, when I told them about my plan to travel around the world, to switch to a vegetarian diet, among other plans, they would disapprove vehemently at first. But after a while of pushing forward, asserting myself, and moving forward with my goal, they would come to accept them.

So what do you do when your parents don’t support your goals? If you have unsupportive parents, here are my 9 tips:

1. Understand your parents’ concerns. Even though our parents may seem like a nag, they usually come from a good place, with a good reason for objecting vs. them objecting for the sake of it.

   For example, say your parents object to your career choice. Try to understand why. Ask yourself, “Why?” Why do they object to your new career path? → Because they feel that you won’t earn a good and stable income. Why is this important? → Because income stability is important in life. → Why? Because many things in life (housing choices, day-to-day living, and life options) depend on money, at least in our current world. Your parents, being older, have likely seen the problems that come with financial instability, which makes them resistant when they see you walking down a potentially negative path.

   In another example, say your parents are fixated on you being a banker, accountant, or engineer, and become disapproving when you opt for a different degree. Why? Because they feel that these careers will give you financial stability. Is it true? Maybe not entirely, but they probably think this way because of what they hear from other parents and from reading the news. This mindset is very common among Asian parents. It doesn’t mean that banking/engineering/accountancy are the only financially stable careers, or that everyone in such jobs are financially stable (no to both), but that these are simply careers that your parents were taught to associate with financial stability.

   Of course, many parents tend to miss the other half of the picture. A career is more than just about the money, but about your interest too. They may think that you can’t earn good money with your new life path, but maybe they are wrong and you will be even more successful doing this. They may think that a particular diet is inferior but research may indicate otherwise. But understanding your parents’ concerns, and making sure that you address them in your plans, is an important first step to bridging the gap.

2. Talk to them. Perhaps you tried talking to your parents to no avail. But try again. This time, apply these tips:
   • Understand, don’t accuse. Don’t start off with an accusation, but focus on understanding. For example, don’t go, “You are so close-minded” or “You’re always objecting to everything I do!” Rather, ask, “Can you let me know why you disapprove of [this goal]?” Then listen without bias. Understand as best as you can, by asking questions and listening to their side of the story.
   • Allay their concerns. After understanding the full picture, allay their concerns. If they object to your career because (a) they are afraid you’ll face financial stability and (b) they don’t want you to suffer in life, let them know your career plans, how you plan to safeguard your finances, and your backup plan if things don’t work out. Let them know that you are not doing this on a whim, but you have things mapped out. (If you don’t, work out a plan first then!) If they object to your new diet because they think it is flawed, then let them know why this isn’t so. If your parents are close-minded, this will likely not be wrapped up in just one discussion, but at least you can get the discussion going.
   • Educate your parents. We grew up in a different era from our parents. My parents grew up in a world where there were no computers and internet. They are fluent in Mandarin and Hokkien; they don’t read/write English. On the other hand, the internet is part and parcel of my life. My entire business is built online. 90% of my daily communication is in English. Because the world has changed immensely, it has naturally led to different behaviors, mindsets in just one generation. And that’s fine, because it’s about educating your parents of these changes. Even though our parents may be outdated in their thoughts, it’s about updating them on what’s happening.

     As best as possible, explain to your parents what you are doing, why you are doing this. Let them know that a career is more than just about financial stability, and there are other things like personal happiness and fulfillment involved. Let them know why your career choice isn’t scary, and show them examples of people who have pursued similar paths and succeeded (gather newspaper clippings, print outs from news sites, etc.). In fact, do this regularly. If they only read Chinese/Malay/Tamil/other languages, then look for stories in these languages and print them out.

     Similarly, if they object to your diet, educate them on the benefits of this diet, and people who have thrived on this diet. Show them examples of Olympian medalists and body builders who actually consume such a diet 24/7. Show them the scientific health benefits of your new diet, and examples of people living to ripe old ages, with great health, following such a lifestyle.

     The more you do this, the more they will realize that there is a whole different world out there, and there is more for them to learn.

3. Get a third party to chime in. When it’s just you vs. them, your parents may not take your words seriously. This is especially so with Chinese parents, where the implicit belief is that children know nothing and wisdom comes with age. If your friends have met your parents before, and/or you are on good terms with your parents’ confidants (like your aunt, uncle, grandparents), talk to them. Explain your goal and why it’s important. Have them chime in about it to your parents, and the pros of doing so, so they can get an alternate view. When it’s a different person speaking, your parents may be more open to listen.
4. Assert yourself. If your parents keep objecting, draw a line and make a stance. Let them know, “I understand you are doing this for my own good, but I have done my research and I have addressed the potential issues. I want to try this out. I hope you can support me, Papa/Mama.” If career is the area of conflict, let them know, “While money is important, it’s also important that I do what I like. I want to discover my path and I will work hard to earn good income at the same time. So please don’t worry, Papa/Mama. I know what I’m doing and I will make you proud.”
5. Know that you don’t need your parents’ approval. To begin with, the success of your goal is not contingent on your parents’ approval. Unless your parents are cutting you off, like throwing you out of the house or cutting off your allowance (if you’re still financially dependent), you can still pursue your path without their blessing. If they constantly discourage you, assert yourself. If you work from home, work in co-working spaces (where you can get good support). Or in very severe objection cases, move out if it is an option, to get some space until your plans take off.
6. Less talk, more action. All talk is pointless if there are no results. If you’ve tried talking but your parents don’t listen, devote yourself to your goal. Let your results speak for themselves. With each discouragement, use it as ammunition to spur yourself to achieve more results. You want your parents to trust you, so show them why you deserve their trust by bringing your plans to live.
7. Update them on your little successes. Your parents won’t know the merits of your choice unless you show them. Whenever you get what I call “success easter eggs,” show them to your parents. For example, when you get your first check, show it to them. When you get a great customer feedback, let them know. When you positively change someone’s life because of your work, let them know. Same for when you get new clients. Or say if traveling is your goal, show them pictures of your different travels, and what you learned in each travel. Or if diet is your goal, and you’ve lost weight and improved on your health metrics since embarking on your new diet, show them these results.

   When my parents started seeing my success — checks coming in the mail, my media interviews and appearances, my continuous work assignments, etc. — they stopped asking me about my new business. They began to understand that I got the ball in my court, and there is no need to worry about me.

8. Get them on board. Show them what you are learning/doing to get them on board. If running your business is your goal, keep them posted on your latest projects, next steps, and upcoming milestones. If becoming a travel writer is your goal, show them your travels, your assignments, pictures, etc. We tend to resist what we don’t know, and when we know more about something, we start to understand that it’s not so scary. When your parents learn more about your path through your actions, they’ll start to be less judgmental and negative, and become more understanding and supportive.
9. Show that you can thrive and realize your needs despite following a different path. The ultimate step to showing the merit of your path is when you show that you are still alive, day after day, despite doing what they thought would be immensely dangerous. Or better still, thrive in it. Being happy every day. Being in charge of your life, and being clear on your goals and plans. Achieving financial success. Being recognized for your work. Making positive change. Not doing anything that would make your parents worry. Showing that you are a wise adult who can now do well in his/her life without any intervention.

Remember, Your Parents Love You

At the end of the day, remember that your parents love you. If they don’t care about you, they wouldn’t bother objecting to what you do at the risk of jeopardizing your relationship with them.

So don’t hate them. Don’t rag on them. Use their objection as an honest source of feedback. I have many articles in my Goal Achievement section on how to achieve your goals in a systematic, strategic manner. If pursuing your passion is your goal, I’ve written extensively on this in my How To Pursue Your Passion (series).

It will take time for them to change their mind, but when they see you succeeding in your path, and feeling happy and fulfilled doing so, they will realize that you are no longer a little boy/girl who requires their constant intervention, worry, and control. They will realize that you have matured into a wise adult who has blossomed and created his/her path in life and knows what he/she is doing. That’s when they start to be more hands off and give you the space to grow and come into your own. ♥

Also check out:

• How To Deal With Unsupportive Friends and Family
• How To Improve Your Relationship With Your Parents (series)
• My History With Anger and How I Let Go of It, Part 1: Growing Up in a Household of Anger

New Release: Be a Better Me in 30 Days!

I’m excited to announce the launch of the upgraded version of Be a Better Me in 30 Days, my 30-day character transformation program! The material has been hugely upgraded, with the guidebook expanding from 230 pages to 308 pages, over 100 participant verbatims added in, workbook updated, and many parts heavily rewritten. 

If you haven’t gotten the program, read about 30BBM here, read the FAQs, or head straight to checkout. Just some testimonials from past 30BBM users:

“Celes, I just want to say that the simple methods you offer in 30BBM have been transformative for me, and I’m in my 50s. People are seeing more change faster than I can imagine.” — Carlene Byron, U.S.

“…The best part was when two separate family members, who had no idea I was doing 30BBM, commented on how much I have changed. The fact that they noticed a change proves that 30BBM has really worked for me.” — Kimberly, Canada

“My boyfriend said to me last night, ‘You seem so much happier recently. Do you think it’s the Personal Excellence work you’ve been doing?’ I told him it almost certainly is. He told me how I seem so much more balanced and calm, and just generally happier. I was so happy to hear that! :D ” – Sarah, United Kingdom

“The whole experience was far beyond my expectations, and I was expecting a lot. From this program, (1) I have learned to use a lot of powerful tools and learned how to face my fears and overcome them. (2) Made huge strides in overcoming negative traits. It is truly amazing to see that I have begun to earnestly be organized, disciplined, focused, purposeful, and a better friend and family member. (3) I am truly striving towards my ideal self and embodying ideal traits. AND, I do not see this as done. I am so looking forward to seeing myself step up the ladder and become a better me.” — Claire R

Thank you to everyone who has purchased the upgraded 30BBM — enjoy the program and your character transformation journey! :) Any questions on 30BBM, let me know here!

(Click image for larger version (Infographic by Funders and Founders))

Breaking it down,

• Steven Spielberg was rejected by the University of Southern California Film School 3 times. He eventually attended another school, only to drop out and become a director. He returned school to earn his BA 35 years later.^[1]
• Productivity guru Tim Ferris was rejected by publishers 25 times for his book The 4-Hour Workweek. It went on to become a New York Times’ Best Seller, as has his next two books The 4-Hour Body and The 4-Hour Chef.^[2]
• Founder of Pandora, Tim Westergren, was rejected by over 300 VCs when pitching for funding. The company spent 2.5 years broke. To compensate for the lack of funds, Westergren worked for free and convinced others to do the same.^[3]
• Richard Branson launched 400 companies before founding one that is out of this world (Virgin Galactic). As with any successful entrepreneur, he has failed in many businesses from Virgin Cola to Virgin Brides to Virgin Cars to Virgin Clothing to Virgin Cosmetics.^[4][5] Bet you didn’t know that Branson launched a cosmetics company before, did you? He even started a condoms company in 1987 (which he sold a year later) that has become big in the UK!
• Colonel Sanders was rejected 1,009 times when trying to sell his fried chicken recipe.^[6] As we all know, KFC is a world-renowned franchise today and likely inspired the launch of other fried chicken companies. I share more of Colonel’s story here (see point #7).
• Sylvester Stallone was rejected 1,500 times when he tried selling his script and himself for what would be the film Rocky. Stallone suffers from partial paralysis in his face which made it difficult for him to get casted in an industry that’s all about looks. Today, Rocky is one of the most successful film series of all time, grossing more than US $1 billion.^[7][8]
• James Dyson, founder of the Dyson, created 5,126 times failed prototypes of his vacuum cleaner before succeeding. Today, Dyson sells machines in over 70 countries and employs more than 7,000 people worldwide.^[9]
• And you probably know this one: Thomas Edison created 10,000 failed prototypes of his electric bulb before succeeding. As he famously said,
  

  “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

It is easy to ignore the hard work and failures that winners experienced in their success as they may seem uncool or unsexy.

But failure is part and parcel of success. Failure is where we learn about ourselves and ways that don’t work. Failure is where we become more intelligent and gain more experience and understand the gaps in our skills. Failure is where we move closer to success.

Meaning… to succeed fast,

1. Learn to fail. Fast. Take action. Try different things. Bad ideas, good ideas; it don’t matter. Just put yourself out THERE.
2. Then, learn from these failures. Be curious. Understand what worked and what didn’t work.
3. Fix the issues that didn’t work and revise your strategy.
4. Then, try again.

The more you fail, the more experienced you are. The more experienced you are, the smarter you become. The smarter you become, the higher your chances of success. And in a matter of time, you will reach your desired goal.

Read:

• How To Start When You Have Nothing
• The 21-Day Incubation Period
• The Power of Little Changes

(Click image for larger version)

Here are the different stages of this journey:

1. “This is the best idea ever!!” — When you just come up with a new goal
2. “This will be fun” — Getting started…
3. “This is harder than I thought” — Taking the first few steps
4. “This is going to be a lot of work” — Getting into the thick of things…
5. “This sucks I have no idea what I’m doing” — When you realize that this is harder than you thought
6. “#%@}!!!!!!!!!!!” — When you’ve invested way too much time and energy into this, but things aren’t turning out the way you want
7. “Ok but it still sucks” — When you see some results, but there’s still much to be done
8. “Quick, let’s call it a day and say we learned something” — When you feel like giving up
9. “Hmm…”
10. “Hey!”
11. “Wow” — #9 to #11: The Creation Process™
12. “This is one of the things I am most proud of” — Reaching the finishing line!

Having completed several book projects before, I can relate to this.

The contrast between Stages #1 and #5 is normal as many people severely underestimate the work needed for a goal. It’s only when we start working on it that we realize it’s not as easy as it seems.

Stage #6 is what I call development hell. This is when you are deep in the goal and experiencing all the difficulties and challenges. You have to really push through to get past this stage. This is also when you decide if you really want this enough to continue.

There are mentions of “Belief/Persistence” and “Family+Humour,” which are important factors to get you through this journey. Having the belief and persistence to tackle the obstacles. Having the support of loved ones and being able to laugh when the going gets tough.

As you can see, most people start off optimistic about their goals, but experience self-doubt or even think about giving up when they face one hurdle after another. I have gone through this before, especially in book writing.

If you’re working on a goal (such as an app, a book, or a business) and facing a roadblock, know that you’re not alone. Here are my tips to push through:

1. Understand that the effort to create anything great is often 100-1000X of what people think. The difficulty you’re facing is not specific to you but something everyone faces. The people who can get past the dark swamp are those who reach the other end.
2. Create a plan to address the obstacles. What’s blocking you now? How can you address it? Can you get help? Can you join a peer group or consult someone?
3. Break your goal down into milestones. Then, break each milestone into little steps. Focus on just one step at a time.
4. Get support. Is there anyone you can consult or connect with? If not, can you get emotional support, say from family and friends?
5. Take a few steps back. Things can seem disastrous when we are working on a goal, but that’s because we’re looking too closely and lacking a big picture. Go back to the drawing board. Ask yourself, Why am I working on this? Why is this important to me?
6. Don’t forget self-care. This goes out of the window when we’re working on a goal, but you need to rest and care for yourself to get anywhere far.

If something doesn’t seem to be working, review and change your approach. Be okay to change your goal if it’s not working for you; there’s nothing wrong with that.

Hang in there, we’re all in this together!

Read:

• 6 Tips To Get Through Development Hell
• How To Overcome Writer’s Block [Podcast]
• The Power of Little Changes

Note: I didn’t create this infographic and couldn’t find the source, so if you know the original creator, let me know.

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Note from Celes: While this post is on doing year-end reviews, you don’t need to wait till the year end to do a personal review — you can do so at any time of the year. The questions at the end of this post will get you started.

Hi everyone! The year is coming to an end, and soon it’ll be the new year. Are you ready for the new year? Are you ready for a year of excitement and new challenges?

Before we welcome the new year, let’s do a year end review. Long-time readers would know that I do an annual year end review at PE. I first started doing annual reviews in 2007, and today I do it both for myself and with my coaching clients.

To me, doing an annual review is like getting your report card. I remember back in school, I would be excited when it was time to get our results, especially if I had prepared for the exams and gave them my all. It’s the same with my year end review… except that these results aren’t for my studies — they’re bigger. They’re for my life. Likewise, doing your annual review is about your life.

In this post, I will guide you through your year end review.

Importance of Year End Reviews

So why do a year end review? 4 simple reasons:

1. Identify your lessons for the year

What did you experience this year? What have you learned from them?

Every life experience brings along important life lessons. While we can let these incidences pass us by, it’s much more important to understand them, process them, and identify learning points. Life is like a school, and its lessons are often dressed up in our circumstances, the problems we face, and our failures and victories. Rather than live year after year without learning anything — which is no different from sleepwalking — I encourage you to actively think about what you have learned and gained for the year.

Looking back at my 2007 review, one of the biggest lessons I learned is that our reactions to life’s circumstances is a choice, and it’s up to us to make the best out of them. This realization came after a highly intense period at my previous job. While I was already a positive person then, I was in such an intensely stressful and negative situation that I became very negative, unhappy. After a period of feeling miserable, I realized that the reality was such and it was up to me to make the best out of it. I could either sit and bitch about it all day which would do nothing to change the situation, or take action and make the best out of it. I wrote about this experience here: The Night I Cried

This small shift in mindset led to a big shift in my reality — I became much more proactive and solution-oriented. I subsequently realized that many of us create so much unnecessary baggage when dealing with life’s circumstances, when it’s about taking action to create the lives that we want. Happiness is truly a choice.

Because I write down what I learn in my life handbook, I get to build on my lessons every year. Rather than loop through similar circumstances or linger on in problems, I would think about what I have learned and react differently, in a way that breaks me out of the problem. This has helped me move quickly in my growth every year.

2. Review what has happened this year

Many things can happen in a year and this is the perfect time to round them up. What happened this year? Did you face any ups and downs? Did you get a promotion? Did you recently quit your job and join a new workplace? Did you just start a business? Did you move to a new place? Did you end an unhappy relationship? Did you end a bad friendship? Did you move on from a bad partnership? Did you get some breakthroughs? Did you welcome a new birth? Any major events that happened? Or perhaps nothing significant happened?

This is the perfect time to wrap up the year. If there was any unhappiness this year, time to trash it all out. If there were any happy events, it’s good to review them and feel gratitude. This is the time to tie up loose ends, get resolution to open problems, and get ready for what’s ahead.

3. Regain focus

After working for a few years, you’ll find that the years sort of blend into each other. Soon, it’s hard to tell one year apart from the next. Subsequently, it’s easy to fall into a routine without being conscious of it. Sometimes I hear my friends commenting that they’re not sure what exactly they’ve been doing with the past few years of their lives, because everything seems like the same.

It’s just like driving. When you’re driving, it can be hard to see where you are and where you’re heading to, since you’re stuck in the driver seat, only seeing what’s right before and after you. You start to get a myopic view after a while, and small problems can get magnified when they may be, well, just small problems.

On the other hand, pausing for a short moment to look at your map can be amazingly helpful. Where are you right now? How far have you traveled? Where do you want to go next? Doing so helps you regain focus. (On Day 4 of Live a Better Life in 30 Days, you will create your life map with an overview of your 1-year, 3-year, and 5-year goals.)

Like I mentioned above, doing my annual review is like getting my report card for my life. How do I grade my performance this year? Do I give myself an A+? A? B? C? D? Or even an F? The objective isn’t to berate ourselves or beat ourselves up. It’s to let us know if we have lived this year the best we can, and if not, what we can do to make next year better.

4. Start the new year on a high note

Last but not least, your annual review helps you start the new year on a high note as you’ll be setting your new year goals.

For the year 2010, my one single biggest goal was to build my site traffic for PE. While I had many other goals, they were secondary to building my blog. Because I had that goal, I was a person on a mission while others were still figuring out what they wanted to do and filling their time with empty activities like checking Facebook and binge-watching videos, because they had not set their focus. By mid-2010 I had already exceeded some of my goals, and by year end I had accomplished what I had set out to do, and more.

Having such focus helps you make the best out of your days, weeks, and months. We may have one of the longest life spans among mammals, but when it gets down to it, 60-70 years on earth isn’t really long. Today’s modern world is structured such that we spend most of our lives working to fulfill others’ goals and earning money so that we can use whatever little time we have to achieve our goals. If you don’t take charge of your agenda, it’s easy for years to pass by without accomplishing anything on your list. What’s more, none of us can guarantee that we can live to our natural life span. There are always accidents, diseases, and illnesses. One moment we can be here, the next we can be gone.

We can’t directly control our time on earth, but we sure can make the best out of our life here. Hence, I encourage you to take stock, to think about what you want, and to work towards them. Even if it’s just baby steps, you’ll still be moving forward all the same. And that’s the most important thing: to keep moving forward in life, no matter what you’re facing. :) ♥

Exercise: Write Your Year End Review

Let’s get started on your year end review!

Take out your life handbook, or if you don’t have one, get any notebook or blank piece of paper. If you have a blog, you can copy the questions and answer them in a blog entry.

Set aside some quiet time with yourself, about 30-45 minutes. Write down your answers to the following questions:

1. What are your biggest accomplishments this year? Accomplishments here refer to any results you are proud of. Having a kid, graduating from high school, changing to a new job, getting married, making new friends, and being in a new relationship are all considered accomplishments.
2. What are your biggest lessons this year?
3. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with how you have spent this year? (If you prefer giving grades, what grade would you give yourself for how this year turned out, between an F and an A+?) Why?
4. What do you want to accomplish next year such that it’s your best year ever? Alternatively:
   • If it’s now Dec 31 of next year, what do you want to have accomplished?
   • What would it take for you to feel 10/10 in happiness at the end of next year?
5. What new habits can you cultivate to help you achieve your goals in question 4?
6. What are your immediate next steps to achieve these goals?

Take as much time as you need. These are the very same questions I use for my annual review, so I’ve no doubt that you’ll find them useful. :) Feel free to skip or add questions as you like.

If you want, start with questions 1-3 first which are reflection questions for the year. Spend a couple of days to think about them before moving on to questions 4-6, which are about the year ahead.

Add a new appointment in your calendar that recurs every year and spans from Dec 28 to Dec 31, titled “My Year End Review.” Add this article URL (https://personalexcellence.co/blog/year-end-review/) in that appointment description. This way, you’ll automatically be reminded to do your year end reviews on December 28 every year. :)

My Past Year End Reviews

If you’re interested, here are my past year-end reviews from 2008 to 2016:

• End of 2008: Reflection, and Moving Onward to 2009 :)
• 2009 Reflections: 2 Biggest Things I Learned, 15 Key Highlights and A Big Thank You To You
• My Review of 2010 (Big Thank You and Onward to 2011!)
• My Review of 2011 (And Moving On To 2012!)
• My 2012 in Review :) A Year of New Milestones, Creation of My Self-Identity, and New Beginnings
• My 2013 in Review, and Happy New Year 2014!! :)
• My 2014 in Review: Marriage, New Home, and New Beginning :)
• My 2015 in Review: Distractions, Health, and Focusing on Scale
• My 2016 in Review: Simplifying, Setting the Right Foundations

To You

How is your review for this year? What are your biggest accomplishments that you’re most proud of? What are your biggest lessons? What do you want to accomplish next year? And how can you get started right away? :)

Remember, don’t stress yourself up — if you’re not in a place where you can make big changes, baby steps will suffice. You’ll be surprised at what they can do. Read: The Power of Little Changes

For those of you looking to start your new year on a strong start, check out Live a Better Life in 30 Days (30DLBL). It’s my 30-day life transformation course where you get to answer hard questions and work on important, Quadrant 2 tasks to live a better life. It’s perfect to do at the end, start, or middle of the year, though you can really do it at any time! Read more: Live a Better Life in 30 Days

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Many times in the pursuit of our goals, we hit brick walls that stop us from advancing. This is especially so when what we are trying to achieve is bigger than what we are capable of accomplishing at the point.

To achieve a state where we become bigger than our problems, we need to level up! :D

What is level up? It’s a concept that I learned from games. If you have played games like RPGs before, you will be familiar with it. :) In RPGs, it is normal to enter a new section of the game where you can’t proceed because your characters are not strong enough to defeat the enemies. This happens when the new enemies you are fighting are much stronger than the ones you’ve fought before. At this point if you insist on progressing, you’ll probably get killed and have to return to a nearby inn to rest.

So what do you do now? Do you stop playing? Of course not! The next step is to train and level up your characters. When your characters level up, they gain an increase in their stats, such as HP (hit points = your health bar. the more HP you have, the more damage you can withstand), strength, defence, dexterity, and so on. Sometimes leveling up results in the characters acquiring a new special move/technique (or limit break for those of you Final Fantasy fans) that makes them much more powerful than before. :D With their increased powers, defeating the new enemies becomes a piece of cake and you are now able to advance to the next stage of the game!

So how does this apply to real life? When you face obstacles in a goal, obstacles that you’re not able to tackle at this moment, it just means that the goal is currently bigger than you. What you should do then is to level up. Level up such that you become stronger, better, and smarter and you are able to conquer these obstacles consequently.

In games, you level up by fighting weaker enemies, gaining experience points (XP), and accumulating your XP such that you hit the next level. The more XP you gain, the more levels you gain. The more levels you gain, the stronger you become.

Mirroring this to real life, this means you should tackle a smaller version of your goal first. Tackle it and become great at doing it. As you do so, you’ll gain XP, which then helps you level up.

So meaning,

• If you want to be a great coach, start by coaching people around you first. Get good at coaching them before you look at doing this at a professional level. Read: Are Coaching Courses Necessary To Be a Coach?
• If you want to be a great artist, start by mastering simple artwork.
• If you want to be a great public speaker, start with presentations to small groups. Perfect your oration and presentation skills in front of these folks. This will help you speak to a larger group with ease. Read: 9 Essential Tips to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking and 21 Ways to Deliver Interesting and Engaging Presentations
• If you want to be a great programmer, start by developing simple software that solves simple problems.
• If you want to write a book, try blogging first. Or if possible, write on a platform with an existing audience, like a newsletter column for a company/school. Get good at your writing skills and be comfortable writing to a live audience before you jump to a book, which is infinitely harder than writing short articles. Check out my podcast: How To Overcome Writer’s Block [Podcast]
• If you want to build a traffic of 10,000 visitors per day but your blog is new, start with 100 visitors first. Master having a traffic of 100 visitors/day, then look at a higher tier like 200 visitors/day, followed by 500 visitors/day, etc.
• If you want to earn $10,000 a month, work on earning $5,000 a month first. If you’re not earning anywhere near $5,000 a month, then aim for a target that’s 10–20% higher than your current income.
• If you want to earn passive income of $X, master earning an active income of $X first. Earning passive income is significantly harder than earning active income, something I taught my students in my passive income course.

The process of working on these small goals will help you gain skills and XP, eventually reaching a new level. You know you have leveled up when…

1. Your current goals are too easy for you
2. You can complete what you set out to do and still have buffer to do more
3. You keep getting positive feedback for a job well done

When that happens, it’s time to up the ante. :D Instead of playing in your current sandbox, you are now ready to move on to a more challenging goal! That’s because when you keep working on the same old goals and the same targets you’ve already achieved, you don’t grow. You can only stay at the same level. By progressing to a bigger goal, you (1) push yourself out of your comfort zone and (2) stretch yourself to develop new skills.

This means…

• If you are getting many people approaching you for coaching advice, start charging a small fee. This will help you manage your demand, give targeted attention to your clients, and push you to provide a better value service.
• If you have developed simple software that works well, create more complex software that solves bigger problems.
• If you are getting 100 visitors/day to your blog, aim for 200 visitors/day next.
• If you’re comfortable presenting to 10 people, then speak to an audience of 20 next.

As you do this, you will gain even more XP. At one point, you level up. Soon, your “new” goals become easy for you and you are ready to take on bigger goals.

Before you know it, you have reached such a high level that you are ready conquer that very goal that stumped you in the beginning. Except this time, you have become so skilled in your craft that it’s no longer a nerve-wrecking process doing it. Rather than it being an insurmountable obstacle, it’s now just a small hurdle to cross. :)

Is there any goal you have been struggling with? How can you level up such that this goal is no longer a struggle, but a simple breeze? :)

Read as well:

• 10,000 Hours To Develop Talent
• How To Build an Edge: Develop Your Talent Stack

The key denominator is actually hard work. A lot of it, in fact. About 10,000 hours of it. That’s roughly 3 hours every day, for 10 consecutive years, before any one of them began to be seen as the “expert” in their field.

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This finding isn’t shocking. I feel the concept of natural talent has become overrated, along with self-discipline. Often times, I see people letting go of their dreams because they claim they do not have the “talent.” Having an innate ability is definitely a nice bonus and great enabler, but the role it plays is lesser than what many may think.

While having an aptitude does get one an initial head start — for example, if you are naturally good at drawing, that gives you an edge over others when starting out — beyond a certain stage, success becomes increasingly dependent on your attitude and the amount of work you put in than your aptitude. Hard work becomes the key determinant of your success in the long haul. As Thomas Edison puts it: “Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.”

As what Malcolm Gladwell has found, even in fields like sports and music where many see the key to success as having an innate ability, consistent hard work has proven to be the more superior factor by far. This is the case even for established names like Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Johnny Wilkinson, Bill Gates, the Beatles, Beethoven, and Madonna. For most (if not all) of them, their hard work started right as a kid. It was through relentless training since young before they attained their kind of expertise today.

Here are specific examples of how top performers came to develop their talent through hard work:

#1. Victoria Pendleton’s emphatic gold in the women’s sprint cycling in Beijing came only after humiliating defeat in Athens four years ago. After training for four hours a day, six days a week the 27-year-old finally reaped the rewards. (from Times Online)

#2. Rebecca Adlington, the 19-year-old swimmer who won two gold medals at the Beijing Games, has put in an estimated 8,840 hours of training since the age of 12. (from Times Online)

#3. The Beatles burst onto the world stage in the 1960s, seemingly lifted from their hometown of Liverpool and dropped into the world’s biggest venues. But theirs was not an overnight success. One of the Beatles’ early gigs was performing near military bases in Hamburg, Germany; they would perform for eight hours a day, seven days a week. They did this for 270 days over the course of 18 months. By the time the Beatles enjoyed their first commercial success in 1964, they had performed 1,200 times, which is more than most bands today perform in their careers. When the Beatles first left for Germany, they weren’t very good. But by the time their Hamburg stints ended, they sounded like no other band in the world. They were well on their way to getting in their 10,000 hours. (from RCM)

#4. Generally regarded as a savant or a computer genius, Gates has a 10,000-hour story, too. Gates had the good fortune to attend a private school in Seattle that had a computer club. This was 1968, when most universities did not have a computer club. And Gates’ club didn’t have an ordinary computer — they had an ASR-33 Teletype, one of the most advanced computers of its day. Gates was hooked on computers and began programming in the eighth grade! This led to other experiences in Seattle, and by the time he graduated, Gates had practically lived in the computer lab for five years. He was closing in on 10,000 hours and was ready to take full advantage of the opportunities he soon would receive. (from RCM)

#5. By the age of 20, the best musicians at the Music Academy of West Berlin (as judged by the music professors) had practiced for about 10,000 hours, the “good” ones for about 8,000, and those trained to become teachers for about 5,000. (from Science Spectra)

#6. There are similar examples: Bill Joy, computer legend and founder of Sun Microsystems; Mozart, whose greatest compositions weren’t written until he had been composing for more than 20 years; and it takes roughly 10,000 hours to become a chess grandmaster. (from RCM)

Does this mean that everyone who is successful in their niche is so because they have invested exactly 10,000 hours? No, not necessarily. Some might have put in less hours, some more. The 10,000 figure should be seen as a reference point. The amount of work needed depends on the size of your goal. The bigger your goal, the more work required. If you want to be internationally renowned in your field, meaning surpassing all other people who are also working their butts off to carve a name for themselves, then 10,000 hours is definitely a minimum commitment. I’d say that learning and mastery never ends and it’s a matter of striving to be better than you are now.

My Writing — 13,688 Hours, and Counting

For me, I’ve been writing articles for the past 7.5 years. If you assume that I spend an average of 5 hours per day writing (I definitely spend more time than that on many days; sometimes I can be writing the whole day), that’s 5 hours x 365 days x 7.5 = 13,688 hours. Here, “writing” applies to copywriting, article writing, writing content in my courses, struggling with blocks, etc. That’s 13,688 hours, which is a lot of time.

While I’m far from an expert, I can see how my approach to writing has changed over the years — in a good way.

• While at the beginning I would struggle with writing/rewriting/editing a piece, now I can better tell when an article is heading in the right direction and how to steer it to that direction.
• While I used to create article outlines before writing, now I can just jump right into writing.
• While at the beginning I would only to know whether an article would be well-received or not after publishing it, now I can sort of tell how the audience would receive a topic or a style of writing before publishing, and consequently shape my articles to get the best impact.
• I’m now able to write more productively. I used to get “stuck” in my articles sometimes — where nothing I write sticks and the more I write the worse it becomes. Now I know how to get into the right state to create inspired content, and when to stop and rest.
• I know what are the best environments to help me get into the flow — and the ones that don’t. This means I’m now more strategic about changing/creating the right environment to get into the writing zone.

It hasn’t been a linear journey either. It’s not like I wasn’t good in the first year and I got good in my second year. Or that my first 3 years of material were crap and everything from my 4th year became great. I see this as a journey with different bumps. For example, there was a period where I spent a great deal of time improving my English by researching and studying the technicalities of grammar and American English (I was raised using British English) — things that the layman English speaker or writer won’t care about, but it’s important for my writing. There was a period when I was afraid to publish anything because I was afraid of countless negative judgment which has become typical of an overcrowded internet; subsequently I realized that this is just noise that comes no matter what I do, and it’s about following my inner voice vs. cluttering myself with what others think. Then there was another period when I struggled with getting words out only to realize that my environment was stifling me, and I needed to change it. Once I did that, my writing began to soar.

Overcoming each bump takes experimentation and self-awareness. Sometimes there’s a lot of pain involved. But I find that each time I overcome an obstacle, writing becomes easier. It’s as if I’ve just unlocked a new aspect of writing that I didn’t know before. And I only got to know this because I’ve done the grunt work in busting my (inner) blocks.

I’ve observed the same thing with other skills too — coaching, speaking, critical thinking / analysis, marketing, web coding, web design, audio editing. There’s always the initial struggle. And the self-doubt / mental blocks where you know your desired output but you aren’t quite sure how to make it happen. And then there’s the “messy” stage where you are deep in the trenches trying to figure things out. And slowly you are able to “swim” and create some semblance of results. And gradually you see things at a more strategic level and learn how to go from vision to end outcome in the most effective, efficient way.

(For those who write as part of your work, check out my recent podcast: How To Overcome Writer’s Block [Podcast])

Other People’s Skills

If I look at the people around me, the same applies for them. All their skills have been acquired through time, hard work, and experience. I genuinely can’t think of anyone who is just “born” with their skills. Perhaps some people may think that they were “born” with their skills, but when you dig deeper, the opposite is true.

If you ever come across people who achieve results seemingly due to aptitude than hard work, there’s a good chance that they have invested tons of hard work. It’s natural to jump to a conclusion that people achieve success without much work, because you don’t see the hard work, only their success. Yet, closer examination usually reveals otherwise.

For example, when I was in school, there would be students who seemed to breeze through tests and get great results. What many didn’t know was that behind their great results, were many extra hours spent in self-studying. Hours of private tuition that their parents put them through. Assessment books done ad nauseum. Strong foundation in the topics due to their earlier years of schooling where they had invested the same hard work in their studies.

Another example: When I was in my previous corporate job, there was a handful of people who stood out against others. These people invested extra time in getting their craft right — whether it was in the technicality of their work, their collaboration skills, or networking skills. Even for people who seemly had a natural flair, it was because they had prior experience in X or they had specialized in a degree that gave them that knowledge or they took up some internship/job that gave them those skills.

So why do so many people think of talent as being something innate that only some have? I suspect one reason is because the media tends to romanticize the successes of the “have’s.” They make them seem like some magical beings who have special powers that us “mere mortals” don’t have. Another reason is because people usually only see top performers when they have achieved a certain expertise. They don’t see endless hours invested before this expertise is attained. Without knowing that, it’s easy to jump to conclusions and assume that they have always been this good all along.

Start Investing Your 10,000 Hours Today

Do you have a goal where you feel you lack the talent to achieve it? Believe it or not, you already have the aptitude required to achieve your goal. The missing piece of the puzzle is not the lack of talent, but your readiness to put in the grunt work.

Rather than see talent as something innate in certain people, recognize that talent is innate in you too. You just need to put in the hours to bring this “talent” out of you. If you start seeing that Talent = Aptitude + Hard work, where aptitude is already present in everyone and hard work is the real variable in the equation, you will start to have a lot more power over your goals.

Moving ahead,

1. What are the areas you want to be talented in? Identify them.
2. How do you plan to put in your 10,000 hours? How many hours can you invest every day? Draw out a plan. Read Skills Development
3. How can you get started on this new plan? Work out your schedule.

Start clocking hours. Soon, you will become the top talent in your field. :)

Read as well: How To Build an Edge: Develop Your Talent Stack