21DPC Day 15 – Who is Someone You Dislike? What is 1 Positive Thing You Can Share About Him/Her?

This is Day 15 of the 21-Day Positivity Challenge held in March 2012, where we work on being positive for 21 days. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the tasks.

Happy girl in the field

21DPC Day 15 Question

Today’s positivity question is:

Who is Someone You Dislike?

…and …

What is 1 Positive Thing You Can Share About Him/Her?

Unhappy girl

While there may be people who have negative, dislikable traits, us disliking them is not exactly all that positive either. It’s just like when we complain about energy vampires  – they may be negative, but us harping about their negativity makes us no less negative than they are. While our negativity may seem justifiable from our point of view, it doesn’t make it change the fact that it’s a negative act.

The mark of a positive person is someone who is able to see positivity, even in the people he/she does not have an affinity with. My challenge to you today is to identify something positive about someone you don’t particularly favor. In amidst of doing so, you may find that – hey, maybe this person is not that dislikable after all. That perhaps positivity is more of a function of one’s perception than anything else.

Your Task:

  1. Reflect and answer today’s question(s). Write as few or as many words as needed to fully express yourself.
  2. Approach someone you don’t normally feel like talking to. It can be the receptionist, a team mate, a family member, an acquaintance, or a friend. He/she can be someone who is an energy vampire, a critical nut, a hypocrite, or has an off-putting character. Just say a simple hi, and engage in a short conversation for a few minutes, if you can. As you do that, see if you can identify something positive about this person.
  3. Identify at least one positive thing about your day. It may be something small or something big – as long as you deem it as something positive, it counts. If you have more than 1 thing to share, then by all means, go for it!

Share Your Answers!

After you are done, share your answers in the comments area.

If you’re doing this at the start of the day, you can post your answer for today’s question first, then work on your positivity task throughout the day, then return at the end of the day to share your results for your positivity task and your end-of-day positive reflection.

Check out other participants’ answers. Pick 1-2 participants’ answers and make a meaningful reply to them. Engage in the discussions. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days!

Look forward to reading your responses!

(Images: Happy girl in the field, Unhappy girl)

88 comments
  1. Who is Someone You Dislike? What is 1 Positive Thing You Can Share About Him/Her?

    I have difficulties in approaching one of my Colleagues. I try to limit our interactions for as to preserve my own energy. She certainly has a few positive traits:
    – is very conscientious in her job
    – sets high standards for herself and others
    – is very efficient and results-oriented
    – is honest and courageous, gives feedback in a generous, open way
    – is quick and makes decisions rapidly
    – is very professional
    – says “thank you” = is able to acknowledge my effort (at least from time to time).

    I do wish her lots of LOVE and happiness. :hug: She is a nice person and certainly has good intentions. And I believe that there are no accidents in life so she is here to teach me something valuable.. or give me a kick.. and make me behave more courageously, consciously and in a more mature way. Voilà! ;)

  2. Renee Sime 13 years ago

    Who is someone I dislike, and what is one positive thing I share about them:

    On a previous days’ challenge (negative people in my life), I wrote about a friend of mine who just drives me crazy. She is very pessimistic, constantly. She is a “control freak”, and she’s rude and critical and just a very negative person. But for some reason, I remain friends with her. I guess I wouldn’t consider us good friends, but we have mutual friends and we end up hanging out once in awhile.

    I have found that she really enjoys helping people. I get the impression it is for the wrong reasons, but nonetheless, she does go out of her way to help people. She also likes to treat her friends. Not that it is necessary, but she is always offering to buy them dinner, or take them to a movie, and she randomly buys them gifts. It’s a really nice gesture, and it can surely make a person feel special when they are having the worst day.

    One positive thing about my day: A very good friend of mine reached out to me today and we’ll be spending some time together this weekend. I enjoy our time together so much!

  3. Ok hello everyone, i had a lot of work these past few days so i will try to catch up now on questions..

    So, for positive thing i got a job out of the blue and i am very excited about that…

    And for negative person i think that i surrounded myself with people who i like and i consider positive…but every once in a while i have to be around some people from PR field, in which i am in, that are true hypocrites and energy vampires but i know and i say that to myself every time i meet someone like that is that everyone of them are human and they are also sometimes good and sometimes bad but one thing is true for all everyone are doing the best they can with everything they know and they’ve been through. So life has shaped some people differently but that doesn’t make them bad or negative…

  4. One of my colleagues is a bully. She has been reported to Human Resources by several of my other colleagues.

    Her positive is that she has a good working knowledge of our computer software.

    My positive is that I haven’t reported her to Human Resources. I prefer to ignore her and channel our interactions through my team lead. The less I have to deal with her or think about her, the better.

  5. Who is someone I dislike? What is 1 positive thing I can share about him/her?

    :twisted: I don’t like one of my colleagues at work. She is embittered and feels that she is being oppressed and victimized at work. She is malicious and goes about saying bad things about her other colleagues whom she feels is treating her unjustly. Despite that, however I know she is a blessed woman with a husband who dotes on her and children who do her proud.

    :angel: I had lunch today with some friends from church, among them one of them was someone that I felt had been too judgmental and as a result, I had tried to minimize socializing with her at church. In fact, this was the 2nd time that I had lunch with her. And as it turned out I realized that I didn’t know her enough to like her. While 2 lunches later, I wouldn’t call her my new best friend, I definitely would not avoid her anymore.

    :clap: One positive thing about my day (other than doing lunch with someone I normally would not speak to) was being anointed at church by the priest during the rite of scrutiny and I’m now one step closer to my baptism! :dance:

  6. I don’t like to believe that I hate anyone. I have people that I don’t like to associate with or talk to. A couple of these people are so rude and disrespectful to everyone and themselves. One girl in paticular is the head of the pack. She has no care in the world for the things that really matter besides being social and doing whatever she pleases. I also have the people that I trusted and then went behind my back and spread all sorts of rumors. I was so hurt and ready to hurt someone.

    One good thing about the rude people is they are all very beautiful and talented and have a potential to do something awesome. The postive thing about the betrayers is they do some good things and aren’t all bad.

    One good postive thing about today is me and my mom got to learn more about where we come from. It was so awesome to see some of the names.

  7. Who i dislike
    2 people come to mind, an ex colleague , i think she has this personality that just rubs me the wrong way and also those of others. I think she subliminally competes with me i don’t know why. She was the first to get promoted before me and she made sure that we all felt that she was promoted and stuff like that.. i try to avoid being close to her because i refuse to bring out that feeling in me every time.. and i totally ignore her. one positive thing about her is that she is a nice person to people, but the sincerity of her niceness can also be questionable..

    Another person is my classmate, this person is always negative, argumentative and her way is the only way yet they have a problem in understanding English and confuses everything. Instead of progress you end up derailing and trying to articulate something so that it doesn’t spiral out to become an argument. i think its draining and brings in bad vibes.One positive thing about her is that she is nice to me ( i guess)

    I have learnt overtime that where there are no people who rub you the wrong way, then you must have some problem , or some where you are pretending, i think its ok to have people that are not your cup of team but its only good to know how to manage them without any pretence and any harbour of the bad vibes that arise when they are around you.. just my 2 cents

  8. JadePenguin 13 years ago

    I’ll leave out people from my past, cause I don’t feel any grudges against them and they aren’t in my life anymore. Instead, there’s this girl who sometimes annoys me by not having anything smart to say and having a very annoying laugh. I had a few words with her this Wednesday and thought she was talking too much about things I didn’t find interesting. But yes, I also thought I could really let go of this negativity. I guess positive about her is that she comes to such events where we discuss really intelligent stuff. I’ll try to talk to her more when the holidays are over :)

    Positive of day 15: enjoyed the Language lecture where we watched clips featuring sign language (in one clip, the kids were signing-singing Lennon’s Imagine and the lecturer admitted he cried the first few times he watched it – very brave!!). Also auditioned for yet two more plays.

  9. lol…which one to choose! ;) I dislike J. …though, she is very good at “motivating” people and has transcended her humble beginnings.

    I received a package that was given up as “lost” weeks ago!

  10. Hm hard question, there are people that I dislike in general, but I usually see their both sides, I probably don’t like many traits of their personality but I know they have positive things too. I cannot think in anyone I don’t see in that way. For example, I don’t like a colleague for many reasons, but I know he has a good humour sense and he tries to help if required. In general I don’t have to interact much with him but by chance yesterday I had small talk with him. It was not that bad.
    A positive thing: in my job I finished something I was doing for a couple of days.

  11. One person I remembered disliking immensely was an ex-boss of mine. He was arrogant and chauvinistic and picked on my weaknesses all the time. I was under tremendous pressure to try to meet his requirements . He started to impose steps that he thinks I should improve on, making me feel uneasy and resentful and I started to loose confidence. It was obvious he wanted me out of his department . My colleagues didnt like him either and they sympathized with my predicament. I made all efforts to move back to my old department and suceeded finally to get an overseas posting. I was happy that I managed to get what I wanted and away from his dictatorial treatment.
    The positive thing about him was he was able to implement a new system to the department which worked very well for the company, tough and determined as he may be, overall he managed the department well, though I could not say he treated his staff with respect and gratitude.
    I supposed a dislike for someone is just your inability to understand the perspective of that persons, thus creating a rift and discomfort on both sides. If you look hard enough, there is always a positive part a person. Even Hitler, most disliked by the world, was able to garner the support of millions. Ironic isnt it?

    The positive thing about today was despite having a a bad flu, I still kept myself active and busy, thus my aches and pains was much forgotten.

  12. Hmmm…. well, I know someone who dislikes ME, but i like her alright! Someone I dislike? I suppose it would be my mother – she is so negative, and mean, and deliberately obtuse. It is a chore to talk to her. However, she did raise me to have a love of the outdoors and to know how to handle tools safely. She has a wry sense of humor, and is extremely well-read.

    I spoke with a coworker today who is …. officious. I complimented him on his dog’s behavior, and he smiled! Something I like about him? He plays a role in our company that most people wouldn’t take on, and he enjoys it.

    Positive thing:
    I received a lovely compliment about being a good friend!

  13. I supposed to complete this on Thursday, but because I was busy the whole day, I left it out. I read through the thread on Friday, but I still didn’t have the time to post it up. Now here it is.

    ===========================================================================
    Who is Someone You Dislike? What is 1 Positive Thing You Can Share About Him/Her?

    I don’t like one of my community club members. She doesn’t seem to be cooperate and work towards her responsible role. However, if someone who is more powerful pushes her going, she will move on, it is just that I’m not the one who are able to push her moving forward.

    One thing positive about her is that, she cares about her health a lot. Probably, I would say that she cares about work-life balance a lot. She is able to go for a few trips every year, to enjoy her life to the fullest.

    ===========================================================================
    Approach someone you don’t normally feel like talking to.

    I approached to the staff in the admin office to settle some stuff. I usually don’t communicate with them as they are kind of no manners sometimes. Unexpectedly, the staff looked friendly and willing to help me to complete the work.

    ===========================================================================
    Identify at least one positive thing about your day.

    After class, the students asked for my consultation on their assignment. It was great that they are able to create the game system with nice interface. ^^

    Also, I practiced zither for one hour. Finally, I managed to play the song for examination in a complete version. XD

  14. Tina Davis 13 years ago

    I dislike my boss; however, he always does what he says he is going to do.

    I chatted with a co-worker at an office baby shower.

    My Daily Positivity

    Spending quality time with my family
    Having what should be a difficult conversation turn out okay

  15. Vasundhara 13 years ago

    I posted the reply yesterday itself since it was not posted and after that i was not able to access this pafe, i am posting the answer today.

    One of Secretary in my office ( as we have three secretary in office) is the one i dislike. i don;t like her for the way she talks and behaves. Because of this question, it made me to think about positivity in her.

    Every human being will have both positive and negative sides.I was just looking her only from negative side and didn’t even once thought that she will also have positive side :) Yes She looks good and she is happy and active always :)

    As part of today’s task, i pushed myself to talk to that secretary and had a small conversation for a while.. :)

    Positive for the day:

    Yoga practice, Breathing exercise and reached office on time :)

  16. It’s not so much a person, as it is their actions. I’m trying so hard these days to realize that people employ unpleasant behavior out of their own insecurities and perceived inadequacies. The person I’m thinking about is a fine at what she does, and I respect that greatly.

    Positive: An agency I’ve been dreaming of working with wants to work with me too! I’m over the moon with joy!

  17. I dislike my boss, not hate because ‘hate’s a strong word’ and I can’t say that I hate anyone in the world. everyone has value as a human being, and if anyone needed my help I would help them in the best way that I could. And I can’t say that I completely dislike my boss because without her I wouldn’t have a job, I wouldn’t have met my wonderful colleagues (who really brighten my day) and I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to work abroad and experience a different culture. Also she pays us enough money so that for the first time in my life I am actually managing to save money. However I am not planning to stay working for her for much longer because I feel exploited by her, she is money-grabbing, and bitches about her employees behind their backs, me included. I just don’t want to give her any more of my time and effort and I want to work in a place where I can have time-off if I’m ill or have special plans, when at the moment this is strictly not allowed. But anyway, despite this, I talk to her and actually quite like it when we have a conversation beyond talking about work.

    Positive things for today: I made it through the last full day of work before a long weekend, I went out for beer with my colleagues, my mum got a card I sent her super quick in the post, I ate a really nice and healthy breakfast and lunch, I also gave away some chocolate I had and the people I gave it to really appreciated it!

  18. CourtneyLR 13 years ago

    This challenge must be working, because I’m having a hard time thinking of anyone I particularly dislike!

    I’ll pick someone who I used to have a great deal of trouble with at my old job. I haven’t had contact with her in over six months so my feelings about her are definitely neutral. She was certainly an “energy vampire”, disrespectful, negative and always putting other people down.

    However, she is very intelligent and does have the capacity to be a fierce and loyal friend when she chooses to be.

    I haven’t really had much opportunity today to approach someone I don’t normally feel like talking to, but I think I will definitely have the opportunity this weekend…so this section of today’s challenge will have to wait. :)

    One positive thing about today: I went to an orientation to volunteer at my local hospital. I’m working on getting my paperwork completed so I can start doing this as soon as possible. I’m very excited about the opportunity to help people in my community!

    • so great that you are going to start volunteering and are excited about ‘giving’ to your community! well done you!!!

  19. There it is not an easy question today, I don’t dislike many people but I have to say I have a hard time with my husband’s best friend. I don’t like him much. And to be true I feel a bit bad to think this way.
    Now one thing positive about him, let me think, he never say bad things about others and he is a good father.

    As for something positive today:
    A lovely mail from my mum
    Inspiration to write
    Started an inspiration board and cooked a good diner for myself.

  20. Who is Someone You Dislike? What is 1 Positive Thing You Can Share About Him/Her?
    – A relative of a friend of mine. She’s very much a know-it-all, and won’t let anyone else give an opinion. However, she really loves animals and does what she can to help them. In my opinion, that is a great thing.

    Approach someone you don’t normally feel like talking to.
    – Hm, this may have to wait until tomorrow, as I don’t think I’ll be going out for the rest of the day. Yesterday I did go talk to one of our neighbors to ask if he had a spare extenstion cord. He’s one of those very off-putting people who just really awkward to be around, but I tried making conversation with him anyway.

    Identify at least one positive thing about your day.
    – I had a good run with Azu this morning!

  21. I can’t think of anyone in my life right now who I dislike. Thinking back, though, I can think of people I had problems with when we were in touch – and I can think of people who I rarely speak to, but who I instinctively feel wary about. I’ll talk about those :) So no ‘dislike,’ just negative feelings about them.

    The people I had issues with when I saw them regularly – well, there was one guy who was a bit creepy. He’d always want to hug you, which was fine in itself, but he’d also make inappropriate comments and just give off a bit of a ‘creep’ vibe. But at the same time, he was really enthusiastic about what he did – music – and never let anyone down.

    At the moment, there are couple of people I see in meetings but rarely speak to – one in particular strikes me as being unsmiling, rather overly-critical and unapproachable. At the same time, I know he’s a fantastic academic and his work is really very insightful.

    There are a lot of people who I care very deeply for, but do things that irk me sometimes. I think that’s human nature, really! I sometimes get annoyed at my boyfriend’s tendency to ‘fix’ things – emotional situations, mostly – but then I feel so grateful that I have a partner who cares, who truly wants to understand, and who will bend over backwards to help people out. I get irritated when housemates don’t tidy up – but then, I remember how lucky I am to live with such lovely people.

    I hope this is okay. It’s not really answering the question, but like I say, I’m having a tough time thinking of people I dislike :shy:

    Today’s task: Unfortunately I spectacularly failed at it. I was working on my own all day, went for a swim in the evening, and then came home to my boyfriend and our housemates. I’ll do my best to catch up on today’s task before the end of 21DPC.

    A positive thing about today: I was really focussed, got plenty of work done, and had a lovely swim. Also, we have a couple of friends staying with us tonight :)

  22. I dislike one of my old collegues, actually her behaviours more than her.. She is so selfish that she can ask you the most private questions stra,ght away and never let you go without getting the answer she need. She also puts her benefits in the first order, she does not care about other people’s needs at all, all her aim is to make her need compensated. Her problem is always the most important she can speak about it all day no matter you are too busy to listen to her all day. One more thing I dislike about her is the way she treats her mom and husband on the phone, she insults and yells at them at an open office, everybody has to listen to her insulting words.

    The positive thing about her, she taught me how to travel around the straight forward questions I do not want to answer, and really enhanced my patience limits. I am nearly the only one with whom she did not have big fight with- we had minor ones but still have -unavoidably rare- communication.

    Positive thing today
    handled a quite big issue in the best way I can
    received a gift package fm my collegues
    catch up with 21DPC:)

  23. I am struggling with this question today, as I try extremely hard not to dislike anyone, and even if I do for a while, I am a very forgivable person.

    Even my mother, despite everything she has called me and done to me, I don’t dislike her. We do not speak anymore but I still love her. Somewhere in there is the mom who used to tuck me in at night, help me with my homework and inspire me to reach for the stars. It’s the alcoholism that has destroyed her and our relationship. I can’t talk with her because it is always me who ends up in tears. I can’t mend something that doesn’t want to be fixed.

    Someone I dislike…

    Well, there was a student in a university class years ago who I disliked for destroying an old oil painting that an unknown artist had done. It was a beautiful landscape that was done in painstaking detail, and she cut holes in it, and glued things to it. I was a little upset at what she did and voiced my opinion. That’s when she told me that that artist didn’t matter because they weren’t famous.

    I suppose I dislike the situation so much because once it was ruined, it obviously couldn’t be fixed. That artist, whoever they were, put a lot of work into it, and it was destroyed by an art student trying to impress her professors with her bravery. Such a shame.

    What can I say that is positive about her? Her bravery is also the thing I think is strong in her, and allowed her to gain a great job after university and travel the world with her OWN art that she later made. As long as she doesn’t destroy anyone else’s work in the process, I’m okay with it now.

    My positive thing for today: There was an amazing thunderstorm this morning! Also having a great day at work so far. :)

  24. The first person that came to mind is my soon to be ex-husband. But once I started thinking about what it was that I disliked about him, I realized it’s not that I dislike *him*. I dislike his actions the past few years. They aren’t representative of the person I believe that he is deep down inside. And in my heart, I really want him to be the best person he can be. I want him to be growing in positive ways. I want him to use his talents and gifts to the best of his ability. I want him to be a good role model for our daughter. I know I can’t force my wants on someone else. I can only choose if I want to be a part of that person’s life or not. So even though I don’t think I dislike him, I’m going to list some positive things about him. He has an amazing ability to get things done when he wants to do them and he can build or fix anything.

    I talked to a few people at work today that I don’t normally talk to. I learned something new about one. She’s single and is learning how to do home improvement projects on her own. She even showed me some pictures of her projects.

    Positive things for today: Had great deep conversations with two people in my life yesterday. Still feeling really good about that today. It’s pay day and my tax refund check came in.

  25. There is a person to whom I am related by marriage and for many long years we have struggled to get on. We have never argued but equally have never really got beyond treating each other in a formal polite way as if we are acquaintances. I am sad that our relationship has never developed and I think that this person is too. I do know though that we both do the best we can and that what little relationship we achieve is better than none at all. I also think that we each irritate the other immensely and so have actually done very well over the years as the potential to actively dislike each other has been huge.

    I have had to accept that not everyone loves me (shocking though that is!) and that, as I see this person often, I can only be as friendly as I can each time. Sometimes it’s more difficult than other times.

    Her good qualities: she is a brilliant cook and homemaker in the traditional sense; she never gives up; she can be generous.

    Funnily enough I have to spend a whole day with her tomorrow (long story) so I truly will make an extra effort to celebrate her good qualities.

    One positive thing about today: my pension came through – I am properly retired.

    • As long as you can say you did the best that you can do, and you were yourself that is all that matters. There is no need to be someone you are not to make that person like you.

      I’m learning to be that way with my wife. Yes it’s hard, but since our values are not in line with each other, at the end of the day when I look back. The more I can see that I was being the person I want to be. And I feel better, and it does get easier.

      It’s disappointing that I have this feeling with my spouse, but I can honestly say, that I tried, we both tried. But I can say it’s just not going to work. She is not at that point yet. Deep down she knows, but she is not accepting the truth.

      And thinking about your Positive thing today, if this family member still will not get along with you, then you should extend your positive attitude to the other surrounding family members that will appreciate “YOU”.

      • Thank you for your kind words, Ken. The first paragraph you wrote was particularly helpful.

        I’m sorry things aren’t working out for you and your wife and I hope you both can manage whatever happens in the very best possible way with the minimum of hurt for you both.

        One relationship that is working well in my life is the relationship my husband and I have – and I feel very lucky in that sense. The person I have difficulties with is one of my ‘in-laws’. But it gives me the chance to develop a practice – a practice of being patient and friendly yet having strong boundaries. I’m trying to be thankful for being given the opportunity for this practice.

        Good luck Ken and thanks again for your reply.

        • You are very welcome. My accountability partner deserves all the credit.

  26. At first, I could not think of anyone I really dislike. I would say I dislike people who pretend to be nice and friendly, and who criticise you behind your back . I much prefer dealing with nasty people who are honest about it.
    I can think of such a person at the office. I’ve witnessed him talking very nicely to someone, then criticise him behind his back. I know from another friend that he also made comments on me when I was not around. The good thing about this person is that he is very health conscious, and watches his diet and fitness.
    It’s too late in the day to approach someone I dislike – will do it tomorrow.

    One positive thing about my day would be the successful completion of a work project.

  27. One person I dislike is somewhat is on of my co-bosses, mostly because she can be rude and self-centered at times. However, I also admire her because she does work very hard, is skilled at what she does, and is professional.

    Positive Things:

    It’s warm out today? I’m having a sort of neutral day, but I guess that kind of peace is a blessing too!

  28. I have a cousin who is not a likable person for various reasons. I think for me it’s the lying and drama that seems to surround her.
    However yesterday as I went for a walk, I did stop by her house because she was outside and chatted for just a moment.
    I have found myself able to say she has funny qualities that I do like. This has actually made it easier to be around her for several years now.
    There are many people in my life that I may dislike things about.
    I can think of only a couple people I truly dislike to a point of not wanting anything to do with them at all.
    I’m not sure if I would be able to have a conversation with them but I can point out at least one positive thing about them as a person. I try to do that with everyone in my life. Even to the pharmacy I use, the cashier is not a person I would choose to become friends with. A positive about her is that she does make each customer feel important.
    I really like this question.

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