21DJC Day 7 – What is the Most Important Thing You’ve Learned in Life So Far?

This is Day 7 of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge held in Nov 2011. The challenge is now over but you can do the tasks in your own time. Visit the overview page for all the challenge tasks.Empty book for journalingHi everyone – Welcome to Day 7 of 21DJC! :)Yesterday’s question was: “What Frustrates You?“.Thank *you* for your earnest responses. While it’s good to be positive, and to focus on the positive stuff, the thing is frustration is one in the spectrum of emotions we experience as humans. Everyone feels frustrated in some way or another – it’s just a matter of (a) whether you’re aware of it (b) whether you want to admit it or not.Some people may think: “Oh well, I’m never frustrated”, or “I’ve overcome frustration because I choose not to focus on negative things, only positive stuff”. Fair enough, but my question, and my challenge to you would be: Is it true that you’re never frustrated, or are you just not conscious of it? And for those people who still insist you’re never frustrated, are you perhaps denying your emotions, and deluding yourself?While the *feeling* of frustration is not a positive experience, it’s not a negative phenomenon per se. All emotions, as with all situations in life, are neutral occurrences. To give it any meaning beyond what it is, would be to turn it into something that it’s not.Like all of you, I have my fair share of times when I feel frustrated. Just yesterday, I was quite frustrated with the moderator of a conference I was speaking at, because for some reason, the outline that was agreed upon before the panel was not adhered to. I was frustrated because I had prepared a fair bit for the conference, and I felt half of the work had gone to waste, never to be absorbed by others. I was frustrated because it didn’t allow me to showcase my best value to the audience, who were there to learn about the topic.I would also be frustrated whenever people got in my way of growing, or helping others to grow. Because this is my life purpose, it felt like everything was at stake when I wasn’t allowed to pursue it. I would feel scrunched up on the inside, like my existence has been compromised.Other things that would frustrate me include people who impose their values on others, people who give their opinions and advice when not asked for, irresponsible people, people who make empty promises, when I sabotage my own weight loss efforts, naysayers, people who try to attack my beliefs, among others.I don’t think we should concern ourselves with eliminating frustration as an emotion. Neither should we let the feeling of frustration perpetuate too. Frustration happens as a result of things not going our way, so it’s a useful tool in self-discovery and growth.I think whenever we feel frustrated, we should strive to understand the source of our frustrations, learn from the situation, and apply what we learned, so the same situation will not recur in the future. This is what it means to learn and grow.With that said, let’s now move to today’s question!

21DJC Day 7

Today is Day 7, which marks the end of the 1st week out of the 3 weeks of our 21-Day Journaling Challenge. Having shared the things that frustrate us yesterday, today, I’d like you to reflect on:

What is the Most Important Thing You’ve Learned in Life So Far?

Man lying on the field

If you are to pinpoint just 1 thing you’ve learned, the 1 most important thing you’ve learned in your life so far, what would it be?

Your Task Today:

  1. Reflect and answer today’s question. There’s no word limit – whether minimum or maximum. Write as few or as many words as you want. It’s all up to what you want to express!
  2. Share your answer. After you are done writing, copy and paste your answer in the comments area and post it there.
  3. Check out other participants’ answers. Other participants will be sharing their answers too, so feel free to read and reply to their answers. This is a group course, so let’s support each other in these 21 days.
Look forward to reading your answers! :D

((Images: Empty book for journaling, Man lying on the field))

230 comments
  1. talk less, listen more. And when even when you are silent you are saying a lot even though you are not uttering a word. Actions are indeed louder than words.

    • I always thought it was better to talk more cause I was a shy person. I thought well people who talk a lot are liked more and now I think it is better to shut my mouth and listen. People don’t want to hear you talk they want to talk about themselves. You can’t learn anything about them if your always talking about yourself. I guess it kinda goes both ways talk a lot but also listen a lot.

  2. Have Faith in God. Believe in yourself.

  3. Family and friends and experiences matter a lot – acquiring objects beyond the basics doesn’t matter much.

  4. What are life lessons?

    Man’s goal is happiness. We read or learn on our own, things that change our attitude and get us closer to great happiness. These are life lessons.

    Random insights:

    I was staring at the blank page for over an hour today – did I learn ANYTHING important yet? So I wrote random (but important) insights into the blank page for the next hour:

    ~ You always forget what we started and also lose what we write down.
    ~ You are invariably perpetually gaining wisdom through experience, just as a stream does not stand still. You just decide HOW this happens.
    ~ Tomorrow is always very different from what you think it will be – this is called reality.
    ~ Inner growth is a great feeling – it doesn’t feel like having gained something, it feels like unfolding.
    ~ There is no such thing as goals, attitudes or laws – ‘self-help’ terminology is misleading because it is concise.
    ~ We must forget most of what we learn.
    ~ The same situation means different things depending on how it is explained to you and how long you think about it.

    The most important thing you’ve learned in my life so far?

    By the time we are 10 we have learned all the most important things. This is much before we think of reading self-help books. There are a couple of things that we learned by the age of 10 that I must repeat again. They surely are the most important things – you just don’t get paid to write a book on them:
    Money is not important. Even if you don’t become famous or exceptional, don’t stray off the lawful path and your life is fulfilled.

  5. Having had special educational needs growing up, I’d say the #1 thing I’ve learned is to be true to MY self and seek within to see what I am like. I am much more than what psychologists say about me. They can make informed guesses, but only I am having my life experience. That teaching probably saved my life during school.

    This is the most appropriate answer for me at this time: I’m 21 years of age, so more will come as I grow.

  6. ‘What a man has done a man can do’… Anything is possible.

    Some time back I made an attempt to consolidate success principles for achieving anything (out of various books and continuous life study)

    Few top of the mind recalls… I call them Universal Success Mantras:
    1. It starts with true DESIRE
    2. Followed by undying BELIEF and FAITH
    3. LAW OF ATTRACTION follows – Universe conspires to give what you truly desire and believe to you
    4. MASTER MIND GROUP helps – A group of like minded to interact, inspire and mutually learn at regular interval. Great revelation. True across centuries – Benjamin Franklin, Einstein, Stephen Hawkings, etc.
    5. In a carefully chosen good ENVIRONMENT – good friends, good people.
    6. With clarity of Life’s PURPOSE, definite goal and clear vision (listen to your heart)
    7. Fire it up with day PLANNING
    8. And support all of above with bonus HABITS – optimism, discipline, humility, self control, etc.

    A detailed blog can be found at:
    http://silentsaint.blogspot.com/2011/08/success-so-close-yet-so-far-take-on.html

  7. The most important thing I have learnt is that I am the master of my own destiny.

    I mean this in two ways – I am the one to decide how I will lead my life, according to my own values and dreams. If I try to live according to someone else dreams, I will never be happy.

    In addition, it is up to me to shape my future.

    There is one quote I read somewhere online which says it much better than I can:

    “My will shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man’s doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice, my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.” – Elaine Maxwell

    • Dear Ish…. Living your life according to your own dreams could be the best gift you can give to yourself. :)

      I agree that no one could be ever happy, living anyone else’s life.

  8. The one thing i have learnt in life, but not necessarily successful in applying it everyday is, what Krishna says in Bhagavad Gita. This point has been reinforced in every single experience of my life.
    “Do your duty with discipline without focus/interest on the outcome/results. You only own your conscious in how well you do the task. What will be the result or the reactions that you get is not in your hands and not something to focus on and worry about.

    Only if you are conscious about this will you live in the present moment and stop worrying about the future and more importantly stop having expectations and would be able to have a detached attachment .

  9. The most important thing I learned is the critical thinking!

  10. Jesse Barkume 14 years ago

    Haha,

    well Cele already said it in the review, ” All emotions, as with all situations in life, are neutral occurrences. To give it any meaning beyond what it is, would be to turn it into something that it’s not “. Which to me, means life is neither beautiful nor ugly but a blank canvass to paint our experience on so others including our selves can appreciate our life’s creation and uniqueness because no painting even of the same apple tree can be identical. I call it the bittersweet truth in life. The bitter comes from the belief that life has to be full of ugliness/darkness in order for us to be able to express our beauty/light and the sweet comes from the belief that it is entirely up to us as to how much beauty/color we want to create. To me there are no limits only the limits you put on yourself because the canvass is as big or as small as you want it to be but the bigger the canvass the more darkness is going to be behind it. In other words, I can’t fully appreciate a good day if I never had a bad day and I can’t fully appreciate someone like Gondi’ if I’ve never seen a Hitler. “Balance”. It’s what we all seek and why we created this experience for our selves. Because once we find it, there is nothing to seek anymore.

  11. Lesson:
    You do not have to be friends with everyone. Friendships don’t have to be “easy,” but they do have to be meaningful and beneficial to both parties. If it takes a lot of work to be someones friend and you get very little out of the friendship – It is time to reevaluate if your efforts are worth the reward. If its not, it is time to cut ties and save yourself a lot of time, energy, and headaches. Make more of an effort to connect with the friends who are truly enrich your life.

    I had a friend who was a nice person, but was very self-centered and oblivious. I don’t think she was self-centered on purpose, but it was extremely hard to connect with her on any level because she always wanted to talk about herself and her problems and did not consider anyone else’s feelings or thoughts. It took a lot to listen to her complain and talk about herself that It became a stressful situation when she was around. At one point, I finally took a step back and realized that I had so much negative energy toward her and I could not pinpoint anything positive about our relationship; it was completely one-sided. I could continue being her “friend” and biting my tongue and zoning out while she talked about herself all the time, or I could be honest with myself and put my energies toward friendships that I actually enjoy.

    To this day, I do not regret that decision. It may sound harsh, but it is almost free-ing. It is actually one of the best things I could have done for myself.

    • I agree, I would much rather invest my time on friends that put in the same amount of effort into building the relationship. One sided relationships don’t last long and only work to drain your energy. Sometimes letting go and moving on is the best thing you can do.

      Thanks for sharing your life lesson :)

    • I get what your saying my problem is I have a hard time dropping friends. I like them on some level and even if there mean or downers I still continue to talk to them. I have dropped people before but it is hard for me. Sometimes it gets to a point where they become toxic friends and you have to drop them because it is what is best for everyone. They deserve better and you do too.

  12. I am going to make time to read everyones journal entry on here. I truly believe that you can learn something from everybody.

  13. Some things are just misunderstandings.

    Also you can always reinvent yourself. Got that from the blog Pick The Brain.

  14. I have learned so many things most around the age I am at now.

    Most of the time the best thing to do is just play it cool. When it comes to friends who are being jerks at the time just act like you don’t notice and they will come around.

    No matter what is going on act as if nothing is going on.

    When feeling negative focus on some distraction something postive. Focus on a new goal or something new you want to learn. Focus on yourself or your kids.

    When some beautiful woman is after your man but he love you. First of all never mention her name that makes him think about her. Out of sight out of mind. Keep showering him with affection don’t hold back.

    “You are the product of your five closest friends. If you have successful, physically fit friends they will rub off on you.” – This came from Pick your brain a blog I follow on facebook.

    No one can make you happy but yourself. Other things in life can bring you temporary happiness.

    Don’t let friends into your emotional circle you will end up getting hurt. You can have friends but you don’t have to tell them all your personal business.

    Being friends with someone who doesn’t think they have as much as you even though you don’t talk about what you have. They always try to act like your stupid compared to them. Talk bad about you and get aggravated anytime your happy. Sometimes it is better to just be friends with mature people or people who don’t compare themselves to others.

    Stay away from negative people they bring you down.

    The saying I learned when I was a kid. If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.

    Don’t gossip. Well you would have to know the whole situation. I normally don’t tell anything about anyone. Maybe a bad friend was rubbing off on me. I told my mom that a guy that I set a friend up with was taking pills for his illness and she told the girls mom. The mom already knew and told my mom what pill he is taking and why. He doesn’t know that the girl he is with told her mom that and blames me cause she told him whatever I don’t know. I didn’t talk bad about him I have always thought a lot of him and would never say anything bad about him. That friend of mine she wants to say that I was talking bad about him because she doesn’t like me or is jealous I don’t know.
    Anyway don’t gossip it always ends badly. It isn’t always true either what you hear. Some people love to exaggerate and add drama where there is none.

    Also when you get mad at someone play it cool. If you get mad it just makes you look bad.

    Be careful what you do because you can’t take it back.

  15. actually there are many things I’ve learned in theses few years of my life but probably the most important one is to never wait for somebody or for the circumstances to make you happy. be happy from the inside , the only person responsible for my happiness or sadness is me that’s something I believe in now :)

  16. Shannon deLonge 14 years ago

    (This is to the question what is the most important thing you have learned?) I just lost my best – friend named Adam. Adam passed away at 29 years of age from a
    heart attack. Adam and I have known each other since we were 5 years old. We spent the
    last two years of our friendship having a fallen out. On 10-14-2011 our friend his ex
    girl friend Jessica called me she told me Adam passed away. I say never ever argue with
    your loved ones or close friends never go to bed angry with them because you never know
    when they will go to Heaven and if you are fighting you might not get to say good – bye.
    Adam’s mother told me Adam told her he missed me and he wanted to come see me his mom told
    him well go see Shannon. Adam told her he would the next say but sadly like I said he
    passed away before he or I had that chance to say I am sorry to each other. People stop
    holding grudges to your friends who matter learn to forgive and let go it is important you
    do not want to regret not being able to fix a problem. Life is too short to argue
    about who is right and who is wrong. The only thing that should be right is you are
    friends with your friends and you are happy with your loved ones. Now I have to live
    with this guilt I put on mine and Adam’s friendship I will get over it but it will just
    take a little more time. This is a life lesson I have learned and the biggest mistake I can
    say I have ever made. My second worse mistake is my daughter’s father he is a whole new
    story and lesson lol.

    • Shannon deLonge 14 years ago

      Sorry if it sounded like I repeated my self a lot I am just a very nervous person I am sorry.

    • Wow, Shannon — that’s a deep story. Thanks for sharing it, and best of luck to you. Sounds like you’re on the right track.

  17. That everything about my life and current circumstance is because of what I have done or not done. Although I feel like I am at the starting line in terms of personal growth (not the most comforting thing for someone almost 40) it does let me know that with self belief, self discipline, focus and hard work, it’s as much in my power to build the life I want for me and my family as it was in my power to sabotage my own success when I was young.

  18. LOVE

    1) Love my dad despite for his shortcomings

    2) Love my mom for her lenghty talks (with no endings) and tantrums

    3) Love my siblings despite on-off squabbles

    4) Love my pets despite how difficult training them up to be obedient

    5) Love my bosses despite how hateful, abusive and prejudiced they have been

    6) Love my neighbours despite for their arrogance, selfishness or ignorance

    7) Love my best friend despite her distancing away from me

    8) Love my God and higher self for giving me Faith, Belief, Hope and Perseverance to continue my journey on this earth

  19. There are so many things that I have learned in life, especially for the past year or so when I start thinking about it. I am not sure which is the most important, because to me, all the things that I’ve learned weigh in almost equal proportions. Generally, the theme that sums up the things that I have learned would be to treat others well. By that I mean not being confrontational all the time, treat others with dignity and respect, and so forth. I have started to become humble without losing my integrity; fakeness is not something that I would ever endorse.

  20. First thing that comes to my mind when i think about one thing that is most important thing i have learned so far is The Law of Attraction, my life experience has changed tremendously when i have learned that our thoughts and emotions shape our future.

    But the actual most important thing i have learned is “Every bad situation and event carries within a seed of growth and success” . I have learned there are no just good or just bad events there are just opportunities, and the worst brings out the best in you and gives you a chance to change things for much better. Along with this i have learned that when something gets out of our lives ( regardless if it is person, emotion, material possession etc ) that it just makes place for something new to appear. And learning this has helped me to look at people and possessions differently , not to think of them as eternally mine, to be grateful when they are here but also to be grateful when it is time for something new to replace them.

  21. There are things that I seem to have to learn over and over again. The main one being “trust God”. I worry too much instead of trusting God to take care of me and my needs. To forgive is another biggy. If I could just quickly forgive I’d not have to carry that anger and resentment around with me. Maybe the lesson that I’ve actually learned is to work hard. I’m a diligent worker and I like to get the job done and done right.

  22. Mastermind 14 years ago

    My computer asks this question, “What kind of life will I create today?,” every time I boot.
    The most important concept I have learned is that I am responsible for the consequences of my actions and inactions. I am not sure how my thoughts are part of the responsibility concept.

  23. There are lot of things I have learned in my life so far and some of them have made me to be strong.But the most important thing I have learned is to be humble no matter the situation or challenge I’m facing.By being humble I must also be strong and not loose focus.

    Another thing I ‘ve learned is respect.No natter how young or old you are because each an everyone of us have values.No-one was born without a purpose.

  24. Dan Murray 14 years ago

    The most important thing I’ve learned in life so far is that “it’s really up to me.”

    What I mean by that is that you have to make your own way. The reason so many people are out of work now is because they are waiting for someone to hire them, or give them a job.

    Today like no time before in history it is possible to start a business doing something you enjoy, work very hard at it and create something of value from your thoughts and actions. Companies and people will pay for brains.

    I discovered that I have particular passion for analysis and data visualization. I also enjoy telling stories. This combination of skill and talent caused me to quit a secure job to become a consultant several years ago.

    That decision has been the best one I could have made – especially in these hard times. I’ve actually seen my income and happiness rise during a time when most people are struggling with both.

    So, take responsibility for your own future and follow your instinct and passion. It really is up to you. Don’t wait for someone to hire you. Start your own business.

  25. I am only responsible for my acts. I can not change anyone only myself. I can try to accept and change my ways for love but in the end I will lose myself. Learned to be true to myself. I will not stop caring about others and I deserve as much as I give.

  26. Aletta Oelofse 14 years ago

    My first thought was: “How am I going to choose?!?!”

    Then I realised, what the most important thing I’ve learned so far has been. I’ve grown up in a neutral home where nobody observed any religion, but both my parents were nominal christians. Then, after my mom had an intense conversion experience we started going to a pentecostal church where I became converted.

    With time, and as life washed over me, and as I was depressed for many years, I drifted away from formal religious practice. I’ve even stopped reading my Bible. I’ve been in a no-man’s land for about two decades now while I’ve been focusing on working and bringing up my children and surviving a separation and almost divorce.

    Now, with my family together again and settled and me working hard at my job I’ve come to a place where I’ve realised in a big way that I need to address my various emotional and spiritual issues. This is also why I’ve decided to sign up for a vipassana meditation course.

    Often you’re confronted by people with different personalities and different ideas and from the jumble you try and make sense as to what you can accept and what you cannot. What I’ve learnt is that the following statement Jesus made will always be true: “you will know them by their love” and “one commandment I give you, love your neighbour as yourself”.

    I’ve learnt that love is the benchmark for life.

  27. To practice realistic optimism. It’s all about attitude. When I get up for the day and think about the things I need to do for work, for home, for others, for myself, I found my energy levels, my productivity (which is important to me), and my happiness depend on my attitude. When I interact with people, especially those who have very strong personalities, I also need to check in with my attitude, and make sure not to expect gloom and doom, or deception or some other sort of non-positive influence. Yes, life will never be totally rosy, there will be challenges, and some pretty big stressors, but its critical what inside-direction I bring to the table. I am lucky I am gifted with a nice smile. I actually tend to smile when I get nervous, which is kinda of awkward since inside I am definitely “not-smiling” but I found that in a group of people when they see my smile, behavioral problems change, and the mood lightens. So when I speak, when I write, when I talk on the phone, etc. I try to be practicing that realistic optimism, smiling on the inside and/our outside, and that gives me that energy I need to get the task done. I have to admit I am not optimistic by nature. It takes some mental energy to get to that state. I also temper my optimism with realism, since I know life has its challenges and there will be disappointments (I have certainly had my share of those). To get into a realistic optimism state not always easy and there are a few days I have spent when I have been a bit gloomy about the world or situations around me or about myself. I tried writing about 5 things I am grateful for each day, as a mental exercise to focus on the positive, and that worked for a bit, but then it became too abstract and stopped working. I keep searching for new ideas since I’d love to get to a state where practicing realistic optimism is perfectly natural for my 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. I am grateful that I do practice this about 80% of my time, and let’s say that 80% brings about the most amazing conversations, adventures, experiences, reflections, productivity, discoveries and I cherish ever second of it.

  28. The most important thing Ive learned so far is to always be happy wth my decisions. Whether the situation is good or bad, I have to think about the outcome and if it will have a positive impact on my life in the future.

  29. Susan von Struensee 14 years ago

    To focus on goodness, to be the change, It requires tremendous courage willingly to release all of our firmly held beliefs and face ourselves directly. Courage is required to uncover aspects of ourselves we’d denied. When we start to be the change, we learn that goodness is at our core. After that, everything gets better.Gratitude is the basis of the two most important things in life; happiness and goodness. Forgive and let it go is part of goodness, as is taking good actions. Forgive yourself when you backtrack, persist. See the good in everyone and everything as much as you can. :heart:

  30. Brian Fradet 14 years ago

    Couple things come to mind. One is to be interested rather than “interesting”, as people are predominately interested in themselves, not you. Another way of saying this is to listen more and talk less. The second thing is knowing how to ask the right questions in order to get the answers you want. Thanks, Brian

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