21DJC Day 8 – On a Scale of 1-10, How Much Do You Love Yourself?

This is Day 8 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge held in Nov 2011. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.

Empty book for journaling

Hi everyone – Welcome to Day 8 of 21DJC! :)

Yesterday’s question was: “What is the Most Important Thing You’ve Learned in Life So Far?“. (Read the responses.)

There have been so many things I’ve learned to date, and each of them has been important in its own right. From lessons like follow your heart, trust your instinct, always address the root cause of issues and not the effects, open your heart to others and others will do the same, the outer state of your life reflect your inner beliefs than anything else, when there’s a will there’s a way, nothing is impossible in this world, your inner self has all the answers, you always have a choice, the limits we face in life are to do with us than anything else, growing is the best thing one can do as a person, life is what you make it out to be, the only limits we face in life are ourselves, and many more.

Hence, if you are to ask me one thing I’ve learned in life so far, I’d say it’s that I’ve learned nothing. That there are so many new things out there, so many incredible, talented people, so many wonderful experiences that I’ve yet to experience. That the more I learn and grow, the more I realize how much I’ve to learn. I’ve found this to be especially true since I started my travels.

The implication then, is that we should always be open to new things. Don’t close yourself off from new experiences. Don’t close yourself off from people. Don’t rule out new opportunities for growth. Most importantly, don’t be closed off in your beliefs. (On Days 26-27 of Be a Better Me in 30 Days Program, you identify your limiting thoughts and replace them with empowering ones.)

With that said, let’s now move to today’s question!

21DJC Day 8

Today’s question is this:

On a Scale of 1-10, How Much Do You Love Yourself?

Self love

Self-love is a topic that’s so important, yet rarely talked about in the realm of personal growth. Hence, today I’d like to ask you to reflect on this: How much do you love yourself on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is the lowest and 10 is the highest? And why?

Your Task Today:

  1. Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
  2. Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
  3. Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
Look forward to reading your answers! :D

((Images: Empty book for journaling, Self love))

212 comments
  1. Ona scale of 1-10 for loving me …. I think I would give my self an 8 . Mostly I am happy and content with who I am and where I have been and where I am going .I feel like I treat others well , with kindness and compassion . Yep I would say and 8.

  2. A few years ago 3-4 would be like lucky….
    But as i started to do bit by bit for myself i’d probably give myself a 7……..
    I haven’t really thought about myself when i see things around my life, yes from the heart i’d really like to give myself a 10/10 but the mind puts other things or other people who may/may not reciprocate….so i guess i have to yet fasten the few remaining clips before i fully scale the Everest, though even from here the view is great, the heart always longs for better

  3. I’ve read some other comments like this “I would never give myself a 10 because that would be when I’m perfect and satisfied in life” (https://personalexcellence.co/blog/21djc-day-8-self-love/#comment-20432) but I disagree.

    To me, if I love myself, that means I accept myself for who I am and I believe I’m being the best I can be. This also means that I know that I am learning, that I have flaws, and ACCEPTING them. After accepting them, I work towards ‘taking away’ that flaw. It doesn’t mean that only if we are perfect than can we love ourselves more.

    I came up with a list of 6 different criteria (based on the above paragraph) that can answer this question. If I fulfilled one criteria, the score will be 5. Two – six. Three – seven. And so on. The maximum will be 6 criteria fulfilled and the score will be 10.

    #1 – Accept myself for who I am
    #2 – Be the best I can be
    #3 – Learning continuously
    #4 – Understanding my flaws
    #5 – Accepting my flaws
    #6 – Work towards ‘taking away’ that flaw

    In reality, I do accept myself. I be the best I can be and I learn continuously. I understand my flaws (the #1 most ‘obvious’ one is my strength in Chinese). I accept the flaws. And I set goals to improve my Chinese.

    So this means I DO fulfill the 6 criteria…and have a ‘GRAND TOTAL” of…

    10! :) This answer was also my very first thought.

  4. Expressing love in numbers…hmm, quite difficult.

    When I’m acting from my core, being aligned…then the flow of love for both myself and others is endless and deep, but there are also days where I’m just hanging on, where I doubt myself and are negative about myself. So, weighing those extremes, the average love-myself-number would be around 7,5 -8

  5. When I closed my eyes and asked myself this question, the most strange and unexpected thing happened.

    It was as if I could immediately and intensely sense myself at all the ages I have ever been up until my age now (56), and past it too. All these selves/beings were absolutely 100% focused on what my answer was going to be and it suddenly became apparent that I had reached a really significant and pivotal point in my life.

    I could not bear to betray, hurt and let down all these selves for one second longer than I already have in my life so far. It was as if I finally chose, in that moment, to commit fully to my self/selves and to this life. I told my selves that I definitely give us all a 10 and always will from this moment on.

    The relief and the love released is tremendous. The responsibility is tremendous.

    I really need to go and mull all this over now, so I’m off to make a cup of tea.

    PS: I’m really enjoying reading everyone’s responses during this challenge and want to thank everyone and let you know how moved I am by what you write. Lots of love to you all x

    • Lottie,

      I am enjoying reading peoples responses as well. I am actually learning quite alot just from the way different people answer and interpret the same question in such different ways. And by how many different directions mentally, emotionally and spiritually everyone is coming from!! It really is helpful to read your response as well.
      Thank YOU for sharing,
      :hug: Raven

  6. Personally, as a human being I have learned to look at myself as a:
    UNIQUE being, having my own individuality, distinct from the other that accentuates my own personality, my interests, one-off a kind that can never be replaced by anyone even the person closest to my life. In other words “I am ME, I am MYSELF.”
    Being ME & MYSELF, I learn to develop the beautiful things I discovered in me and set aside or forget the things that are not good in me. Looking deep inside me, the negative side has been the hardest job to quit. Many times in my life, I look at myself as the most gifted person in our family even in our community and this MOVES me to become proud, looking at myself higher than the rest. Based on my experiences as a wife, this is always the cost of our quarrel as husband and wife. Not one of us could give up — PRIDE in us would always bring us down to fatigue and loneliness. To be humiliated is the most painful experience I have in life.
    Reflecting to MYSELF, this PRIDE should be given up to be able to settle down and keep peace in my heart. Otherwise, my life will always be in trouble to keep fighting & struggling to be on top of the world.
    This time I say to myself, there’s always be a reason to live a peaceful and happy life. That is to accept and love MYSELF first of all. I must truly love myself and loving myself is to keep the treasures that I have, the gifts and skills that God have given me, and the uniqueness of me and others. Loving MYSELF is a call to give up my pride in order to welcome with open hearts the other persons, no matter what and who they are. And this I believe will lead me to freedom to share my life and love. From loving myself truly, this can be the lead way to give MYSELF to OTHERS.

  7. It varies. It can be as high as 7 or very low indeed. At this moment I’d say it’s a 4 or 5. I can get very critical of myself. There was a time in my life when I thought of myself as unlovable- that only relatives and teachers could like me, and that was that. Things have changed since then, and I have more respect for myself. Sometimes in my dark moments I can think that self-love is a stupid concept and that humans are inherently selfish, or that we’re only valuable in terms of how we can serve others.

    However, I do love myself enough to realise that I can change the way I think about myself, human beings and the world around me, and I have been taking action these past few years to change that. So there is some self-love there. And I keep a healthy diet as well. I feel grateful to have met some of the most compassionate people I have ever been around in the past year, and I know they see a side of me which is beautiful.

    It feels like I’m having to make a lot of effort in writing the answer to this question. There are moments when I love myself a lot and moments when I don’t. So probably on average, the answer is a 5.

    My goals for improvement in this area would be to work on some big life goals that I’ve been putting off for a while, and also see if I can learn how humans can be valuable for reasons other than what they can do for other humans.

  8. Thank you for the tasks Celes. You are a gem. I hope you come to Brisbane Australia sometime in the future! I would seriously LOVE to spend time with you, hangout and be apart of you life as you are in mine. You have helped bring positive change to hundreds of thousands of people and I am one of them! Kudos!

    I love day’s task because as Celes mentioned we rarely talk about love in personal development /growth.

    One must ask where is love and how to find it? The world is full of the talk of love, but it is hard to love…. Though, I believe I love all things because I love thyself! :) In order to love anything you must learn to love – loves comes from within. My love, for me, is blind and accepting. I love everything whether its perfect or imperfect. It doesn’t really matter to me because I see what is underneath. You know, it took me many years to find peace, happiness and love within myself. I was never truly satisfied with how I look, the way I acted and felt on the inside and outside.
    If I was to scale myself 5 years ago, I would say, 3 max at the most.

    Now, looking today, I believe I fit into 7.5-8 out of 10.
    I am not perfect. There is more room for personal development and I am allowed to find solace in later life. I have 100 years to find out all of this because we never stop growing, changing and evolving into a our true potential.

    I wish all the best for everyone and may you peace in knowing how much you love thyself, your loved ones and the world. Love freely without prejudice… :angel:

    Ezza :love:

    • I forgot to add the ‘find’ after ‘may you’ and before ‘peace’. Sorry. Typo lol xx

    • Hi Ezza,

      Life is very beautiful and evolving. I think 100 years would also not be enough for my cravings of learning and improving. I guess, I’ll have to find a real Edward Cullen or somebody like him for my perfect life plan, but the problem is I am a vegetarian and that too not the vampires type of vegetarian, but the human one;)

      Now on a serious note, 100 years to live, grow, change, evolve and find solace in later life sounds like a great plan. I hope you live upto it :D

      All the best!!!

  9. This is such a loaded question, but for the sake of having some kind of response I will answer it rather than trying to address the issues of asking this question. Hahaha :D

    From a scale to 1-10, I’d have to say I’m a 7.5.
    I guess I’m pretty happy who I am, but not satisfied with what I have accomplished.
    I love my passion and willingness to learn, and happy with how I act, think and treat the others around me. I try to live and make decisions based on compassion and mutual benefit. I don’t think I would like myself very much if I had it any other way.

    I am still struggling to find my real passion in life and to find my path to becoming happy, though if I figured that out, I could probably give myself an 8 or higher. But until then, 7.5 is as high as I go.

  10. I will rate myself a eight at this point in my life. The reason why is because I am so close to everything I want. I am on the verge of achieving my goals. I still have along way to go but it is more attainable then it has ever been. I give myself a few more years to reach where I want to be. When I reach there will be new goals before me. It hasn’t been easy to get to this point. I have horrible discouragement, mean people in my life along the way, and lost people who were close to me. Besides all that I have had many overwhelming blessings come into my life. Stumbled upon two religious empowering leaders and this amazing blog and I think I found another one too recently that may also help me. I can’t take back anything I have been through because it has made me a better person. I have a different sense of happiness it is a inner happiness. I don’t look for others to make me happy anymore even though on occasion I do look for temporary happiness with material things like clothes and getting my hair done, drinking a Coca-Cola, eating chocolate, and watching a movie. I’ve just learned that you can only make yourself happy. I love myself because I am genuine I know me. I am caring, nice, I wear my heart on my sleve, easily offended, most of the time I put others before myself. If I have something most of the time I will just give it to someone else. I pay attention to my goals and work to achieve them. I have done a lot of soul searching into what I want and what kind of people I want to be friends with. I have lots of disappointments with friends. I pick the wrong friends and have been working on that. Sometimes I pick the right ones too but don’t always make every effort to hang out with them and lose touch for awhile. I know the kind of person I am and I think a lot of me for who I am. I make mistakes at times but who doesn’t so I don’t beat myself up over it. I learn from my mistakes. I don’t need approval or praise to love myself anymore even though I like getting it when it is offered. I just love me because of who I am. Having flaws is a lovable trait. The reason I didn’t give myself a ten is because I’m not quite where I want to be yet. I have along way to go and I am not going to give up. I will push myself even when I don’t have support from others. I’m determined!

  11. If I were to rate on a scale of 1 – 10 how much I love myself, it would be a 10.

    A 10 doesn’t mean I am perfect or anything near it. It just means I love myself unconditionally. It is more about accepting myself as I am and trying my best to improve myself.

    • I think being able to love yourself unconditionally is something we should all strive for. Though I find it difficult to be able to do so.

      • Jeffrey,

        If somebody had asked me this question 2 – 3 years ago, I might have rated 5 or something. But with various experiences & time, I have learned that nobody is perfect. Loving oneself is not about expecting them to be perfect, but to love them as they are.

        I am not a good adviser, so I can’t comment on it much, but I hope someday, you might reach the point where you love yourself unconditionally.

        All the best & have a nice day :)

    • After reading some of the responses in the beginning, I am little confused whether the question was about rating how much I love myself or rating myself as an individual.

      I have rated my love for myself as 10 because I accept myself with my flaws and I love myself for trying my best to improve myself & for all the achievements I have achieved till date.

      If it was about rating myself as an individual, I would never rate myself a 10, not even when I would have achieved everything that I had ever wanted in life because nobody is perfect and there is always something new to learn, improve & achieve.

      • Hi Iva,
        Thank you for sharing! I love your response because I fear I am thinking about the question like you have and explained.

        I believe happiness and love tend to fall into the same thing when you ask on a scale of 1-10 how much do you love, you?! If you were to look at it in the opinion of what you mentioned Iva, I believe I would be a 10 unconditionally.

        I believe the question was tricky to answer, because it can be taken a few ways as in:
        a) the love you have for someone so it is the same love you have for yourself, therefore
        b) the love you give others as in the love you give yourself? And
        c) what of happiness? Do you need to be happy to love yourself? Happiness and love are very close to one another and they flow through each other.

        I am probably going too deep and over-complicating the issue but love and happiness are one in the same for me. So, that’s how I answered the question. :dance:

        • haha…it is a tricky question indeed!

          Thanks Ezza for clearing my confusion :hug: Now I see the question in two ways: how much I love myself and how much happy I am with myself.

          If I were to combine love and happiness, I would still stick to the 10. The way I see it is that it is not about my future or past, but my present, who & what I am today.

          If somebody had asked me the same question 3 years ago, my answer would have been a 5, and 7 years ago, a 2. I have been through a tough time starting from seven years ago when I was only 16. I have put tons of efforts in bringing my life on track and make it better. I didn’t leave any stone unturned.

          I know that this is just the beginning of my life and there is a lot of room for improvement. I have many things to learn and achieve too. But these are all a lifelong process which is never ending, so I cannot base my love or happiness on what I am going to do to improve myself, learn new things or achieve various goals in the future. If I look at the point of life where I am right now, I am totally in love and happy with me.

          ~Iva ~

          P.S. What I was confused about was that the question might be about rating oneself as an individual and rating anybody as an individual is very difficult because there are too many factors to consider and nobody is perfect. Emotions are also difficult to rate, but at least the factors of measuring them are upto us because it depends on our feelings.

      • Iva,

        You’re right, I definitely answered the question more along the lines of how happy I am with myself because I even listed the reasons I didn’t score a perfect 10 and the reasons why I “love” myself the number I gave but it really IS the number of how happy I am with myself and not love. My brain interrupted the question so differently that it makes me think that maybe I have things I am unhappy with that I need to deal with because that is how I perceived the question though it clearly states LOVE!! Thanks for mentioning this because you’re right. My answer would be different for how much I love myself and I agree with you. I would then be a 10 because I love all of me just as you said! Flaws and all and the fact that I strive everyday to improve myself!!
        Thanks again for pointing this out :)
        :heart: Raven

        • Oops sorry that was supposed to be “my brain interpreted” not “interrupted”. Hehe…too early in the morning I guess.
          Have a great day!! :dance:

        • Hi Raven,

          Nice to know that you could relate to my opinion on rating myself a 10.

          Thanks, I had a great day and I hope you have a great day too :)
          All the best!!

      • I agree. The question is really open to interpretation. I think it should probably be more specific in order to answer the right question, though I understand being left vague means we can answer the question that we ourselves hold most important at this moment in time.

        • Celes
          Celes 14 years ago

          Hey guys, the question basically means what it says – “On a Scale of 1-10, How Much Do You Love Yourself?” 10 meaning you love yourself at the maximum level, 1 meaning you don’t love yourself. Beyond stating it as such, I’m not sure how specific it can go, without making the question sound convoluted for the other readers.

          If there’s anyone who is not clear on the daily questions, I recommend to read the additional questions listed after the daily question each day, because they tend to clarify the intent further. For example for today’s question, the elaboration was: “Self-love is a topic that’s so important, yet rarely talked about in the realm of personal growth. Hence, today I’d like to ask you to reflect on this: How much do you love yourself on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is the lowest and 10 is the highest? And why?”.

          That said, the discussion between self-love and satisfaction of self is definitely an interesting one, so I’m very happy that the various interpretations have sparked this off. It’s a cue for us to think deeper about how we think about these 2 topics.

          For those who have interpreted the question in a different way from how it was worded/intended, I invite you to reflect upon that. Our various interpretations of words/facts/occurrences often reflect the “noise” or “conversation” that’s on our mind, so it’s always interesting to understand that.

          And if you’re still confused at the end of the day, just interpret the question in whatever way you want. There’s no need to recreate the “domino effect”; i.e. just because one participant interpreted it as X way doesn’t mean this should be *THE* way you should interpret it. In the end, 21DJC isn’t an exam where you have to be “accurate” or “correct” or “precise”; it’s an invitation to self-reflect and dig deeper into yourself. However way you interpret the questions will already be a step towards self-reflection and self-discovery.

  12. I would give myself a 10!

    I know there´s room for improvement, I know there are many things I have to learn, many things I have to do, I know I´m not perfect.

    But I love myself so much, because all my life I´ve been following my dreams and I´ve worked really hard to get to where I am now.

    I love myself because I´ve taken every opportunity I´ve had to be a better me.

    I love myself because I know I can deal with anything in life, no matter how hard it is, I can overcome any obstacle.

    I love myself because I know there are people out there who love me too and who want me to do good things in my life.

    I love myself because I know that if I could go back in time and change anything I wouldn´t. I am were I want to be and nothing is going to change that.

    I´m only 18, so there are many things in life I haven´t have the chance to experience yet. I´m not perfect, I´m still learning and I´ll be learning until the day I die. I´m probably not the best friend ever or the best daughter ever, but I´m working on it day by day. No matter what happens next, I will love myself because I couldn´t get through the day if I didn´t.

  13. There are good days and bad days. In average – I’m alternating between 6 and 8.

    I’ve learned lately not to beat myself up for doing or not doing something, but rather analyze the results and reasons and get lessons (thanks to this great site!). That has been a great help to rise from average 4 – 6.
    I think, one of greatest changes in my self-love came with the 21d meditation challenge. I liked meditation before, I liked meditating and feelings I get, when deeply relaxed, yet some part of myself was silently sabotaging it. And it felt as if I myself am getting into my way to better life, as some dark pre-scripted part of myself pulled me away from all that is good and can make changes. When I accepted the challenge as a quest “can you get all 21 pluses?” I managed to cheet the sabotaging part into alowing me to follow the routine and while doing it, a lots of things changed, including the connection to my higher intelligence, that has been patiently sitting there.

    Still – my goal would be to rise to 8 – 10 and to achieve it, I think, I have to accept and explore that sabotaging pre-programmed part and not try to run from it. There should be the reasons it exists. How it came to be? What is it, that it wants to protect me from? What is it affraid of?

    To get to 10, what would be the total unjudgemental acceptance and pure love? I don’t know. I think, it’s only achievable together with general and genuine unjudgemental acceptance of the world and all it’s inhabitants. Is it doable – yes. But not overnight. Not within a year.

  14. Four years ago I would have rated my self 2. Life did not matter that much to me; I had lots of self esteem issues, acceptance and never saw my self of worth or value in this world. After reading a lot on self esteem and having a few psychological sessions my self worth has increased and I can now appreciate my self for whom I am. I am not yet perfect at loving self since there are still some things I am yet to accomplish with regards to loving self but at this point I can put my self love at 7 out of 10.
    I love whom I am and am comfortable with self and at this point of my life that is what matters.

  15. A tough question to answer, I feel at the moment around 5. The reasons are I can do much so much more. I think life starts from yourself being the centre of your universe and you see life from there. Self reflection helps to build a good steady self esteem by seeing what works and doesn’t.

    I thought what it would be like to be 10 for me. Loving myself and accepting who I am and where I am and where I want to go, being in tune with myself. Simply appreciating and being grateful for what I have and what I have learnt. Doing my best in every moment and using my time well.

    Thank you Celes

  16. I wanted to give full score, but settle on 6.

    why?

    1. the fact that I didn’t love my self that much
    2. the fact that I prefer (sometimes, mostly) letting others to get / do what they want first.
    3. I didn’t fight to reach my conscious goal.
    4. I’m not at peace with myself.
    5. the fact that sometimes, I still lost and didn’t know what I really want.

  17. Mastermind 14 years ago

    Right now, I am confusing self love and self esteem. My self esteem has increased dramatically as I participate in this challenge. i am going to answer this question near the conclusion.

  18. On the scale of 1-10 i would like to rate myself on 5.5.considering different angles in life ,the most important things i consider are 1) Personal Development(character as well professional aspects)(rate:4/10th) 2)Relations(family ,relations,friends,love, neighbours) (rate:3/10th)Social responsibility.(3/10th)
    Personal Development:
    CHARACTER:As a human being everyday i want myself to improve and be a better person and i’m on that travel consistently.So i pat myself for that and i would give 1 mark out of 2.
    PROFESSIONAL:I’m trying to keep myself updated with the technology but im not winning everyday so i would just give 0/4..sadly:(
    RELATIONS:
    FAMILY:As a member of family i would love to be more interactive and lovable to my family members and want to inspire them in every single actions I do.And I’m achieving it slowly.
    RELATIONS and FRIENDS:
    Im responsive,respective and lovable to relations and friends so I’m satisfied.
    LOVE:
    Everday I’m trying to be more lovable and intimate , thus satisfying daily :)
    NEIGHBOURS: I always try to maintain a smooth relationship with my neighbors and try to get good name always.
    So,Overall i would give 2 out of 3.
    SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY:
    I always try to be eco friendly and try not to waste any non-renewable resources and save energy everytime .So I would give 2.5 out of 3:)
    On seeing all these aspects ,love to myself will keep growing when all these channels grow.
    Loving myself truly and I would rate 5.5 :)
    Thanks celes and love you for a Super Challenge Like this,these kind of challenges truly widens our heart as well as knoweledge:) :clap:

  19. It’s a pretty low number, probably 4 or 5. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have multiple negative thoughts about myself. I always believe that I could have done things differently, I often wish I could go back in time and undo what I did or unsay something.

    The primary problem, I’ve come to learn, is that I have trouble differentiating between something bad that someone does, and someone being a bad person. I even have trouble differentiating that in other people. I get unduly hurt and upset over bad things that other people do, because then I worry that they are bad people. The same is true for myself, but even more so. Whenever I do something unideal, I can’t shake the thought that only a bad person would have made that mistake, or would have lost their patience, or whatever it is.

    I have been making efforts to change this, though. I’ve been forcing myself to consider that good people make bad decisions or sometimes do unfortunate things, and that this doesn’t make them bad people (myself included). It makes so much more sense, too, to look at things that way, since it means I can change. If I’m a good person who does bad things sometimes, I can figure out how to stop doing them, and make myself better. I’m hoping that soon I’ll be able to say I love myself more.

  20. I would rate myself as 7. Earlier i used to hate myself…for wearing specs, not good looking, low self confidence, not able to do things as I wanted etc etc

    Now, I am in the process of accepting myself the way I am and I have really started on to love and take care of myself.

  21. I would rate myself at 9.
    9 because, I know what I am and what I can do. I understand the limitless possibilities I can explore in life. I know what I want to do. But scoring 1 less than the perfrect score because I willingly or unwillingly still do few things which are in conflict to my innerself. I do them probably to please my social circle – my family, wife, friends, parents, etc. I do them as social obligation and responsibilities but I don’t really like doing some of those things. And I believe if I am doing something which is in conflict with innerself, then I am being unkind to myself, which I would not have done if I would have loved myself 10 on 10. There I loose 1 point else I love myself pretty much. : )

  22. On a scale of 1 to 10 in self love, i give myself a 4. I believe i have a long way to go. I know i am supposed to love myself as much as i love others (BQ-The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31). I really really want to love others and love them properly, and correctly and in a way which helps them. However, that is not possible unless i love myself at the same amount. I realize i have to take this number higher.
    The second reason why I believe the number should increase is because God created us in His image, why wouldnt we love someone who God created?
    I think the number is low because i am coming to recognize the ugliness and brokenness inside me. I am working on them though……and even though they will never be totally eliminated, i have great hope that they will improve.
    Reasons they are low
    1- Low self worth
    2- Lots of neurosis. An ideal self rearing its head countless times.
    3- Super high standards and the desire to “prove” myself….for no darn reason.
    4- Lack of (and constant need of) solid relationships…reassuring me of my self worth.
    So, how do i improve this…..
    I believe that there are ways. The ways i can think of right now are
    1. Trust the wisdom of the ancients…work on the brokenness and emptyness.
    2. Pray for it.
    3. Have faith and trust and hope
    4. Set realistic goals..and then actually be proud of myself for achieving them.
    5. Love others. Open myself to relationshps…and to being vulnerable etc.

  23. Very difficult question to answer as i think this is one of the questions i have never thought of and even while typing this i am not quite clear what i am going to write. Thought for a long time, then decided just would start typing whats going on in my mind.

    1. I did choose myself as the most important person in the world for me. But that just a realization thats come in recent days. So i actually do not take care of myself.

    2. I feel quite smug and happy the days when i have had discipline to think about important things to do and have done it as per my expectation.

    3. there are days when i get very happy when i get surprise appreciation for a task i did without any expectation in my mind

    4. then there are these days when i am very upset with myself for not following through with a discipline/habit that i wanted to sustain. these comes so often that i end up frustrated with things and people around me and then immediately realise i am reacting and stop that. but progress is very slow …..

    If i have to use these observations as logic then probably i am not satisfied with myself and the way i am not alinged to my growth path.

    But still contemplating on this point, from the heart, despite all this after everyday successful/unsuccessful day that night i go to bed with loads of self talk that next day is a new day and i would start over and i am will be what i visualize myself to be. So still in the gloom on frustration and there is a streak of sunlight called optimism which i expect to pull me through and also am guessing because i like myself enough to push myself to succeed in my goals.

    As a mother’s love to a child and the optimism and belief she has in her child which is difficult to rate, i also find it difficult to rate. For me even love for others is in binary form, either you love or you dont love. period.
    For people i love, respect and feel that connection, there is no barrier to what i will try to do for them (like, spouse, children, parents, siblings , friends…) the same way i am clear i do love myself to see me through life’s experiences.

    so the same should go for me. So on a binary i am clear i love myself, just that i should treat myself as a friend and coach/counsel my self to be a better me each and every day compared to the previous day.

  24. Oh, this is a tough one.
    Unfortunetely, on a scale of 1 to 10, I’d have to say a 2.5.
    I am one of those people who puts others before herself and I usually compromise myself for the sake of others. It’s really hurting me now and I must learn to stop it.
    With every assingment I get in college I see how much I expect of myself that it cripples my efforts to the point I just want to give up.
    And I never expect anything from other people, kipping pressure on myself.
    All my insecurities just make me feel more guilty and ashamed, which continues this vicious cycle of self loathing.
    Help!

  25. Mary Jane Hoover 14 years ago

    last year I would have said on a scale of 1 to 10 with ten being the worst, I wold have said a 12. But this year I have finally put myself on my Gratitude List evey night and I range from 1 to 5 but I am never off the list. Most days I usually list myself last because there is so much more I am thankful for than myslef. But I do I love myself more each day and make myself a priority.

  26. I think i’d give myself an 8 or 9. its not that i think highly of myself, i do have my insecurities but I’m proud of how much i’ve accomplished and the difficulties my family and i have faced. it really wasn’t easy and breaking down seemed like the better choice but somehow i felt like that was giving up and running away. I managed to get here because i wanted to move forward and i had a lot of support. I realized and it hit me hard when i read this in a manga, that if something happened to me, there will be people who would be sad. I don’t want to make people sad especially if something happened so i want to do what i can to move forward. it hasn’t been easy but i’ve learned it takes a lot to develop the heart of a lion and thats something i aspire towards. i know its difficult but the first step i can agree on is loving myself and i do. i’ll keep moving forward and be who i want to be instead of who i feel everyone wants me to be ;)

  27. About 5/6 years ago the number would have been 2/3, I had let issuses get to me. Now after a year or so of coming to terms with a lot of my past problems it has risen to 5/6. I still have a ways to go before I can completly love and put myself first but I am trying very hard.

  28. Why do you ask such difficult questions? :-)

    To give this a serious answer would require the assistance of a qualified professional as I doubt any of us are capable of being completely objective where self-love is concerned. I’ll give it a stab anyway. I give myself a 5. Why? Well, mainly because I rarely live up to my own standards and values and consistently beat myself up for my short-comings. I know better than to do that. I know that if I really loved myself, I would be more forgiving. I would view my failures and shortcomings as lessons to be learned rather than miserable failures of character or accomplishment. And while I’m getting much better at that, I still fail regularly and I still beat myself up regularly. It’s a real bad habit stemming from stinkin thinkin which results in those ugly conversations with ones self. But I’m working on it!

    • Charles,

      I have the same problem and really do fault myself when I fall short of my expectations and feel guilty or weak. And I know better than that too!! I even tell myself that setting realistic goals is not the same as having low expectations but I still seem to have this cycle of setting myself up to fail. I am concious of the issue, I have improved on my behavior and often catch myself before the beating and tell myself it is okay and I am not worthless and unproductive but I and not convinced that I believe it truly in my heart. I feel sometimes, that I am going through the motions of acceptance and self-forgiveness but deep down I’m not sure I really did it.

      Just wanted to share that I struggle with this too and if you find any good secrets to dwelling in one’s mind and doing what I call “thinking too much” I would love to cut down on my self-analysis and beratement as well.
      We both need to be allowed to be fallible and still loveable I guess :) Thanks for sharing.
      :heart: Raven

  29. i give myself an 8, but i constantly work towards a 10…this morning, while having my coffee, listening to my playlist, i was reflecting on my response to a dear friends’ no-show to our agreed on chat last nite at 8pm, jkt time (that’s 9pm, mla time).

    i was about half a minute naming how i am understanding that he will never stand me up on purpose, or hurt me recklessly, and how he is a decent person…when i caught myself focusing on understanding him, and not first acknowledging how i feel…so, am glad that i caught myself early enough, and started looking within, acknowledging my initial frustration and hurt, despite the possibility that of the unintentionality of his no-show.

    am glad i gave permission for me to lay-out how i actually felt last night, own-it up, embrace me for feeling — sad, hurt, frustrated, missing him, and not sideline it. I told myself those feelings are real and that there’s nothing wrong in them. then because i allowed them to be there, and just sat with them, and in just a short while, those feelings “went away”, and i was feeling okay. they were not that sharp or intense to begin with, but they stayed for just long enough for me to recognize them and welcome them, then they moved on, leaving me feeling quiet, calm, centered and happy.

    i guess, because of giving “me” and my feelings, whatever they are, the safe space to be in, welcoming them, not judging or putting them down, and sitting with them, listening to what message they bring me, being friends with each other — me to them and they to me — they saw that i got the point of why they are there, and then moved on as they have done/accomplished what they set out to do — to bring me the message of what they are, what led to their being there, and what “gifts” of self-knowledge they bring me.

    i think that process this morning, is a again my attempt, my practice of self-love. i love what i did. i love my high self. indeed, everything that happens to me is for my highest good. namaste!

  30. How much do I love myself?? This luckily has changed just within the last couple of years from what might have been a 3 or 4 to now I can say a solid 8. I would love to say 10 but that wouldn’t be honest to myself or the journaling.

    I would say an 8 because I am still working on the process of loving everything about myself.

    I do not like my need to control my health and have more choice in my good days and bad days.
    I do not like that I have phobias and fears that keep me from interacting with people and going out socially more often when I am physically well enough to, my mental hang-ups still hold me back.
    I do not like that I subconciously have hung on to emotional baggage that is almost 10 years old now!! I say it’s in the past when I’m awake, but when I go to sleep or drop my guard, I clearly have not gotten over some scarring moments from my previous life choices.
    I do not like that I often feel that I am a weak person because I can’t do things I think I should be able to do or accomplish a task that I have set for myself.

    On the other hand I like that:
    1. I am a strong, determined and persistent person that doesn’t give up easily and will do almost anything for a friend or family member.
    2. I am crafty and artistic and creative, and enjoy the gift of music in my life as well.
    3. I am not “normal” at all. That I can make at least most of my choices without caring what everyone else will say or think. That I dyed my hair purple just because it makes me happy when I see it and is so fun!!
    4. I am trying to grow and learn as person both intellectually and spiritually and that I have the desire to be a better me.
    5. I can find happiness in the littlest of things such as small statue or charm or PEZ dispenser.
    6. I create things that people find joy in and that make them happy. I can cook things that bring others comfort.
    7. I fight to regain as much quality of life as I can get. I try new medicines, I attempt home remedies, I let myself get discouraged by unlimited setbacks.
    8. I love myself enough to love others in an unconditional and whole self sort of way finally. Without restraint and without mistrust or doubt.

    So there are 8 reasons I love myself enough to rate an “8” :heart:

    • I just realized after reading a comment by Iva that I definitely answered the question more along the lines of how HAPPY I am with myself because I even listed the reasons I didn’t score a perfect 10 and the reasons why I “LOVE” myself the number I gave. But really it IS the number of how happy I am with myself and not love.
      My brain interpreted the question so differently that it makes me think that maybe I have things I am unhappy with that I need to deal with because that is how I perceived the question though it clearly states LOVE!! Thanks for mentioning this Iva because you’re right. My answer would be different for how much I love myself. I would then be a 10 because I love all of me just as you said! Flaws and all and the fact that I strive everyday to improve myself and be the best me there possibly is makes me love me even more!!
      Glad someone make the distinction because I think alot of us rated by happinees rather than love :)
      Raven :heart:

      • Hi Raven,

        Nice to know that you found my comment to be helpful.

        Have a great day :)

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