This is Day 11 of the 21-Day Positivity Challenge held in March 2012, where we work on being positive for 21 days. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.
21DPC Day 11 Question
Yesterday, I asked you if there are any negative people in your life at the moment.
Some of you answered a “Yes”, and shared in detail who these people are and why they are present.
For those who answered a “Yes”, I’d like you to think over the following today:
How Can You Better Handle the Negative People (from Day 10)?
Be sure to check out the following related links:
Your Task:
- Reflect and answer today’s question(s). Write as few or as many words as needed to fully express yourself.
- Start applying what you wrote, starting from today.
- Execute at least one of the steps on one of the negative people you cited on Day 10 (or someone you didn’t cite, but can be a negative energy at times).
- Observe how the interaction goes, and ask yourself if it’s more positive, more negative, or the same as the past interactions with him/her.
- Think about how you can make it an even more positive experience for both you and him/her. Share your results with us in the comments section.
- Identify at least one positive thing about your day. It may be something small or something big – as long as you deem it as something positive, it counts. If you have more than 1 thing to share, then by all means, go for it!
Share Your Answers!
After you are done, share your answers in the comments area.
If you’re doing this at the start of the day, you can post your answer for today’s question first, then work on your positivity task throughout the day, then return at the end of the day to share your results for your positivity task and your end-of-day positive reflection.
Check out other participants’ answers. Pick 1-2 participants’ answers and make a meaningful reply to them. Engage in the discussions. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days!
(Images: Happy girl in the field, Blocking sunlight)
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How Can You Better Handle the Negative People (from Day 10)?
– Limit our interactions so they do not have occasions to fill me with their negative energy.
– Tell myself that their comments and behaviours may hurt me only if I let them do so. My feelings are my own responsibility and I can control them (at least to some level).
– Repeat to myself, when in a bad situation with an energy vampire: “I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you and I love you”. May sounds bizarre but I truly believe it helps. For more please check out the Hoʻoponopono – an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.
– Imagine a gold bubble protecting my body when the person appears nearby.
– Be conscious of what is happening within me when the energy vampire tries to drain my spirit and soul.
– Better understand how the negative person succeeds in making me feel embarrassed, exhausted, not valuable, bad.. Than break the chain! Gain control of the situation.
– Forgive, forgive and… forgive. It should be awful to be such a negative person! :hug:
– Find some positive traits within the negative person. Nobody’s perfect and nobody’s totally BAD.
– Find out which traits/behaviours of the other person provoke my strong response and check out if (by chance) I can have some of them from time to time.. I think that what annoys us within others, tells us a lot about some parts of ourselves that we do not want to accept.
Guess I covered this in my Day Ten writing about my negative colleague.
I tend to listen to my colleague, for a while anyway, before moving on to other topics. Luckily we can do this at work, as its very busy, and there’s no time for an in-depth conversation.
And I try to be positive, or funny with my comments.
My morning positive is that I slept well … my insomnia was not wildly out of control. Its easier to view life with a positive persective when you’re feeling healthy!
I can better handle my boyfriend’s sister’s negativity by not letting her personal issues and habits affect me. I have to accept that I need to concentrate on things that are under my control (ex: if a clean house makes me happy, then just clean it for me and not for anybody else). I have to let go of any resentment I have toward her and just love her the way she is. She has her good qualities and those are the qualities I must focus on and learn from, instead of complaining incessantly about her imperfections. I should instead concentrate on my own imperfections and work on them rather than criticizing her and focusing on what she’s doing wrong and how she should fix it. So the most challenging part of this is to forgive and move on to make life easier and more positive.
Well the best way to handle the people that are negative is too not fuel them. I should try to say more postive things about everything. I also think I should not point out the negative things that people do that usually just make them more negative and then angry. I think just trying to spread postivity will be the best!!!! I should smile more and see the beauty all around.
I am going to test it out on my sister when she gets home!
One postive thing about today is the wonderful book I am reading.
How can I better handle the negative people in my life?
I may have some-what answered this in yesterdays post. Yesterday I posted about two negative friends of mine. This is a constant battle I have with myself—how can I continue this friendship? SHOULD I continue this friendship? Can I tell them how I feel without ruining the friendship?
Friend No.1: I don’t think she is very aware of her constant negativity. She has a lot of other friends (who I am not friends with) who enable her negativity, probably because they are the same way. I have found that I can handle hanging out with her in small doses, and that I actually ENJOY hanging out with her a lot more when it’s only once in awhile. I think this is good for our friendship. And I think it is good for her too, because I try to bring positivity into her life. Whenever she starts to be negative, I just flip it around into a positive and smile, and hope that helps her realize that thinking positive can go a long way.
Friend No. 2: She is VERY aware of her ways…she is always stating how she knows she’s a control freak and that she’s very pessimistic. But her views are “this is me, take it or leave it”. It’s very hard to “take it”. As much as I feel like our friendship would benefit her in a positive way, I don’t think she feels that way. If she is not benefiting from our friendship, and I’m DEFINITELY not, then why should we continue to be friends? I’d love to help her, and be there for her (maybe her negativity stems from depression or something), but she makes it hard. She doesn’t LET anyone be there for her. She gets offended if someone tries to talk to her about anything. I think the best way for me to handle this is to just be straight with her. I need to tell her that her negativity is impacting my life in a negative way, and if she doesn’t care, then we can’t be friends. That sounds so harsh and I don’t know if I’ll actually have the guts to say that, but it NEEDS to be done.
One positive thing about my day: My husband and I continued to shop for a condo/townhome. We didn’t find anything yet, but we had a great time looking. And we really got to spend some quality time together, and I value that time with him. :)
I’ve learned many things about how to handle negative people over the years…I’ve found for the really negative ones it is best to avoid them if possible, and for the others it is important to deal with them on my terms, not theirs. Don’t let them bring you to their level is a very important rule.
I have been blessed with the possibility of positive new friends. :D
You just said something that just hit the spot… Don’t let negative people bring you to their level! Thank you for the reminder :)
:)
I tried to post this yesterday but the site seemed to be down all day.
How Can You Better Handle the Negative People (from Day 10)?
– As I said yesterday, my dad is probably the most negative influence on me, but I don’t ever see him. So instead of talking about other people being negative influences, I’m going to reflect on how I’m usually the most negative person around. I have been, and need to continue to, take the following steps:
1) Be aware of my thoughts/”self talk”.
2) Identify negative or unproductive thoughts and assess them objectively.
3) If there are any negatives thoughts that have some validity, change the wording in my head so that they are productive.
4) Act on those productive aspects.
5) Don’t worry about things I can’t change. For example, the thoughts/acions of others.
Start applying what you wrote.
– Working on it!
Identify at least one positive thing about your day.
– The yoga class I taught this morning went really well. Despite being the first official class, we had a great turnout – 15-20 people! They all seemed to enjoy and benefit from it. :)
The most effective way I can handle most of the negative people in my life is to first listen quietly and allow them to finish talking, once they have completely finished, I was like to end the conversation with a parable or proverb and allow them to think on it. Most times, they will come back and at least admit they understand where I am coming from. The others who are set on being negative, I listen to them to and train my mind to do the opposite, think the apposite and Thank them for their input, at least when they give you their input, now you can honestly weigh the pros and cons in your decision.
In regards to my co-worker, I can make sure to ground myself before going to work. I also need to not take her negativity personally. Being in a group helps, too. She doesn’t seem to get as worked up when there are lots of people around.
As for my dad, I’m not sure I have this issue figured out. I can offer to help or just listen to him, but I don’t think it would help. Staying positive around him I’m sure helps to some degree, and again grounding myself could prove to be helpful.
Positive thing for the day is daylight savings! Longer and warmer days are on the way!
I sort of answered on that question yesterday with : People are what you bring out in them…so advice to anyone who has problem with negative person is to try to change the way they perceive and treat that person and mutual energy will surely change…
I had a great lazy, relaxing Sunday with my partner and we worked out some recent problems, not all is solved but we are on good way for that now.
Although I am a day late, I would like to share on how to handle negative people. I happended to have a siste in law who, from time to time, for no reason known to us, ignored us point blank, did not talk to us, etc for months on end. I was first very upset but then understood that she is very unhappy and startred to bless her, whenever I saw her or thought about her. That calmed me down and eventually, when she came around, i told her that I blessed her all the time.
that made such a big impact on her and changed her for the better.
i try to do it with people at work too – they just do not g et upset about negaitvity any more.
Both of the primary negative people in my life are people I can’t easily cut from my life: my ex (my son’s father), and my mother.
Interestingly, I came across a journal entry I wrote a few months ago about this very topic. I wrote that when confronted with a negative statement, I need to try to respond in the most positive, constructive way possible. I already failed in this regard with one of my “energy vampires” this morning, but at least now I can reflect on the experience and share with all of you.
I checked a text message in front of my ex this morning and he asked me, “Who are you texting this early in the morning?” I immediately went on the defensive and my frustration was clear in my tone of voice. They told me if I was going to be stressed, go do it elsewhere! This really annoyed me, because in my view, they were the one who created a stressful situation.
I realize now that I should have ignored their accusatory tone and just answered them politely. The nature of the text message was something I needed to tell them about anyway, so I should have taken the opportunity to do so. I’m sure this would have diffused the situation and led to an actual productive conversation. Hopefully I can handle this the right way when a similar scenario inevitably happens again.
As a sidenote, the subject of the text message was a stressful problem, and I only got two hours of sleep in the last day so that definitely contributed even more tension to the situation.
I think I have made some progress in terms of limiting the effects of my Mom’s negativity, but I still struggle. I listen to her, but I have to set boundaries because she often gets offensive when other people don’t offer to “solve” her problems for her, even if it’s not possible for them to do so. I have to tell her very simply that I am ending the conversation because I will not be spoken to in that way, or I will not listen to her speak about other family members that way. It’s poisonous to me and my ability to feel happy and productive. Though the situation is still challenging, I do think I am doing my best to protect myself from her negativity while still being supportive.
Last night, I created a helpful mental image that is a combination of the “ground yourself” and “shield yourself” steps. I imagined myself as the big, strong oak tree with a dome-like shield around me. Inside the dome were my closest friends and family, people who make me feel genuinely happy. I imagined my “energy vampires” and other people who are negative influences on the outside of the dome. It made me feel protected, like everything that I love in life is in this impermeable bubble. It was a very warming and calming image.
One positive thing about today: Really this happened last night, but I had a long conversation with my old roommate who lives in another state. I really miss her and it was wonderful to hear about her new, amazing relationship.
How can I better handle the negative people (from Day 10)?
:twisted: While I try to appreciate & understand the existence of the negative people in my life, I can only say that they will only bring out the worst in me. I want to believe that they are here in my life to teach me a lesson or two. But I’ve also come to realize that they will always be toxic and can only drain me out emotionally & physically. Therefore I believe that self-preservation is most important and I can only choose to avoid them at all costs. (Sadly, for most of these energy suckers, I really can’t cut them away from my life…)
:p Today I’ve managed to steer clear of these negative energy people. But I also know that whenever I choose to walk away, I’m probably walking away the biggest opportunity to become that bigger person I’ve always wanted to be. What dilemma!
:clap: The one positive thing about my day is that I’ve observed a marked change in the attitude of one of the facilitators in the Alpha course. He has been one of the milder negative energy people I’ve identified as he is always quick to respond to others and quick to criticize or point out others’ flaws. However tonight I’ve seen how he tries to hold back comments and criticisms until all have spoken and how he tries to engage the group in a patient and tolerant manner. wow!
To handle the negative people better:
I had already determined to give my mother the greeting card version of my life: ‘I am fine. The kids are all healthy and happy. Work is fine. Hope you are well.’ This seems to work, yet she is able to get some nasty comments in to almost every conversation. We turned it into a game, and kept score. The worst was when she said something personal and unkind 10 times in 15 minutes. I no longer wait that long. Now I get off the phone with the first one.
In dealing with my ex, I wait until I feel happy and strong within myself, and give myself a time limit. His sense of time is skewed right now because of the mental illness, so it’s especially important that I have something to do that removes me from his animosity as fast as possible. He is not angry with me, just with everyone else. Still, it’s very hard to listen. Once I get a sense of his safety, I leave.
About my coworker: I need to be more prompt in shutting the door when she gets loud or swears. I feel bad, because she doesn’t otherwise get the light and fresh air. Maybe she’ll pick up on the cause and effect?
Yesterday (day 11), I resolved to NOT call my ex-boyfriend – he is still heartbroken a year after our breakup, and I feel sorry for him. But I don’t need to have his sad energy in my life right now. We can be friends later, I hope.
Positive about the day: I realized again that when I am tired, I make emotional decisions, and usually for the worse. Just knowing that allowed me to avoid a potentially uncomfortable discussion. I had a nice cup of tea and a 20-minute walk, and felt refreshed!
It’s difficult to deal with negative people/ conversations when the negativity generally stems from my own family. Over the years, I have just tried to ignore it. I tried saying for a while that I wasn’t interested in taking sides (since it was usually one family member against the other), but typically that just fueled the fire.
One family member I have had to completely remove from my life. Others I just stop talking when the negativity starts, or I will point out to them that I don’t agree with the conversation, and suggest another topic.
At work, I also try not to get caught up in a negative conversation. I try to focus on the positive, as I find it very unproductive when there is negativity present.
I wasn’t at work yesterday so I didn’t get a chance to “change” any of the negative conversation around me.
Instead, (and this is my positive for the day) my husband and I went out to neighboring towns and looked at some model homes. We found an area outside the city that we LOVE. It was so much fun, spending a few hours just driving around and exploring the countryside. We had a great time, and the dream of owning our own home one day seems that much closer! :D
The one negative person in my life is my wife. It’s kind of hard to get away from her while at home or on the weekend. So to avoid her, I usually end up going to the gym or going out and doing something I want to do. I will check to make sure we don’t have any plans (which is less and less now) but that is how I avoid being with a negative person.
Said, but we have made some progress. After our talks/fighting from Friday night she suggested maybe she will move back home to be with her parents for a while. Or maybe even rent a short term apartment by them. It’s kind of sad from past experience I can’t trust the words will match her actions, but it’s a step forward.
I gave her to the end of the month for her to talk to her parents about it.
Positive thing from day 11. My wife and I actually had a discussion with out yelling at each other.
You have to realize what those people do to you and avoid them if at all possible. If it’s a negative situation, you have to just take time to put it all in perspective and put what is most important first.
I am late for yesterday’s post but I don’t really have negative people but rather negative situations. From those, I try to step back and put things in perspective about what is really important.
The positivity from today is I learned someone’s character today and even though I don’t like it, I learned from it.
As I stated in my answer when asked about the negative person in my life, I just try to stay as far away from her as I can. When circumstances arise when we are in the same room together or she hands me something, I go out of my way to say thank you with a very big smile. This seems to irritate her and I giggle inside!
I am not going to ignore this person when the circumstances arise when we are in the same room, etc. but I am not going to go out of my way to be social.
Positive about today? Another very sunny and warm day :D
I have been giving this a lot of thought. The final answer I have found is to avoid these people whenever possible. When it is not possible, I will try to handle the situation better myself. I am going to try not to get so frustrated by their actions rather than accept that for the most part, their negative energy doesn’t have to bring me down. I am also going to try to change the subject with them whenever it is something negative. If they are trying to gossip about another person, I will speak of a positive I find in that person.
Hopefully this will work.
Positive: By reflecting on the negative people, I learned my reactions can be different.
Kinda answered it yesterday. Be more understanding and patient and don’t let them get to me. I didn’t leave the house yesterday so I had no chance to do the task :P:P
Positive stuff? Watched some TED talks, talked to Zeitgeist Movement members. They’re a lovely bunch :)
I will continue to avoid the really negative people in my life. As for the constant complainers, I will continue to turn their downers into more optimistic statements or at least, “no sense worrying about it now” or try to help focus on something else. I don’t like to complain and certainly don’t want to hear about other people complaining!
my positive thing from yesterday was seeing some immediate family for the first time in a looong time and reminding myself why I keep my distance. It was a good experience because sometimes i feel guilty about it – but i realized i definitely don’t need to.
I really love this post because I can relate to this. It has also turned into a positive experience for me to realize I don’t have to react to the negative people in my life and there is a reason I avoid them. They make me feel guilty and I shouldn’t because there are reasons I don’t want to be around them. Thank you for sharing. :)
I think it’s the growing realization that I can take control of how I react to, or handle the negative people in my life. It’s been a slow but constant shift in the lens through which I view them; now their deep-seated insecurities and pain are so visible that I clearly see that their negative thoughts (and sometimes, actions) have nothing to really do with me.
Positive: I am excited for the week ahead. Springing forward always makes me happy!
I agree. It has taken me time and I still have to remind myself that sometime my reaction to their action can control how they affect me also. In learning this it is easier to deal with some of the people that I can’t completely get out of my life due to family situations. I also love springing forward and it is gorgeous in my area today!! Have a wonderful week.
Yes – totally! Have a gorgeous week! Get some much deserved sun and fresh air – minus the negative people, if possible! Enjoy!
It would seem for me one of the ways I must deal wtih Negativity in my life is to not give it so much attention.
It feels as if the negativity in my life has heightened for me and the only thing I can attribute that too is the new focus on negative people, negative things as a result of this challenge. I am giving it too much attention and that is not how I handle negativity. My flight or fight response is most certainly flight. That does not make my repsonse the right one, the correct one, the best one but I have learned it is the one that works best for me and offers me a better daily, weekly, ongoing lifestyle.
I do not see another common factor that would make the impact on me lately.
I applaude CELES for all the beautiful writings, inspirations and help that she offers to so many.
I am going to step away from this challenge only as the focus is not working in my favor..
I will keep an eye for new challenges for sure
All the best to all
Smiles
I don’t really have any very negative people in my life – I mean, of course there are some people who are more likely to find it difficult to see the positive aspects in bad situations, but I’m just really wary of calling people ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ people. So whenever one of my friends is finding it difficult to see the good in a situation, I just try to point it out to them – and failing that, go and do something fun with them :)
If there was someone in my life who really, really refused to see the good in any situation, and managed to turn even the positive things into negative things – and they said that they cared about me – I think I’d be absolutely honest with them and tell them that their attitude was bringing me down. But there’s no-one like that that I can think of.
Positive things about the 11th? There are several :) A friend of ours came over for ‘brunch’ (for the non-English speakers here, it’s when you get up late in the morning and it’s too early for lunch, but too late for breakfast – so you have a fairly big meal and don’t eat again until dinner. It’s often ridiculously unhealthy stuff – fried bacon, eggs, sausages etc, but we make a healthier version :)) Then, I realised that I had a lot of carrots in the fridge so I baked a carrot cake (again, I hear this is a really weird concept for some people! Believe me, it works! I made this one, with some variations, different icing, and gluten-free flour as our friend can’t eat gluten – http://www.deliaonline.com/recipes/type-of-dish/sweet/the-ultimate-carrot-cake-with-mascarpone-fromage-frais-and-cinnamon-icing.html). While it was cooling we went for a walk in the gorgeous weather, and spent lots of time standing on a bridge over a stream watching a pair of ducks. When we got home we ate the carrot cake ;) and sat around talking and playing games until our friend left. It was just such a perfect day :)
Sounds like you had the perfect Sunday! Filled with connections, great food and weather, and just amazingness! (:
Stay away as much as possible.
I have tried to talk to the negative person, it kind of help but then we cannot really change someone of who he or she is..
Positive thing about the day, I went to a friend’s place. She is moving with the family and I asked her little daughter, if she gonna miss me? she replied yes : )
My heart just squeezed!
Exactly! Well, I’d like to expand about the second part, because staying away is not always so possible. What I found out is we have to give up control, and our desire to help others. All we can do is lead by example. Then when they are ready themselves to learn, they will mimic or ask us questions on how to get there, at which point we help them! C=
My negative people were my mom and myself
Actually I applied a method a few days ago when my mom was again telling me about how a relative of us is trying to make things in favour of himself and against her own like, a matter of deceving we can say. I listened to her without interrupting and I said it is her call to do what she aims to do but I am not interested in this issue and it makes me feel uncomfortable so I prefer not to be involved and informed about this. I did this very calmly, no sign of anger or disappointment in my voice or manner. She said ok, we did not have a fight, generally it would end up with a fight. So I guess it worked well:)
When it is myself it is not this easy becouse I tend to perceive the critcism of people to judge my own wealth, and give automatic reaction. What I am doing is now I go to another room and speak to loudly myself my reaction, not to the person, so I do not regret what I tell him/her. After a while I do not feel do bad anyway.
This morning I have an energy vampire around me, she was continuously puffing around me. I started up the computer next to me for her and told she can work in internet and now she is silent:)
Positive thing for the day
Had a warm phone conv with my husband
Had a very positive phone conv with a supplier I am working with
Refuse to be drawn into an argument..be gracious and understanding ..but firm do not allow yourself to be manipulated and if this in beyond you ..remove yourself from the situation..being able to say no to peoplke is a skill ..that is most important especially if they take up too much of your energy and render you ineffective or at risk of saying something you didnt want to sat..hence..noone wins,,
I think the biggest thing I can do right now is to stop being the negative person in my own life. I have a thing with trying my best to destroy and self-destruct instead of building. I can’t really blame anything on having negative friends because I let the negativity into my life. Even the positive friends I do have I expect too much from at times. The one person I mentioned before is not a negative person, but I choose instead to use this person in a negative way. I need to stop that!
My days and nights have been a blur this weekend. I sit here awake right now hours earlier than I should be waiting for sunrise so I can take my dog to the park, then maybe come back and sleep before work. We just had daylight savings time in the states so it is a little tough to adjust when you don’t have a normal sleep schedule. Let’s see… something positive since what I will call yesterday… I finally got around to making the chicken pesto pasta which was yummy!
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