This is Day 15 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge held in Nov 2011. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.
Hi everyone – Welcome to Day 15 of 21DJC! :) We’re now in the 3rd and final week of our 21-Day Journaling Challenge!
Yesterday’s question was: “What Is Love?“. (Read the responses.)
Here are some beautiful responses from some participants:
“Love is faithful, it is everlasting, it is patient and kind. It’s an appreciation for another person in spite of or because of their faults and problems.” — Peggy
“Love means accepting a person for what they are. Love means that warm, happy feeling you get when you are near, or think about the object of your love. Love means feeling safe, and appreciated.” — Julia Shirey
“Love is feeling part of Something Greater than myself, a feeling of being “home” with myself in the Presence of that Greater Self. Love actually to me is feeling connected to The Source, the Place inside my Highest Self that exists simply because the Spark of Divine breathed me into existence. Love is the feeling of warmth I feel in my heart when I help others, or give freely to others.” — Brett
“Surprisingly, I find it hard to describe love in words or phrases. So move on to feeling and emotion. Upon reading or hearing the word ‘love’ if feel extremely happy and joyful. And I found when I’m happy and joyful. I’m feeling the emotion of love. I can smile towards others, nice to others, content, and at peace.” — Fiat
“Love is a total commitment to the ultimate good of the beloved.
Love is not a mere feeling… it goes beyond that, into wordless devotion.” — Prion
“Love to me right now is nothing more than feeling compassion for fellow humankind or earthlings. It fuels me for what I’m doing and with whom I’m hanging out or having a conversation.” — lotusbleu
“Love, to me, is the bond that connects me to everyone else in the world.” — Jeffrey Q
“Love is confidence; appreciation; acceptance; trust; communication; kindness; sharing. Love means giving second chances and working towards better self, with support and encouragement. Love means being geared up to do what drives you forward and never get tired of them.” — Viole
“Love for me means sharing caring respectful warm heart felt relationships, giving without conditions, spontaneity openness and frankness.” — Bob
“[Love] means to accept others and be accepted for who one really are. It means to stay and stick with somebody in the bad and the good, it’s to give without wanting and spend quality time together. … Love is making a silly random joke to put a smile on another person when everything feels like it will end, love is when you give it all up for another and love is when you feel loved and love in return. :heart: ” — fufu
“This is the first time I read all the comments before posting. So this smile on my face? That’s love. To get to know you and your deepest thoughts. Beautiful people with beautiful souls, thank you. :) ” — Andreea
“Love to me is when you know that you [are] not perfect and you don’t expect perfection from others. First you have to love yourself to love others. Loving others the way you love yourself. … Seeing all of someone’s good qualities as opposed to thinking about all their bad qualities. ” — Vanessa
“To me, love means accepting people as they are, not trying to change them into who you think they should be. Unconditional acceptance without judgment. Knowing when to hang on and when to let go. Unconditional respect without judgment. If understanding is not possible, having a true yearning to understand. Seeing someone’s eyes light up when they see you or vice versa.” — Stella Zorro
“Love to me is like a synonym for care and understanding…
Love is where no lies exist…..the faces of the two should have a spring water like clarity
Love is where no need for unnecessary pushing and fussing exists.” — ASLO
For me… Love is transcendent. Love is the universal link that binds all living beings together.
Love is what sets apart the living beings from the non-living things. Love is what we live for. Love is the reason we are alive. Love is the reason we will continue to live.
Love makes us grow stronger, greater, better, more beautiful, than we would be by ourselves.
Love is greater than anything there is in the world.
Love is what I have for all of you, and love is what keeps me going every day.
I love all of you.
With that said, let’s now move to today’s question!
21DJC Day 15
Yesterday we talked about love – what it is and what it means to us. Today’s question is about the emotion that’s on the other end of the spectrum – Pain.
What is the Most Painful Thing You Have Ever Experienced To Date?
Think back to all your life experiences to date. Can you point out one incident which has been the most painful to you in the past X years you have been alive? What incident was it? What happened during the incident? And why was it painful to you?
(Painful can be defined as anything that makes you feel sad, upset, sorrowful, depressed, pained.)
Your Task Today:
- Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
- Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
- Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
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The lost of my father when I was 8 yrs old. Although I was too young to know the significant of the lost, it really haunts me everytime I remember those moments I spent in the funeral home where we spent our Christmas and New Year while my father was in the casket. In spite of the many years that passed, still the holidays are my saddest days of the year because of that incident. I don’t show it and I don’t know why. Only now I realized why I am sad and lonely every Christmas and New Year.
The betrayal of my father to me. He’s a child molester, ’nuff said.
21DJC#15: What is the Most Painful Thing You’ve Ever Had To Experience To Date?
I never had the courage to talk about this online before, but now I’m going to share it here for the first time.
My dad used to hit me when I was young. It was a very painful experience to me (both physically and emotionally). Whenever I did something wrong (in his opinion), he used to hit me with his leather belt.
I remember he once hit me while I was asleep, and once he slapped me on the face. He was in the army back then.
He doesn’t hit me anymore today, but I still hide in my room (as all my siblings do) when I hear him at the door.
We rarely talk to each others, and we never make eye contact. He doesn’t seem to care about that. If we met in the street (and sometimes we do) we’d walk past each others like perfect strangers.
Last summer, I had to work so I can pay for my school tuition because he wouldn’t pay it himself.
In a nutshell, my relationship with my dad was the most painful experiment of my childhood (and probably my life). But I got used to living with a dad, a supportive one at least, so it’s not a big deal anymore.
After posting this, I had a weird dream about my dad hitting me because I returned home late. But I didn’t, it was a misunderstanding and he wouldn’t listen to me.
So he started beating me with his belt like he used to when I was young.
I don’t know what this means, but apparently the issue hasn’t been resolved yet. At least not at subconscious level.
Does anyone have any idea?
It was when my grandmother died, i could feel my soul and it was all in pain.
Most painful thing I’ve experienced to date?
There are two things really – but if I am to just pick one –
Infidelity.
Tore me up, and put me through the grinder.
No further elaboration is needed for those who understand, and no further warning should be required for those that do not.
I had to think about this one. The saddest thing would be the death of my sister. I am from what was a very close knit family.
My sister passing meant there was no one from my immediate who remembered our wonderful past but, me. To this day the thought overwhelms me.
P.S.
After writing about the most painful of experiences, I was just looking at Celes’ comments and her writing on her most painful experience. And about not holding back on feeling the pain, “to soak in the emotion.”
That triggered a memory of both times after my parent’s deaths, I recall having such a primal scream at some point after they had died. When I emoted in such a powerful way, I BECAME the scream. It came from the deepest place within me. It took on a life of its own. The scream, the anguish, represented the depths of despair and grief being released, but also my voice at its full volume. With such a big sound, I would be heard. So many times, I wasn’t heard. I had a voice and I was using my voice in the most uncensored way. It was honest, wild, and primal. It was also, in some way, an attempt to cry out to my Mom or my Dad, to unite with them, and also for the Heavens to hear. Take me in your Loving Arms, and comfort me. Only the Divine could comfort the depths of sadness and feelings of powerlessness.
I did feel a huge release after the screaming and wailing, but it also took time for me to heal after both my Mother and Father died, They were such huge influences in my life, still are. Love and peace has prevailed beyond the traumas of family separation and lost inheritance, even though all that changed the course of my life forever. I still to this day need to be mindful and aware of the company I keep…unfortunately there are predators about…I need to attract those who are without cruel motive, have a loving heart, and generous spirit. i have a voice that deserves to be heard today, and respected.
Celes, I am grateful of your insight and guidance, encouragement, and support. I have gained alot from reflecting upon and writing on the different topics in this 21DJC. Alot of work, these past days that I have given myself to thinking and writing about so many things. It’s been clarifying, enlightening.
Deep thanks to you Celes, and gratitude for all you do to make the world a better place!!! Bett
The most painful feelings for me involve the feelings of being unsupported, even betrayal. Especially painful since it involved family members or “best of friends.” Especially painful since these betrayals and being unsupported involve people into whom I invested so much time, energy, and attention, invested so much of my heart and mind and body, that their utterly being unavailable to me, their turning their back to me was just so utterly heartbreaking and mind-blowing. It just was, each time, so shocking to me, that to whom I had given so much, feeling we had unbreakable bonds, I discovered that when i was no longer of use, or there was no more for them to receive, I was minimized, ignored, and discarded. The opportunistic, irresponsible, conniving nature of these people became obvious to me, as did their attempts to make me the fall guy, or the bad guy. It is now so obvious to me when any perpetrator tries to make the victim into the perpetrator.
Having one’s bank account drained is one thing, and I do take responsibility for allowing that to happen, to a certain extent. I needed to trust my gut instincts, and I didn’t. Very high price for that. But being taken advantage of emotionally, physically, that was something that I really didn’t see coming, and it was brutal. I have learned the hard way not to put another person’s needs/desires ahead of mine, because now I am in the longterm consequences of putting someone else first. I gave my power away, giving others the unconditional support I so desperately needed to give to myself.
For I will never leave myself, through the thin and the thick, where others, whom I have supported, can and certainly have abandoned me. I am my greatest cheerleader, but I did not give that support to myself. I abandoned myself to the point of self-sabotage, and allowed myself to punish myself with isolation and bingeing on unhealthy junk foods to the point of unbelievably huge weight gain. It’s like I was raised to think of the other person first, like they were more important than I was, and what they thought of me was based on how good I made them feel. Make THEIR dreams come true. And what I thought of myself was based on what they thought of me. So if I didn’t perform favorably, whatever THAT was, I would be outcast. It took me a long long time to unravel all that crap, and begin the process of nurturing and loving myself.
No more broken dreams and unmet goals for me today. No leaving myself today, no punishing myself, no more bingeing and weight gains, or taking on the burdens and unmet responsibilities of someone. Today it is about self-reverence, self-knowledge, and self-control. Honoring myself, knowing who I am and standing tall in that truth. Do what I need to do to take care of myself. I just must trust that all my needs will be met, and in the best possible way, because i have faith in myself, am true to myself and my destiny, and the Divine that lies within me, and guides me every step of the way.
When my Mother passed away, I went into a shock, a disbelief that the world could go on, or that I could go on, without her. Nothing, not even the world, would be the same without her. I had difficulty forming complete sentences for awhile. I was very disoriented and a close friend just did not have it in him to be available for me, despite all my modeling over years what being available looks like. Noone could be there for me at this cataclysmic event. Not one person. I had to draw close to Spirit to rest in the Arms of the Divine for the peace that passes understanding.
When my Father passed away, it was another huge and devastating shock and rude awakening, because an older brother had a master plan to take everyone’s inheritance, and disconnect completely from the family forever. A younger sister with whom I thought had a loving relationship with me, turned her back on me and tried to align herself with the brother who had the insidious plan to undermine all other family members, including her. The family that my parents raised never really came together or stayed together after either of their deaths…which certainly speaks volumes of the family never ever really was truly together. Noone to share those particular family memories with. So so so sad. Wait, that’s not true…I share those memories with myself. But you know what I mean.
Somehow, it took these lessons of betrayal and non-support and non-approval to get me where I am today. The harsh and shocking experiences got my attention, and taught me to take care of me, nurture me, be supportive of myself, standing in the Truth. I do not feel hardened to being open and receptive to others, not at all…I am just more wise and careful. I have some supportive and loving people in my life today, not a partner, though, don’t know if that is in the cards for me, but I am not closed to that happening. I do know that I have learned to be loving to myself and be selective of who I am with. Time is precious, and I have a destiny to fulfill.
I have a feeling that I am not alone. In this story, or at least in the feelings in this story, and in my daily comings and goings, I have the feeling that i am never alone. For that I am very grateful, because I used to feel very lonely. And very alone. And I would stuff those feelings. Now I know I have myself, and I have the Divine Source within me that breathed the Spark of Life within me and guides me forward to realize my true purpose.
After reading painful experiences of many, i realized that my pains are not really pains. Except one incident that hurt me most happened when i was around 6 or 7, don’t remember anything else except that. I was angry with mom (don’t remember why) and left for school without having breakfast and lunchpack. Mamma follow me crying for having lunch atleast, but i refused to hear and left. I am sorry mammi for that. I love you sooo much.
As a sickle cell disease patient I’ve had many painful experiences in my life since i was a kid, but the most painful of them all was when i had a priapism that lasted for one week. I can’t explain what it was like to be in such excruciating, non-stop pain for one week despite all the drugs that was administered. I never knew there was something that could be more painful than that until i was booked for a major surgery to restore the condition. That night, i had two emergency surgeries on my private part to bring it back to normal. The pain of both the catheter and the operation itself is what i don’t think will ever vanish from my memory. I prayed for death that night, i was mad that something in this world could be that painful to me. I got more depressed in my pains as i looked at my mother and my favorite sibling who donated blood for the operation and watched painful tears trickled down their eyes. I could not console them because i was close to madness from the pain. When the surgery was over and i was back to normal, i thought it was really over but i never knew that the physical pain was the beginning of my psychological and emotional pain. I went through the operation and in no time i was back at my feet. After a few weeks i noticed that i cannot achieve erection anymore when i woke up. I tried watching pornography to make sure that i am still ok but unfortunately i had become impotent from the operation. I complained to my doctor and he told me that so many things had been damaged because of how long the priapism took before the operation. He nevertheless assured me that the chance is only 50-50, that i might or might never be ok. That they will commence treatment on that and start giving me drugs to see to the restoration of my impotence. It’s been a while (up to 2yrs) and no visible change had been seen on the condition. I was not so bothered about it since i still have life. My mum always worried about it and its painful to add more drugs to the drugs i was already taking as a sickler.. After trying Cialis as prescribed by my doctor, it was not so effective, he suggested injection of Caverject since the Cialis did not work but i told him that i am not ready to have any more pain administered to my private part because of this condition. I stopped seeing him. Then what brought back my psychological pain was my gal friend’s attitudes and comments towards me. I never knew that people could be that unreasonable despite the amount of trust you place on them. I told her in confidence about my problem, she pretended to understand but as time goes by she started using mocking words on me about the condition. I still took it as a joke from her since we’ve known each other for more than five years. But it was not a joke anymore. She went to the extent of introducing me to her new boyfriend and made a statement that until today, i still feel pained each time i remember that statement. She openly told me in front of her new boyfriend that she can no longer stay with someone like me that is impotent. That i am less of a man as far as she is concerned. That statement struck my heart so bad. It did not struck my heart because it was a negative statement, it struck my heart because it was coming from her. I told her everything that has happened in confidence, yet she referred me as “Less of a man”. I thought about it as i left. It gave me sleepless nights. I wondered why she didn’t just walk away without such statements. She could have just walked away and never bother to come again instead of making that statement. I couldn’t understand her reason for making that statement till today. I’m still thinking about it. Since then, i bear everything that happens to me without letting a word of it to the ears of anybody. I stopped trusting, i stopped confiding. Until now, i have not been able to forget the way her lips moved when she said those things. Can’t really understand why things happened that way, but i leave everything to providence who brought such pains to my way, both physical, psychological and emotional. Still thinking…
That is a very sad story indeed but you gotta move on with your beautiful life no matter what happened. The best thing to do is to stop thinking about it.
My dad’s death is the most painful thing I have been through. I lost him at age ten.
Looking back, I have a lot to choose from. So many people dear to me that I’ve lost and other painful experiences. Still, I can’t say my life has been bad. Mixed up with the bad was a lot of good and a lot of happiness.
So anyway, out of all of the bad things that have happened, one really stands out. When my husband died five years ago, I felt I should be the one to tell his parents. He was the second of their three children to die in less than 10 years. It was without question, the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I waited around for hours, trying to work up the courage, and finally my mom had to call me and give me a pep talk so I could get it over with.
It was the very last thing I ever wanted to have to tell them, and yet, it didn’t feel right that they should hear it from anyone else.
Feb 14, 1996. And not it was not a broken heart. But a broken back. I was playing basketball for my college team, feeling in great shape, being at the top of my shape, being a mere young 23 who thought nothing could harm me. But our team was low on people and I was subbing in for a position, a forward, where although I am good, I am only 5 foot 6″ and I’m really more a guard in style, being fast and can drive and shoot from the outside. Anyway, within seconds I’m tackling for a rebound against a 6 foot+ woman from Brighton and I hear crack as my spine is crunched under the weight of her (or may there were two of them) and i fall to the floor unable to move. Obviously shock came in, but disbelief as I was carried off the floor. I found I could not stand or walk. I don’t know how I made it home, but clearly something was wrong and I had trouble walking and got worse and wound up on the floor for days. When I finally got a doctor out to see me at home (the NHS has a waiting list) I apparently had done something really wrong and it would take weeks to find out that I had herniated multiple discs in my back and tore lots of muscles. To make a long story short, I went through an incredible amount of emotional pain as I deal with the pain and the pain recovery, and the fear I could not walk again. I was assisted with a wheelchair and canes for a while as I went through a recovery program without surgery (I was against surgery at all angles). I managed to make a full recovery, but after a very long time. It took 1 year to get back to normal life and a good 4 more years to get back to an active life. When I think back at my mid-20s when I had all these plans to do so many things (travel, explore, climb mountains, go diving, etc.) but I could not participate, I am saddened at having to put my life on hold. I am grateful today of my active lifestyle and cherish every moment because I know what it was like to have it taken away. It was a very painful one year, and a total of painful five years where a lot of patience and future-thinking was needed. It was also very painful to learn who my friends were, who helped out with my shopping or cleaning, when I could not do so. And it was very painful to learn that my Phd advisors (I had just started a PhD) had thrown away my work, when I was absent for 6 months to get some intense physio-treatment, thinking I would not come back. Well, I did come back, and it was painful to get back on track without such support. Very painful indeed.
As far as lives go, I haven’t been through a lot. I work for a companies that deals with persecution in the Middle East and North Africa, so I know how rough some people have it. But I think one of the most painful experiences was when my grandfather passed away during my senior year of high school. We were close, even though he lived 6 hours away. And when he went into the hospital I knew he wasn’t going to come out this time. Mom went up and stayed with him, and I begged to go with her. But alas, I had to stay and go to school. When he did die, my family and I drove up and we were involved in the funeral. I will never forget how my great-aunt, his older sister, bawled when she walked in. He was 72, she 96. He was the baby, she was the oldest…out of four. She never expected to outlive him. It was hard. Now my grandmother lives with us. I hate to say it, but it is so hard for me to connect with her. Maybe it is because when I am with her I miss my grandfather even more. Maybe I just can’t empathize with the elderly yet. I don’t know, but it is hard.
There had been some painful things I had to experience so far but one incidence in particular was very hurtful. All I can say is I wasn’t keeping well and worsening I was not able to find anyone to say my grievance and was scared to talk about it to anybody or see the doctor. Not just that, others waited and watched although they could have done something about it. I was admitted to the hospital in almost unconscious state and had to undergo medication for more than a month, all of which was very painful for me emotionally. Now I think if it really had to be like that and nothing else could be done? I don’t want to regret or relive that past and so have decided to let go… I am sure I will be able to give myself full freedom in that bearing and live this life of mine with happiness and peace.
The most painful experience could when I have problem in primary school, helpless and always alone.
Several incidents ran across my mind when I read today’s journal challenge question: break-ups, surgeries, lost friendships, accidents, childhood teasing… but none of those match my battle with depression.
I found the above image, and I thought it was a good visual of what living with depression — or at least my depression — feels like. The vast emptiness swallows you so that you view the world through a dim, dulled lens. The pain is sharp at times, aching but constant at others, and it permeates everything… even those drips of happy moments you catch. Depression claims you, and over time, you lose who you were, who you are, and you just become sadness and exhaustion. Oh, the exhaustion is overwhelming. I remember just being so tired with life — with my life in particular. I was truly lost. Nothing excited me, nothing stirred the passion inside me. I just hurt. All. The. Time.
I faced two periods of deep, serious depression, both of which followed romantic break-ups but also times of intense change in my life. I think the combination of losing someone I cared about, questioning my self-worth and attempting to find my way on new ground was the recipe for the perfect storm.
The first came during my freshman year of college, and lasted through my sophomore, and maybe even the beginning of my junior year. I was away from home, in a big city, by myself. Unlike some of my friends, I didn’t have fellow high school classmates at my selected university, and that university had a starkly different culture than the warm, comfortable high school I left. I had a strong vision for my education and future career, but that was about all I had. I didn’t make friends easily because I didn’t know who I was and I wasn’t will to trust. I didn’t even trust myself, that I made the right choice for me at the time. Eventually, I made friends — people who understood me — and I realized my high school friendships weren’t going anywhere. I learned to lean on my support system and on myself. I started to appreciate where I was and open myself to new people and experiences — although not as much as I now wish I did. The depression faded.
It came raging back after college graduation. Again, I had just broken up with my boyfriend at the time, and I was not where I always thought I would be. I wasn’t working in my field. I wasn’t even writing. I was discouraged and defeated. Again, I didn’t know who I was, and I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust myself to make the right choices, to know the right path, to accomplish my goals and dreams, to be successful. It was self-sabotage at its worst. I recognized this demon within, and I reached out for help. I clued friends into what was going on, and I even asked my doctor to recommend a psychologist, whom I never called. I didn’t have the courage. DON’T LET THAT BE YOU. I eventually recovered and bounced back, but the process could have been faster, easier, more comfortable and ultimately more enlightening with professional help. I believe that by not seeking professional help, I left myself open to be struck a third time.
I missed out on so much because of my depression. Two formative years — after high school and college graduation — that are supposed to be about self-discovery, trial and error, beginnings, growth, and acceptance were fraught with nothing but pain, sadness, isolation, self-hate, fear and loss. I do not have any regrets in my life except for this one: that I let depression take over and steal those years from me. Whenever I feel myself slipping, I remember that, and I refuse to let those feelings and that dark side of my mind take any more from me.
Most painful experience I had was to trust the wrong guy. No one should ever entrust themselves to another person and make your growth, happiness and self the other person’s responsibility.
Betrayal hurts a lot, so do disappointments.
But they are necessary to allow us to grow and be stronger in time. That is also how we learn to be wiser.
We fall, we scratched ourselves, we bled, we cried, we wept, we mourn in silence, we felt lonely…. Then we find ourselves, we understand ourselves, we learn what we did wrong and where to improve.
We take ressponsibility for ourselves, we make ourselves happy…
And we live….
I’m thinking about some things that happened over my life that were painful and there have been a few over the years, but the one that affected me the most was when I broke up with my girlfriend at age 23. I had dated a few women before and was left by some and left some others, but that was the first real relationship I had ever had that went beyond dating for a couple of months. It was great for about 5 months, and I had asked her to marry me. But things started to turn sour. I won’t go into the details, but after another couple of months, I realized that while I could continue to date her, I didn’t think marriage was in store for us. Then after another couple of months, she started to see someone else. I was 23 and struggling in grad school, stressed out, and no money. She started seeing an older 35 year old guy on the sly,
I found out and felt betrayed. We broke up, but decided we could still go out occasionally, but I later decided that I wanted to make a clean breakup and get her out of my system.
I was angry, sad, humiliated, etc.
She would up getting burned by him and shortly left the state to live with her parents and on the day she was to leave, she called and asked me to come see her to say goodbye.
I decided not to show up, as one last angry gesture, and to this day I feel bad about that. I feel like I should have accepted the good part of our relationship for what it was and not hold on to anger about the later part of our relationship, because I knew it wasn’t going to last anyway.
Anyway, I had trust issues before that and that was a time where I really opened up and exposed my vulnerability, and got slammed. I was depressed for months and could not get involved again for quite some time.
I’ve had other painful experiences, such as friends dying, that seem like they should be more painful than a broken relationship, but that was the one that caused me the most emotional turmoil over an extended period of time.
My heart goes to all of you. I admire how strong you are.
I haven’t experienced really big losses so far, and after reading all the comments my “pain” seems irrelevant, but since I’ve wrote it already – I’ll paste it here.
(Lack of self confidence)
One was when I was bullied at school for 8 years. I felt miserable constantly and struggled to see light. However, it was long time ago and it doesn’t even bother me when I write it. I only recall it as a fact, but not as a feeling. I can still see some lasting effect of it, but not necessary bad-only.
(Family not getting along)
Another one was when my parents separated. I felt constant void at some part of me, like something was broken. It was like living with something that was wrong, which would not pass over time. I was 23 years old and it shook all my life, my values.
I still react sensitively when conflicts happen between my family members, but I try not to take any sides and try to convince myself that I am not responsible for it, that these are their problems and I can just be a friend to all of them, be it together or separate. I feel helpless when it comes to this – because I love all of them, I understand both sides, but I still cannot change how they feel or act.
(Heartbreak)
The most painful for me was to break up with my boyfriend after 4.5 years of relationship. I associated my live with him and didn’t think about breaking up as an option. Talking with him after that and realizing how we both influenced the situation which we were in was painful. That he never associated his future with me, that he felt better alone than with me. Knowing that I was not good enough.
I remember having psychosomatic reactions like physical pain and discomfort; trying to sleep through all of the time I was not working – so I would not be conscious, would not think, and would not feel; waking up at night from the beat of my heart – intense and rapid – with anxiety and the urge… to do something about it and save the relationship; then talking myself into sleep again.
However, this is also healed. And I am actually happy that this happened, the way it happened. I know exactly what I learned from it. I am also happy that I am not with that guy, because I see that we were not even close to looking at the same direction in life.
(Other people’s pain)
But the most painful for me is when my dearest ones are going through pain and I can do nothing about it, or when I realize that I am causing pain to others, especially to my loved ones.
I was abused as a child. Not real comfortable posting details in such a public forum.
The most painful experience I have went through was on September 12, 2000. My grandmother that raised me passed away that morning.
Both my grandparents raised me. I had lost my grandfather April 1994 before I graduated high school. This was so hard but he had a stroke and was sick almost a year and my grandmother and her oldest daughter, my aunt, took care of him. His stroke hurt me and I felt so distant from my friends my senior year because I felt none of them could understand my pain. Then in August 1994, after I graduated, my aunt passed away in her early 40’s. Very unexpected and only 4 months after my granny had lost her husband, she had to deal with the loss of a child.
I’ll make a side note here: My grandparents had two daughters. My aunt and my mom. My mom was somewhat in the picture but not consistently. I clung to my grandmother whom I seen as my mom because the fact was she lost a husband, I lost a father figure. I lost an aunt, she lost a child. It was very painful times and I think we depended on each other for support.
Also my best friend and I met when we were 4 years old. Both lived in the same small town, grew up together and ironically our lives were almost the same. Her grandmother raised her too. The morning my grandmother passed away, I turned to my friend and her grandmother told me she would pray for me. Her grandmother passed away that night in church. She had a heart attack.
I was devastated. My best friend was devastated. And to date, this is the most painful event in my life. Though I have suffered many losses since then, from my mother to my biological father after knowing him a year. My grandmothers death is the one that haunts me daily.
From 2000 to 2010 I experienced really painful times. My loving and dear grandmother died. It’s been a great shock to me even if she was ill. I wasn’t prepared at all and my heart sank deeply into sorrows. Three years later my grandfather joined her. Pain came back but less acute, I was prepared. We had experienced his decline. And four years later my mother also died. Strong acuteness. Then we split up with my husband.
I felt a strong need to get my life back, to undertake to know who I really was what were my real desires, what really fed me.
And on the way I met Personal Excellence Blog and I really do like and appreciate this long journey I embarked on. Thank you.
I had just got done leaving my post, and as I scrolled up, yours was the first one above mine. Strangely enough, mine was almost ironically the same. My grandparents raised me. To date, my grandfather, grandmother, aunt, mom, biological dad, and very dear cousins and friends have all passed away. My grandmother hit me the hardest in 2000. I am sorry for your losses because I know how painful it is to deal with. I have spent half of my life self destructing because I didn’t know how to deal with any of it. My grandfather passed away my senior year of high school in 1994 and 4 months later my aunt. He had however had a stroke the year before so as you said, I was kind of prepared, but I was 16/17 years old, so it left me with emotions I didn’t know how to deal with. Thank you for sharing this. Blessed be. :heart:
The most painful thing I’ve had to deal with is my physical issues with my knee.
It started 15 years ago when I first twisted and dislocated my knee. A few weeks later, I was developing discomfort and serious pain when I was exercising, and then my knees started giving out.
The next 3 years consisted of pain and falling over. The fear of even thinking about running was hindering me on a daily basis. I went to specialists, got a few X-rays, as well as an MRI (with no results-the doctor saw nothing wrong in my joint).
Eventually, there were small bits of cartilage floating around and eventually forming large enough that I could feel it using my fingers. I went to see a different specialist this time and was able to get operated on to remove these. The doctor performed an arthroscopic surgery cutting small holes to remove the little balls of cartilage. I was relieved to have the cartilage cleaned out.
After I recovered, I thought I was in the clear. But after a few months, the bits of cartilage started forming again. I was back in surgery a year later to clean it out again.
My knee has been free of debris (as far as I can tell), but it still gives out sometimes. I finally got a proper diagnosis from an (another) orthopedic specialist last year to realize that it has something to do with a muscle known as the Vastus Medialis Oblique. It is what has been causing my knee to give out.
Although my knee joint hasn’t fully healed yet. It’s a relief now that I know what’s wrong with it, but it’s still a psychological burden on not knowing if my body can handle the normal limitations of exercise. It feels like my body is still betraying me. It’s painful on the different aspects of my life: psychologically, physically, and emotionally.
I try to live life moving forward and trying to push the pain down and base it on the idea of the quote: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional” -unknown.
Its exactly 23 years to date,and thinking about it now brings equal pain that i felt that day. It was the first time as an adult that i shed tears of agony and sorrow. He was our first baby, so cute and playful and was only four months old. Neither, me nor my wife ever wanted to miss even a single minute of the joy he brought to us. I am even shading tears as i am writing this, because he died
in my arms. I saw my world evaporating as my little angel took his last breath. He had caught diorea that was at large at that time and could not eat anything that he got dehydrated in just a day. A lot took place that day before he past away that i would not go into details. All i can say is that the memory of Rashad, which was the name i had given him, is still the most painful thing that ever happened to me.
Thinking back the most painful thing I have experienced to date is the experience of my heartbreak from a long term relationship. It is painful because of that helpless feeling, and because of that feeling of betrayal This painful experience has had me put my guards up with every person that I meet and made me learn a lot of things. I would have to agree that each and every person has to experience heartbreak in one way or another, because we learn a lot of things from it. It was the most painful thing I have experienced but I do not regret every single bit, feeling every pain, because I learned.
I know I’m young and I haven’t had I lot of experiences yet but to me the most painful experience was when my grandfather died. It’s not just because I loved him, I saw my mom and my dad cry. My mom became an orphan, my grandmother lost the love of her life. To be honest I felt more pain because I worried about the people that kept on living rather than because my grandfather died. I did love him, I even have seen some dreams about him. But I know he is resting in peace now.
The death of my father… amazing how something can feel so much like yesterday and forever all at once.
This is the most difficult for me to write over here as the most painful thing is related to myself.
The most painful moment of my life was in 1987 when I was 14+. Now I’m 39. Its now been more then 25+ years of that instance…… It took me nearly 22+ years to forget that miserable past of my life and now at this time I’m not mentally prepared to write about that. May be next time I will be able to share it.
When I think of the things that have happened to me that have been painful in some way, then I read some of your comments and I think how much people have suffered and are suffering right now, and all my pain goes away. I feel I have no right to complain because I have a family who loves me and who works really hard so that I can go to college, I haven´t lost any love ones and my health is not great, but it´s ok.
I guess the most painful memory I have goes back to when I was 5 or 6.
My mum and dad went through a rough time because their family didn´t accept the marrige. When I was born, nobody went to see my mum, nobody really cared about them or about me. My dad had a really hard time, he was also having problems at work were his partners made him do all the work and insulted him, they treated him really bad. He had depression for a long time. Sometimes he just stayed in bed for days without getting up, without eating. I remember my mum being sad, she didn´t know what to do, I didn´t know what to do either. My mum was working really hard and my dad was very depressed. They decided they should get a divorce. I really didn´t want that to happen, I was really sad. After a while, they decided to stay together and things got better.
But after a couple of years things got bad again. My dad was again depressed and my mum couldn´t take it any more. My dad packed all his stuff in boxes and he found an aparment. I went through the whole divorce thing again the shouting, the crying, the sad faces, and I could do nothing about it. But again, my parents decided to call a psychologist to try to fix things. My dad has been doing better and he is not depressed anymore.
Some people think depression is not something important, they think is being just a little sad. I lived a lot of years with my dad who was really depressed, and it was hard. I couldn´t talk to him, I couldn´t hug him, he was never there when I needed him or when my mum needed him and that made a big impact on all of us. The worst thing is the feeling that you can do nothing about it, just be there. I missed him, but now he is happy and so is my mum. He was able to overcome depression and I´m so proud of him for that.
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